Don't know where to take things.. It's complicated..

Sorry if this is long winded..

I've been dating my current girlfriend (I will call her "N" for this story) officially for around 6 months now. But i've known her for about 2 years. Here is some of the back story; we met through my friend Jim who was dating her best friend at the time (and ill call her best friend "C"). My friend is a bit of a player, so i wasn't surprised when he broke up with her after 3 or four months... Anyway, a couple of months after their break up i started going out with C.. We were kinda off and on for about a year until i realized the relationship was really unhealthy for me (i found out about a bunch of lies and booty calls with other dudes)

Well anyway, during that time, N and i became close friends, pretty much best friends. She was always there for me and gave me great advice (She helped me get over C) and we grew pretty close. She was dating another guy at the time, and we were always able to talk openly with each-other with no fear of a relationship or things getting awkward. Well she eventually broke things off with this other guy and came on to me pretty strongly. At first i didn't want a relationship and told her that, but she kept coming at me and to be honest i enjoyed the attention. She is very hard to resist. We started getting physical and she would occasionally ask about a relationship but i would still say no. So we basically agreed to be friends with benefits... And we would still date other people... well that lasted for about 2 months, until one time i saw her making out with another guy at a party and realized i was pretty jealous. A week or two later she came to me and said we should probably stop what we are doing (looking back i think she kinda planned things to get me a little jealous and force me to make a decision about us, which ill admit worked) and I pretty much said i now wanted a relationship so that where we are at now. I have grown really close to her but have always felt like she has been the one with the most interest in the relationship.

Ok, the main problem is that she comes with a lot of baggage, and i knew that from the beginning, which is why i was so hesitant. She has two sons, one 12 the other is 8. She is unemployed and her ex-husband (who turned Gay) pays for their apartment and sleeps on the floor on a roll out mattress in the boys room. She went to a vocational college and graduated with a masters in Massage Therapy, and she is great at what she does, but could not pass the certification required by the state because of a language barrier. (She is from Brazil) So she does massages on the side by word of mouth but pretty much gave up on studying for the exam. Her ex doesn't have a job either and gets supported by his parents. She lost her food stamps and health care for the kids because the Ex's parents wont write a letter explaining how they help with the rent.

So basically she has no income and i help her out a lot. I pay for her female doctor visits, her necessities, and help with some other things (food, clothing etc..) I try to be positive for her and encourage her to study and pass her test and get a job, but she gets so depressed when we talk about it, she just shuts down. She is alone here, all of her family is back in Brazil. She has no one to help her, and her situation is not all her fault do to the flaky ex husband. She blames herself for marrying him and for his change in lifestyle and divorce. I really really really feel for her and care about her, when she breaks down and cries about it i just want to nurture her. I have really grown to care for her.

She does a lot for me as well, it is in no way one-sided. she is always surprising me at my house, cleaning and helping with laundry and cooking meals, and surprise romantic nights when i come back from business trips. A lot of things that no other woman has ever done for me.

But recently some of the flame is going out in the relationship, physically and emotionally, i feel like we lost the freindship we once had do to a lot of what is going on and the pressure of being in the relationship. And her situation is not changing but getting worse (fighting with the ex) and i feel its harder and harder to keep her happy. I realize i have the power to change her life, to be a guy she can rely on because i know she is looking for marriage and hints at it sometimes, or hints about moving in.. but she is not really putting on any major pressure i think because she is afraid of scaring me away. But i kinda feel like she is waiting for me instead of doing things to change her life for herself. That and some other things worry me about marriage, her emotional/mental state, the instant family and the fact that I've never been married.

I don't want to be the guy that leaves her hanging, i would feel horrible, but i also don't want to get to involved with the baggage and commitment if my heart is not really in it. Sometimes i'm so confused. Sometimes i think i wont find another girl like her who does everything she does. (she is really a wonderful woman) and again i feel like i'm not ready and need to play the field some more. Oh and another thing, she is a bit older then me, 37, and im 33, and she just started going through menopause and is on some birth control to manage her estrogen levels. But I really want at least one kid of my own, maybe two. I've always looked forward to having my own children. I just don't know if it will be possible with her. Her doctor says there may be a chance with fertility treatments, but it would have to happen soon.

Right now, that, and her financial/ex-husband situation is like the elephant in the closet. If i bring it up she gets depressed and actually pushes me away. She is too proud to ask for help (Community foodbank, local churches, etc...) and when i bring that up as well, she gets mad and says that her Ex should do more to help his kids, but he is just a loser who sits and hangs out in the public library all day. I don't know what to do.