My first ever post ;) - apologies if I have inadvertently broken any forum rules or etiquette...
So, a quick search revealed this post in the past
[url]http://www.loveforum.net/showthread.php?p=5654#post5654[/url]
In it, someone asked...
The first reply was, I feel, quite telling..Quote:
Ok so for about two months now I've been seriously considering and debating the idea of becoming celibate. Whenever I would ask someone what they thought of it they would be like, "for how long?" and I would respond with forever. Tonight I made up my mind and felt it would be best to go ahead and declare myself as celibate. I told my best friend and she seemed less than thrilled, in fact she got very quiet after telling her so I think she disapproves, the two other people I told were pretty indifferent and just said to go with whatever I felt would be best. I just want to get some responses on how everyone feels about the celibacy issue and if you think its a reasonable decision for a 19 year old male. Any feedback is appreciated.
I wonder what percentage of people who declare themselves celibate do it because, actually, they want to be "different" - or want to put a brave face on the fact that no-one wants to sleep with them..Quote:
Go ahead and enjoy pitying and differentiating yourself, if it makes it easier.
Thus, when I considered celibacy for the first time a week or two ago, I asked myself a few similar questions.. I've 24, and have been sexually active since mid-teens. I'm bisexual (although I fully realised that, I think, a couple of years ago) - and have been vigorously pursuing various bizarre (and taboo) sexual avenues for several years (they were all consenting adults, I should add as a disclaimer :))
Although, in a technical sense, you could call me sexually fulfilled... ultimately I am not. I have never been in love, and often have not even particularly liked the people I have slept with (be they south-east asian transvestite prostitutes, strangers met in a club, or work colleagues. Let's not get started on webcams....)
"Well Jim", some might argue, "there's your problem! You haven't found a soul-mate to truly 'make love' to. Thus, your constant forays into depravity have had a certain ironic, paradoxical effect. You are constantly exploring new avenues of bizarre fetishes with people you are not emotionally connected to precisely because you really need the opposite; someone to connect with emotionally before *real* sexual gratification can take place."
Well, here's the beef. I've never, ever, felt the need to have a girlfriend or boyfriend outside of the "it's nice to have someone to drink/**** with" frame of mind that I seem to have been born with. Suffice to say that relationships that I have had have been sordid, alcoholic, unfaithful and ultimately forgettable affairs.
I just don't get it.
It's not like I ever decided "To hell with it, I'm never going to care for somebody." I just haven't, outside of the obvious pre-requisite family members.
So, getting back to celibacy...
I am secretly (well, not with you people, obviously) envious of those in loving relationships with happily fulfilled sex lives.
Perhaps, I just need to stop. Maybe this whole "sexual objectivity" thing is getting way too out of hand (and by that, I mean "using/evaluating someone in terms of their sexual usefulness"). I need to stop thinking about sex - this, like giving up smoking, is an all or nothing deal. Celibacy is not just simply "not ****ing" - it is a complete change in state of mind.
Well, I know this has been a boring self-centred rant, but still - here it is.
Any thoughts welcome :)
Jim
