Newlywed and planning to leave
Not sure why I am writing here suppose I'd like some reassuring words or just another persons thoughts.... I married my husband only 2 months ago and almost immediately after the wedding I realised I wasn't in love with him. He has not changed or done anything wrong and is the sweetest person I have ever known but I have realised we are just best friends. I know a lot of people are happy to be married to someone they can call their best friend but this just isn't enough for me. I need passion, sex, spark and without it I feel trapped. Early in our relationship I remember questioning if I was in love with him - I told him and he basically convinced me I was and I was just scared because he was my first boyfriend- he told me butterflies and spark didn't last and I was being silly. I pushed it to the back of my mind and soon after we got engaged and I got swept away in planning and excitement. Now I wish I had gone with my gut.
Since I realised I'm not in love with him i have spiralled into what feels like a black hole and I have been honest and told him about my worries. He was devastated of course but is convinced we will be fine, it's just a phase and we will be ok. I know we won't. I know I'm not In love with him and deep down neither is he. I have already decided to leave him next year. I wish I had the courage and strength to do it now but I care about him too much to hurt and humiliate him so soon after our wedding... I just need to know how I get through this next year? I hate the idea of being intimate now...hate talking about the wedding wih everyone and I just want to fast forward...help