Can't admit to myself

Am I in love with Amber?

How can I be, when I have never told her so?
How can I be, when she has never told me so?
How can I be, when we have never properly been together?
How can I be, when I still have so many doubts about her?

How can I be, when I am so afraid of my feelings toward her?
How can I be, when I have never told anyone about her?
How can I be, if I must ask this question?

But, how can't I be, when I cannot stop thinking about her?
How can't I be, when I haven't stopped for years?
How can't I be, when I would die for her right now?

Why am I so ashamed to admit that I love her?
Why am I so afraid that she will say no?
Why am I so afraid that if I bring it into the open, that it will disappear in an instant?