Affair resulted in Love Child
Sorry in advance but this is going to be a long one.
I'm 23 years old, my partner is 29, we have been together for 7 years and have been living together to 5 of them.
In 2010, I decided that the career I was in was not where I wanted to be and I wanted to go back to college. After much discussion, my partner and I agreed that I would go back to college for 2 years and he would support us both.
Once I'd started college, I obviously made new friends and I would see them outside of college plus I would see my old work mates some evenings. I was probably out for 2 nights a week max though so nothing major.
My partner didn't really go out much and see his friends so basically I would be going out and he would be staying in on his own.
In October last year I came home from my day at college and he sat me down and told me that he had been seeing someone else for eight months and that she was pregnant!!
I was absolutely devastated! I moved out the following day but he broke down and begged me to stay saying that he loved me and always has and that he never wanted to be with this girl (only being 18 years old!). I moved out anyway and I'm still not living with him, I stopped contact completely to start with but we are now talking and meeting up sometimes.
She decided that she was going to keep the baby and she has now been born and he is seeing her on a weekly basis, paying maintenance etc.
I asked him why he did it in the first place and he said he didn't think I cared about the relationship anymore and he felt lonely. He used to go and see her every Saturday when I would volunteer at a cat rescue. Apparently he had met this girl off the internet, met up with her in January last year just to talk to and most of the time he was crying and talking about how upset he was about me! They then started sleeping together in the March.
Apparently he ended the relationship in August last year as I started questioning why he was acting strange and he basically didn't want to come near me sexually anymore. There were plenty of little things I would notice and spot and think that's not right but just put it down to me being silly as he really isn't the sort of guy you would think would cheat on anyone the way he did, all my friends and family were so shocked when I told them.
Anyway, now I have no idea what to do. I love him so much and I miss us not being together properly. He wants to make a proper go of it and try and make things work. We get on so well and have such a laugh together. There is just this huge infidelity, girl and child that I would have to deal with for the rest of my life. They live about 45 minutes away and as mentioned before, he sees this child on a weekly basis, sometimes twice a week, he drives there and stays for a few hours and then drives down again. He tells me that she tried to kiss him and that he told her that it wasn't what he wanted and she got upset etc etc and nothing like that has happened since. She obviously still wants him but my partner assures me that he does not want her as he would have gone there already which is a fair point I guess.
She knew me and my partner were together as obviously he used to talk and cry about me to her. Apparently she used to ask about me, like when I was getting a new car, she asked what I got in the end...I mean what the hell? Why is she even bothered about me when she was sleeping with him and wanted to be with him!
I want to be able to forgive him, work on us and then eventually accept and meet the child but awful as it sounds, I don't want to see the girl any time soon at all. I don't think I could stomach that. The only problem is that it is so hard at the moment to deal with it all which is obviously what is to be expected. I just can't help but think that if she hadn't have gotten pregnant then it would be easier but then again, I probably would never have found out that he had been seeing her for all this time.
I need advice and honest opinions.
