My wife say she does not love me the way she should
I have a problem in my relationship that is really worrying me. I have been with my wife for 14 years and been married for the last 5. We both met when we were 19 and are now both 33. I will try to be as descriptive as I can because a lot has happened in this time. When we first met I was attracted to her but did not love her but I could see that she really loved me. As I was quite young I was afraid of commitment but I really enjoyed her company and friendship so I stayed with her. Over the years we made a great team, she has supported me through thick and thin, even when I had been through a number of jobs and when we did not have really any money in our early twenties. She came from a low socio economic back ground with and abusive alcoholic father, my youth was quite normal. I felt sorry for her when we were young as she had little self esteem but academically she was very bright and I was average at best. Eventually we both went to university and both got degrees in nursing and are both emergency trained ED nurses.Throughout the years we have been together I did not love her as much as I should and at times treated her quite poorly in a number of situations which has really hurt her. As she was my second only girlfriend I have been learning about relationships as I go and have made some very bad errors in judgment. To keep this short I will name only a few, I have never really helped her with the house work, her father died and I did not give her the support she needed(I thought I did), I got involved in what could be classified as an emotional affair with a classmate at uni(I did not know it was at the time as I thought affairs need to be sexual), I had put financial pressure on our relationship by having very expensive taste in hobbies and cars in relation to how much we used to earn. Although I always was very affectionate with her, I did not complement her enough as a person despite knowing she had a low self esteem. I had been overly critical of her as I was so set in some of my ways I did not know I was being hurtful. With the shift work she also put on a little bit of weight that she now has nearly lost but I made a terrible mistake while we were in Japan recently by saying she would never be trim again like she was when we first met.Through all of the bad things I had done she has stuck by me. I never ever had the intention to ever hurt her and realize now how selfish and what a bad partner and husband I had been.Over the years I have told her I love every day but there just words, quite a few of my actions have not demonstrated this.In the 14 years we have been together it has been the last 4 years that I have really loved her the way I should, the way I should have in the first place!
Despite my wrongs she has stuck by me and never done anything that has hurt me, she's a great woman....I'm so so lucky to have her.So fast forward to 2009, we had a disagreement in Germany on a European holiday and I found out she had been sexually abused buy one of her mothers boyfriends. He never raped her but used to touch her in places and make her rub him while the mother was not watching. I was so angry and disgusted I wanted to tell the police and her mother but she begged me not to. So to the end of that but I felt terrible about it.As of the start of 2011 my wife has been working in the outback 4000 miles aways, while I have a job in an ED department but can't join her as I don't have the qualifications yet. I have had a fair amount of troubles at work and have been a little distracted from her for maybe 14 months with also a hobby I had become obsessed with.We talk every day but recently I forgot her birthday and was 19 days late. This really hurt her and the fact I have not been giving her the support she needs with a stressful job in immigration detention. We are doing very well financially now with her very high paying job which both makes us happy.Just four days ago she tells me she does not love me anymore. I was in total shock. We had and honest talk and I explained how sorry I was for not being the husband she deserves and took complete accountability for my actions. I told her I would not object if she wanted to separate as I had no grounds to do so. I asked if there was another man and she said no. We went to bed that night and she said that she still loves me and that she wants me to prove to her that I can be a better husband and she wants to give me that chance. She also said I was fundamentally a good person and that is why she has stuck by me. She said that even though she will be away I can still demonstrate on the phone that I am more in touch with her feelings and that when she gets back permanently in July it will be a good opportunity to show her I am trying. She says she does not want me to be perfect but less selfish and show her that I love her. Before she got on the plane she said she loves me and everything will be ok but I am so very scared right now. I don't want to loose her as I love her so much.
