Long time friend/lover... needs space...need adive
Hi I am a 30 year old Aries male interested in a 32 year old Leo woman. We were terrific friends/FWB as teeneagers in high school, again in our early 20s, and had a breif 2 month stint almpst exactly 2 years ago, in whioch she contacted me, it turned FWB and intense fast and she hinted she might want a full blown relationshiop but I wasnt ready at that time. It blew up and we stopped talking July 4th of 2010. We stayed in touch on Facebook and I tried to rectify the relationship around the holidays of that year. I may have come off a bit to eager and desperate and it pushed her away and on New Years day 2011- she cut me out totally. I made several attempts throughout the course of the year to call her (every few months) but recived no response and she even hung up after she picked up one time.
I ran into her dating profile on Okcupid last March and she said it was great to hear from me, we took it slow exchanging a few emails catching up, praising each other. We finally met up for coffee in mid April and it went well - she is dating several other guys and one dropped her off and another picked her up - lol. The very next sunday morning she called me at 10 am and told me she was coming by to give me a cd she made for me. She stayed for about 10 minutes then ent to her moms house for the afternoon. she called me again later that afternoon ands announced she was coming over again that same day to show kme some pics she found of us in high school. She stayed we talked and she said she wanted to talk about last time - she told me she loved me a lot and wanted me in her life, but wasnt sure she could trust me for a while and thats why she took off for a while. It was nice.
The following week we went and took photos of each other at a cemetery we used to hang out in years ago, and it was fun, she fdropped me off early in the morning and sent me the pics and was pleased told me she thought I was a great photographer.
I invited her over for dinner (surprise) the following wed evening...it went well there was some tension, and I made me move - she said "I want you to think about this this almost runied our friendship last time)" I looked at her in the eyes and went for it again and she said "I have to go" and walked out, and on her way out turned around and smiled at me. She emailed me the next morning sending me link about old catholic "relics" a subject we discussed while eating the night before. I responded and was more or less honest that I would like things to progress further at a slow pace and she twisted my email around to make me sound "jealous" and that I "just have to have a girlfriend" and "dont worry shes out there" and other bs. I called her the next day and set her straight and she was like "wow tone of voice has a lot to do with commuinication" LOL duh. We made some "temtative plans" to hang out in the park the next day at a cook out some friends of mine were having. I went by her place (right next to the park) and while her car was there she didnt answer. she called me later that night and said she was napping all day (lol).
she then began to retreat to emails and dating site messages (all postive) proaising me and so forth telling me what a great photographer she was. I kept it short - with hints I was losing interest and not going to heed her attempts to phish for compliments. It was now only in emails and occasional phone tag so I really was losing interets ( at least in her approach) Somewhere along the line, communication broke down.
I tried to invite her to a party one weekend and got no response, then called her later that night and made a drunk joke and made a few (insincere) insults (really teasing) assuming she would get it. No response. I emailed her the next wed when I was in new york just to say hi and hope she was doing well, she responded she missed my calls b/c it was a jewish holiday but said I left a message to tell her what a "terrible" person she was...at this point I still thought she knew the message was a joke. I responded "quit pulling my leg, you know I think you are the bees knees ( an inside joke of affection) and we talked about astrology and some of the stuff we had been doing since we last spoke. made tentative plans to get together with nothing solid.
I called her when I returned the next mon as I said I would, and she returned my call later that night but I missed it b/c I wasnt home. she sounded pleasant said hope I had good trip and we will talk soon.
I tried to catch her a couple of times that week and once on that weekend (no response). I then tried one last time the following Thursday and she (picked up and hung up). I was in shock. What changed between the week before and now when everything was fine? I sent her an email the next day asking if she was alright, saying I have been trying to get back to you...if something is wrong we ca talk.
she responded impersonally and apathetically: "I don't even listen to your voicemails anymore because I don't know
when you're going to use my voicemail inbox as a verbal punching bag
like you did that one night. Since that voicemail I just don't want to
talk to you. Please stop calling me."
too which I responded: what? I thought you knew I was joking, if a misunderstood joke is bothering you we can talk, communication is the key. Perhaps we should take some space right now and sort it out :) your friend -M
her final response was: "When you run hot and cold - the way you do sometimes - it freaks me
out and makes me want to stay away. I never know what to expect, which
sounds like a compliment but in this case it isn't. Yes, I'd like to
be friends but I'm beginning to wonder if it's possible for us. I do
need some space for now.
too which I said: cool.
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THe end. I know that is a lot and thank you all for reading - this means a lot to me and I know it is impossible to understand the dynamics. It has been 2 1/2 weeks No contact. She may be serious with someone else because she deleted her dating profile around the same time. This is someone dear whether it be as a friend or something more who I have known half my life... I am wonndering when and what the best method of re-establishing contact would be (other than a little more time and keeping it light, funny and amicable.) maybe a text in another week or so. Her birthday is aug 16 so I may wait till then.
I know I will probably hear a lot of what I expect, but any constructive feedback as far as reparing the situation would be great. Thank you all.
