broken up, but all sorts of mixed signals
My boyfriend of over a year broke up with me 3 weeks ago. It was sudden, it was out of the blue. We have never argued much and there were no major issues brought to my attention. He told me two days prior that he was unhappy, but he didn't know why. I asked him the next day if he unhappiness would cause him to leave me...he told me no. The next day, he broke up with me. But you could tell that he hadn't fully made up his mind yet. He kept calling me baby, he kept trying to hold me...it was all very mixed signals. The next 3 days past, I called him each day briefly...and asked to set up a time to talk about the issues at hand. He wasn't bothered by still having communication.
We got together and spoke of the issue, he said he realized over the past few days that he loves me, and thinks the world of me, but he isn't "in love" with me. He said he's been unhappy for maybe a couple months, on and off. He feels like he isn't good enough for me, for whatever reason. I told him that I thought we should try and work things out, and he said he didn't want to do that because it promised too much. He said he would rather try and be friends, and maybe develop something more if his feelings came back.
We attempted this. He would call and text me about as much as I would him, he kept each other up to date on life. We tried to hang out once, it ended badly because I set my expectations too high. After that night when he contacted me next, I requested a break from communication for a few days. I was hoping to use the time to get my thoughts together, and hopefully make him miss me. The latter didn't really happen, but we continued conversation 4 or 5 days later. We hung out again, this time it actually went really well. It wasn't awkward, and was fun for both of us. We cooked dinner, rented a movie, and had a pillow fight. I text him afterward and said "Thanks for making me dinner I had fun" he said "I had fun too!" From then on we continued our friendship, sort of. He didn't contact me much and when he did he was impossible to hold a conversation with...I told him if he wanted to hang out he would have to plan it this time because I was tired of trying to figure out when would work for him.
A week went by like this, playing games back at forth. So I texted him this past Friday and said "I'm stopping by after work"...he said "okay." When I showed up, he apparently didn't suspect anything was wrong because he kept trying to joke around with me and act like everything was okay. I finally just flat out told him, I was tired of playing these games...that I wanted to be with him, and keeping me around as "just friends" was stringing me along. And that if he wanted me in his life, I deserved a chance to try to be something more...otherwise I wasn't sticking around. At first he tried to play it off like I wasn’t being serious, and tried to plan our next hang out time.
Eventually, when I talked firmly to him…he accepted the seriousness of the situation, and didn’t like it. He said he didn’t like either choice, but one (not even being friends) he liked the least. He asked me multiple times what I wanted, and I would always tell him, “to be with you”. He said he wanted to be more…but couldn’t right now and he didn’t know why. He still has feelings for me and loves me, but being friends was all he could offer right now, and we could maybe eventually develop something more eventually. I told him we’ve tried that for 3 weeks and nothing was developing and I was tired of having false hope. He told me I shouldn’t have hope, just to go into it with no expectations. He didn’t realize that wasn’t a possible task for me. He kept shaking his head at the thought of this being over forever. He tried to tell me that he wasn’t making this decision…I told him by not making it, he was inevitably making it…he said that no..I was making it.
He kept trying to get me to stay, but I told him I didn't want to drag this out. He finally walked me out to my car, it was raining. We held each other hard for a good couple minutes. He squeezed me. I kissed his cheek/neck multiple times. He kept telling me he was sorry, crying like a fool. I asked him for a goodbye kiss. He said “No, I don’t want this to be goodbye.” I told him it didn’t have to be. I asked him multiple times he kept saying things like “this isn’t goodbye, this is see you later”, and told me a kiss would only make this harder. Eventually he kissed me...then I got into my car, he told me he loved me, and I told him I loved him too. He texted me when I got home
Him: I truly am sorry from the deepest part of my heart. I wish I knew wat was wrong with me. You deserve so much better, and have from day one.
Me: You are my better, I just wish you’d realize that. Let me know if you change your mind
Him: I’m not though. You’re the most amazing person anyone could ever want in their lives. I was just bringing you down with me, and I’m soo sorry for that
Me: You weren’t. I was so happy with you. I think you are a wonderful person and I love you, and everything about you so very much, and always will
Him: I’m sorry for everything…I love you
Me: I love you <3 I hope you come around
Him:
Me: I just want you to come after me
Him: I want to…
Me: Then do it
He never responded...its been three days and as much as I thought that this was the right thing to do at the time, I'm questioning it. What do I do now? Does anybody have an insight on how he may be feeling?
Note: Though you can never be 100% positive, I'm about 98% positive that there is no other girl in his life. His family keeps in contact with me and have told me there isn't anybody else. And he honestly...doesn't have much time for another girl right now. Also, when we started our relationship I was "the other girl" as he was recently out of a relationship, and he completely ignored his ex and all her attempts to even contact him...he obviously hasn't done that to me.
