Fell in love with a MARRIED LIAR....

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20-08-12, 11:59 AM
LoveStinkz

Fell in love with a MARRIED LIAR....

Part of me feels like an idiot for even wasting my time to write this. I already know what I need to do ... But I am sharing my story anyway....

Here goes.... I started dating this guy 6 years ago. He was so sweet. We spoke every day, spent time with each other and just enjoyed each others company. He told me he was 32 and at that time I was 25. Age doesnt really matter to me so i didnt mind. He told me he had a daughter and had never been married before. We move in together a year passes and things were going great but that womens intuition kept saying something was off. So I decided to do a public search on him and I found out a lot. Actually, more than I was ready to know. But you know what they say, when you go looking for something you will find something. I found out that he was really 37. He was married before and he admitted to me that he had several children with his supposed ex wife who lives out of state. I also found out that he was cheating. Not with one woman but with at least two.

Some way, somehow we worked through it. Another year has passed and things are going okay. Not great but okay. I decide to do some cleaning and I find some pictures of a young boy who looks exactly like my man. So I ask him about it. He admits it's his son from years ago. His son is 17 at the time. I was angry but I let it go. Once again we moved on.

Another year passed and we were doing okay. I still remain faithful, I still love him deeply. Then another blow... I find out he's still married. I was crushed. I felt like how much more is there to know. How many more secrets can there be. Why all the secrets?

I couldn't understand for the life of me why this was happening to me. But as usual I forgave him and moved past it. Things are now rocky... But we are "working" through it. 2 more years go by which brings us to last year. I'm home on a Saturday and I check the mail. A letter comes from the LOCAL child support agency. That was major for me because all of his kids are out of state. So to me that meant he had a kid with someone else who lives locally. I never gave him the letter. I kept it for a whole month while I did research. I found out the mothers name... The child's name... And the date of birth. Then I finally ask him... He didn't come out and tell me initially but he finally did. He fathered a child while we were together and she is now 2 years old.

I feel so many things. I feel angry, hatred, sadness... I've asked him to find his own place and our relationship is now over. It was over years ago... I just didn't know it. Or, I did I just didn't want to accept it.

I am angry for still loving him. Angry for not calling it quits sooner. I'm so many things... STUPID for thinking he could change and love me and be loyal to me. But I'm finally doing what I should have done 5 years ago and I'm moving on. Despite him blaming me for all of this... Despite him angry with me for not wanting to turn the other cheek AGAIN ... I AM MOVING ON.

All I really need to do now is stop this from happening again.
20-08-12, 12:06 PM
vashti

Try reading "Women Who Love Too Much". As I understand it, (and despite its stupid title) it's about women who jump through ridiculous hoops to hold things together with bad men as a result of their upbringings. I haven't read it, but I am thinking about it...
20-08-12, 12:11 PM
LoveStinkz

Hmmmm, I will definitely read it. My parents have been married for over 40 years. No kids on the side, no cheating, and they are still madly in love today. I envy them. I want a relationship just like theirs.

Thank you!
20-08-12, 01:39 PM
MaidenMinx

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveStinkz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hmmmm, I will definitely read it. My parents have been married for over 40 years. No kids on the side, no cheating, and they are still madly in love today. I envy them. I want a relationship just like theirs.

Thank you!

Maybe this is part of your problem? You have been raised to see that love is a wonderful thing when done well (love requires work) and that there are hard times that just have to be worked through. I think this may have blinded you to the reality of your last relationship. As much as I believe my signature, I think you may have taken that idea too much to heart. You can't build a perfect love with just anyone.

Keep going, meet new people, and make sure you know them better next time. :)
20-08-12, 02:10 PM
haxan

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveStinkz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

All I really need to do now is stop this from happening again.

Well, having the common sense to leave after the FIRST TIME someone bombards you with a shitload of lies about themselves is a great starting block.
21-08-12, 01:47 AM
IndiReloaded

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveStinkz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

All I really need to do now is stop this from happening again.

As Haxan said, you really should have left when you discovered the first lie. It was a biggie. Other than that, I don't think there is much you can do to keep other people from lying to you. You can trust less, but that will only hurt you in the end.

Just be smarter about it. Trust your gut and act sooner. I bet there were red flags flying if you think back on things. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck...

(I need to take my own advice on this)
21-08-12, 03:50 AM
LoveStinkz

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who have answered for not being judgemental and for not pointing out the obvious... How stupid I was for taking him back over and over. I've already ordered my book and I cannot wait to get it.
21-08-12, 05:25 AM
cheekxxs

That is sad tho. I feel sorry for you. Thats a lot of stuff!

But i wonder how or when? I dont blame you but i think as many people when they get the butterfly's in their stomach they dont
use they brain anymore they take everything for real and good.

They dont get to know the person for real. they dont ask serious hard questions, some even jump into bed as soon as they can.

This is why the dating and first friend period is so important.
Without any sex! Cause like a preacher said: BEFORE YOU JUMP INTO THE TAXI(RELATIONSHIP) ASK THE DRIVER(THE GUY) FIRST WHERE HE IS GOING(WHAT HIS INTENTIONS ARE WITH YOU, WHO IS HE, WHATIS HE ETC).!

I dont understand how you did all of that without knowing the real age. That is something that you could have know or find out from the first date. by just asking his id.

And i think there was a lot of big and hard stuff that he did. and you just brush it off? It could have come to a end sooner if you did take care of the first lie well!

This bastard is a mess! Did you meet his parents and friends, and never found out this stuff?

Im happy you move on. Get a lesson out of it and move on. that is all you can do.
21-08-12, 05:29 AM
cheekxxs

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveStinkz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hmmmm, I will definitely read it. My parents have been married for over 40 years. No kids on the side, no cheating, and they are still madly in love today. I envy them. I want a relationship just like theirs.

Thank you!

Maybe you need to ask them for some advice about dating and stuff.
Maybe they have been true stuff but not showing itto you , cause you where kid.

And i will se what kind of book that is, maybe i will read it to. i like educative books.
21-08-12, 06:14 AM
vashti

Mind you, I haven't read the book, so my recommendation isn't based on first-hand experience, and probably isn't much more than common sense, which is a lot easier to exercise when it isn't your own life you are talking about. haha
21-08-12, 07:37 AM
IndiReloaded

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveStinkz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

How stupid I was for taking him back over and over.

Was. Past tense. Don't beat yourself up b/c you are smarter now. Hope springs eternal but with age comes wisdom. On that note, I love Dale Carnegies quote, it seems fitting here:

As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.
21-08-12, 03:50 PM
caligirlx

As they say, "love is blind" don't feel stupid. everybody makes mistakes, and if you're anything like me, you'll make the same mistake 15 times before you learn from it. Dont be mad at yourself for still loving him, love doesn't fade over night, it takes time, and you will get through it. Keep your head up :)
23-08-12, 03:15 PM
Ange Barnes

Don't give this guy or your past with him ANYMORE energy. Embrace the excitement of a fresh start!