Relationship Help Pls

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28-07-12, 05:48 PM
Terence

Relationship Help Pls

Hello everyone. New here and looking for advice.

I have been with my GF for 9 years (we met in high school) Im 25 and shes 23, we have a son together and hes great, I love my boy so much. But my GF and I have recently moved out of our household and moved to different places (about two months ago) with the intention of moving back into a place after we get some time away from one another. I'm in a smaller apartment now and shes living with her sister. I get the munchkin on Friday till Sunday night. The reason for the move is because she was seeing another guy and she admitted that they were flirty and what not but it never got sexual even though she was out late with him a few times, that's what she says, it sounds like the truth but you never know. And to be honest I forgive her for being interested in another guy and whatever. But our relationship has honestly been very poor for the past two years or so, we are very rarely intimate, like once a month rare. We don't do much together now, shes always up and ready to go hang out with her family and friends but I got to twist her arm to get her to spend time with me. She rarely takes my opinion into consideration, for example she got two decent sized tattoos on her arm and she didn't even talk to me about it, She just said "I didn't think I had to ask you". If I was just a friend I could understand not talking to me but we have been together for 9 years and have a son together. In my opinion that's kind of messed up. I feel like shes bored with the relationship and the only reason she has not left is because of our son.

There is much more to add but i don't want to sounds like a cry baby teen. But my question is what should I do. I love my son and I love my GF but I don't want to be in a relationship if she doesn't want to be in it. What should I do and how should I approach it, that is if anything should be done?
29-07-12, 03:30 AM
smackie9

This is what happens when you start a committed relationship so young. You both never had a chance to experience "dating" or being on your own, being single and developing your individuality. What happened is that you both have missed out on this important part of your lives. When you go from teenager to adult, there are a lot of changes there. Your outlook on life is different, your goals, feelings about things, your perspective is totally different. You both never had a chance to experience "freedom". She feels she has missed out on so much, it's like letting a dog out of it's cage for the first time...they just want to run! and do everything. Sorry but she is letting go. This is not about being "bored", this is about growing up, changing and wondering "what have I missed?" She has a need to discover who she is, and develop as an individual. Your best bet is to slit up because this is inevitable anyways. Just be a good dad and move on. People think it's best to stay for the child but this is not true. It's more healthier for a child to be raise in an environment where both parent, tho separated, are happy.
29-07-12, 03:37 AM
love_architect

you have to admit that it's over and to make your separation a successful separation, when the flame goes out, there is nothing much you can do .
29-07-12, 05:41 AM
cheekxs

Hmm......i saw a couple of story's like this 2 day , and it keep coming up that people date when they where teens and stay think they supposed to
be serious when they are older. some may, but other are just forcing the relationship, cause they promised a lot of bullshit to eah other when they where young.

thats why you need to do everything when you have the proper age for it.
and in the right situation. cause like you all sex, and head kid, with is nice, but
you barely knew what life is about.

i think she lost interest in you , she is not inlove anymore and i think you eater. but cause you have kid together you all keep hanging around like
you all want to be together.
When you are young you think almost every little feeling is love. while its not even like love.

Make a good planing like you all did already for you 2 to take care of the baby. but for long, and break up.
29-07-12, 03:25 PM
Terence

Quote:

Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Your best bet is to slit up because this is inevitable anyways. Just be a good dad and move on. People think it's best to stay for the child but this is not true. It's more healthier for a child to be raise in an environment where both parent, tho separated, are happy.

I agree with you that things are not going to get better and we should split up but how should I go about it? I mean we do have a son together so I can't just break contact.
29-07-12, 03:35 PM
Terence

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheekxs [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i think she lost interest in you , she is not inlove anymore and i think you eater. but cause you have kid together you all keep hanging around like
you all want to be together.
.

Thanks for your reply. I agree with what you are saying. I think we have both lost interest, but we are hanging on because of our son. Don't get me wrong I really do love my GF, I would never do anything to ever hurt her, but I feel like I need something that she can't or is not willing to give me. The same for her as well, I think shes seeking something else.

Any idea on how I should break up?
29-07-12, 11:12 PM
smackie9

Just go see her in person, be straight forward and honest. Make sure that you say, not only this is for you but for her as well. Tell her that her behavior indicates to you that she needs to experience life on her own, do her own thing because she never had that kind of freedom before. And the fact you are not getting what you need out of the relationship, you feel you are being pushed out. You acknowledge the fact that you both have drifted apart, and there is a need to resolve this by calling it quits before you both get even more miserable. Assure her that you love your boy and will always be a priority to you, you will never ignore your responsibility as a father. I guess you will have to discuss visitation scheduling and child support. Hopefully you won't have to take it into family court to settle that.
30-07-12, 02:46 AM
Terence

Quote:

Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Just go see her in person, be straight forward and honest. Make sure that you say, not only this is for you but for her as well. Tell her that her behavior indicates to you that she needs to experience life on her own, do her own thing because she never had that kind of freedom before. And the fact you are not getting what you need out of the relationship, you feel you are being pushed out. You acknowledge the fact that you both have drifted apart, and there is a need to resolve this by calling it quits before you both get even more miserable. Assure her that you love your boy and will always be a priority to you, you will never ignore your responsibility as a father. I guess you will have to discuss visitation scheduling and child support. Hopefully you won't have to take it into family court to settle that.

Thanks a lot for the advice. I hope I can get things to go smoothly. Thanks again.
30-07-12, 03:17 AM
smackie9

It may surprise you that she will breath a sigh of relief, because she was worried of what your reaction would be on this matter......the feeling is more than likely mutual. Keep us updated on your progress...best of luck to you:D
01-08-12, 10:39 AM
johndemi

Quote:

Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Just go see her in person, be straight forward and honest. Make sure that you say, not only this is for you but for her as well. Tell her that her behavior indicates to you that she needs to experience life on her own, do her own thing because she never had that kind of freedom before. And the fact you are not getting what you need out of the relationship, you feel you are being pushed out. You acknowledge the fact that you both have drifted apart, and there is a need to resolve this by calling it quits before you both get even more miserable. Assure her that you love your boy and will always be a priority to you, you will never ignore your responsibility as a father. I guess you will have to discuss visitation scheduling and child support. Hopefully you won't have to take it into family court to settle that.

Smackie9 is indeed right! This is the best thing for you to do in order to cope up with this situation.