My Broken heart...And my desire to work at things with the Ex.

Ok... I will try and write this as openly and honest as i possibly can.
I have been single now for around 8 weeks now, I was the person that suggested "having a break" after a 3 year relationship, where the first 2 years were amazing, the last year not so.

And since the engagement it has been a struggle.. I had become a closed person, not affectionate to my GF and everything she did used to wind me up. everything i did used to wind her up. She had problems with me, but because she didn't like conflict or arguments she wouldn't say them to me in case i react badly to it. For the record i am not violent, nor do i raise my voice. But i am stubborn and don't give in, nor was open to suggestions without giving them a great deal of thought first. She had lost any confidence because of the way i was being, and we had clear the air talks many times in the last 6 months but for some reason i wasn't able to change who, and what i had become. The fun, flirty person that i once was had gone missing. Money was another problem as she didnt have much, and i had a lot, and because of friends bad advice, and the fact my GF wanted to be independent, i stopped paying for things for us to do, because she had also told me that if she had the money, she would spend it on things she wanted to do, as opposed to things i chose for us to do. It was a very difficult final few months.

One day after night shifts, i saw how unhappy she was, i could feel how unhappy i had become and even though now i see the answers, i couldnt do anything to drag us both out of this rut we were in. So i suggested we break up, she moved out 6 days later, and has been loving single life, happy again, partying, online dating, making new friends, exchanging dirty pics with randoms off the internet (this isn't conspiracy she has told me and i have seen pics too) and pulling men whilst out too. She is 27 years old. from the moment she left my house, i have wanted her back. She was the one for me, and i miss her so much. I have tried the old needy thing we all do after a break up. She is adamant we werent well suited, and she no longer loved me. But still cares about me lots "as a friend". I know i should just forget about her and move on, but part of me thinks, the feelings were once there, and if i can get back to the confident person I once was, i can in time win her heart back. my only problem is i believe she has already started seeing someone else and it pains me to even think about it. My heart has healed a lot but i still think about the "what ifs" and i should add she is still in regular contact via texts only and very friendly too.


Am i being stupid in believing i can win her back? Or should i admit defeat and move on...

She did say that she didnt think the feelings would come back, but i also know she is blaming me for the low confident person she became, and she is scared to let me back in cause she thinks that would happen again. I adored her, and did so much for her but rather than be the affectionate person at the start i once was, i showed affection with nice gifts and providing comfort of money/security.

Your thoughts please? be kind too. i know i have messed up so don't need further hurtful comments.

oh, dont forget to press Enter ....

make some space in your posts !

Guess not then lol

I don't think you "messed up". This doesn't sound like a case of clear-cut mistakes, such as cheating or abuse or something extreme like that. To me, this just seems like a common situation of 2 people who just aren't supposed to be together. Does that mean you can't love her? No. Of course you can, and you do. Does that mean it wasn't once great? No, because it was. But not everything good is meant to last, and this is one of those times.

I do believe in falling out of love. I also believe in loving someone, but not being IN love with them. (I mean, you can love your mother, but you're not IN love with her...I hope. :)) Ultimately, I think she's embraced this realization and is moving on from it while you're having a harder time with that.

I don't think you should be doing what she's doing--partying all the time, exploiting herself. That's a childish response, and for me, it seems like she's inadvertently trying to "stick it" to you. But you can go about moving on in a much more mature way. Take some time for yourself, figure out what you want in the short-term and long-term. If you're interested in starting over fresh and new with someone, take it slow and keep it healthy. Try online dating! It's actually a good way to handle this sort of thing because most people who do online dating are genuinely looking for something meaningful; if they weren't, they'd be out at the bar picking up anyone who stumbles across their path.

Just my 2 cents. :)

Yes I do understand what you are saying. I actually found that we had got to the stage 4 in the long term relationship/marriage plan. Where we wanted to change each other too much, and stubbornness won that event and beat us both into waving the white flag and saying we've had enough. It took me just a week to realise my faults, and it took her a week to realise she wanted the early excitement of a new relationship not the stale relationship that ours had become. Sad really as I do still believe we were great together. Despite the difficult last year. Who knows what the future holds for us both.