Am I jumping in to things too fast?

Hey guys,

A brief history on my relationship. My bf and I dated for about 3 months, practically lived together for 2 of those months. We both kinda jumped headfirst into the relationship. We never went out on a date or anything like that. We usually just hung out at his apartment and watched movies. The only time we weren't together is when we were both at work.

We both felt really strongly about each other for the first month and a half. It wasn't (and still isn't) just lust either, we have an emotional and intellectual connection. But since I was pretty much living with him, the feelings on his end started to slowly go away. I know I was a big part of him straying. I realized after we broke up that I was not showing him any kind of love, and I never wanted to do anything fun with him, and I never noticed or appreciated the sweet little things he did for me. I was basically a zombie. Then a girl he met around the same time as me started texting him again. In the end he broke up with me, for her. He says he never cheated on me in any way, besides the flirting in the texts. I'm not sure if I believe him, but before I found out about this other girl, I had always trusted him.

Two weeks later he contacted me saying he misses me. We started hanging out and pretty much dating again, but he was still talking to this other girl. After a week, I made him choose. He said he still has feelings for me but he has very strong feelings for her and he didn't know who he wanted to be with. I got the feeling that the feelings he had for this girl was just lust, and that he needed to figure that out on his own, so I decided to give him space. A little less than two weeks of no contact later (which was actually Thursday, last week) he texted me saying that he was ready to concentrate on us now. He said I was right and the feelings he had for the other girl was just lust.

I made the mistake of throwing caution to the wind again. We have seen each other every day since he texted me. I also slept with him a few times. I asked him the first night what we were doing. He replied "one step at a time". But then as the next few days passed, I started getting confused because we were acting like we were in a committed relationship. He also still had a dating chat app on his phone. I asked him to delete it and he got mad, saying how he doesn't understand why, because he only uses it for chatting. But he said he would. Skip forward two days, him and I were hanging out with two of his friends. The night was great, but whenever he's on his phone I get mini panic attacks because I'm afraid he's talking to some other girl. After his friends left he asked me if I wanted to spend the night. I said I did, because I wanted to spend more time with him and because my mom's boyfriend was over at my house and I don't like him. So we get into bed and I asked him if he deleted the dating app yet. He was obviously annoyed and said he hadn't but he hadn't used it in a day or so. I explained to him why it bothered me so much and he said "FINE! I'll delete it. Happy?" and he deleted it.

Then I think I went overboard. I wanted him to know what I needed him to do to prove that I can trust him again. So I started telling him how I'd like him to be more affectionate, so I know he really wants to be with me. I also asked him not to use his phone when I'm with him. He got REALLY angry. I've never seen him this angry before. I asked him why he was getting so mad and I don't think he even knew. I also questioned why he didn't want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend yet. He said it was because his feelings for me hadn't gotten strong enough yet to want to make any sort of commitment, just to have to break up in a few weeks if his feelings don't get stronger. I didn't realize that he was still unsure of whether he wanted to be with me or not. We talked everything for a few hours. With a lot of silence in between spurts of talking. I didn't know until last night, but when he gets angry (which he says VERY rarely happens, and he said he hoped it never would happen towards me), he doesn't like to show any type of affection, he doesn't like to talk, and he doesn't like to be around people, especially the person he's mad at. So I asked him if he wanted me to go home. He said he wouldn't make me go home when I feel uncomfortable there. Then I asked if he wanted me to sleep on the couch. He said if anyone sleeps on the couch, it'll be him. So after that, I was having a pretty bad anxiety attack and so I finally decided the best thing to do was to just leave him be and try to sleep. The good part is that he didn't sleep on the couch. And in the middle of the night he rolled over to face me (which woke me up) put his forehead against mine, and hugged me for awhile. But I'm not sure if that means he's not angry anymore or what. We texted a little bit today and he didn't mention it. I didn't want to be pushy so I didn't either, even though its eating me up inside. I want to know that we are okay because I feel like pressuring him like I did last night might have changed his feelings towards me, in fact he even said something about how the scale is now tipping the way I didn't want it to go. But then the hug and stuff makes me think otherwise. Should I ask him if we are okay or should I leave it be?

Anyway, I'm confused as to what I should do. Should I take it slow and just try to have fun with him right now? Or should I worry about rebuilding the trust? I'm not sure I'm even justified to not trust him. He didn't cheat (or so he says), so the only thing he did was lie about why he was breaking up with me in the first place, and then string me along a bit. I'm not saying that treating me like this was right, but I also don't know if it should result in me not trusting him. He seemed genuinely confused when he wasn't sure who he wanted to be with. He was almost in tears. I don't want to risk losing him again and I think I'm letting that fear get to me. But he did leave me twice. Am I taking the whole lack of trust thing too far?

I'm afraid that if we keep seeing each other so often and act like we are together, its going to push him further away because he's feeling pressured to feel feelings for me that aren't there just yet. Should I pull back a bit and give him more space? He doesn't seem to mind having me around all the time, but I don't know if he's just faking it or what. I was thinking about asking him if he wants to essentially restart our relationship. I know we can't completely do that because we have a bit of history, but I think it would be worth a shot to go into things slowly this time, and actually go out on dates. I'm hoping moving slowly and having fun on dates, will take the pressure off of him, and help him develop the feelings I know can be there in time. Do you guys think this is a good idea?

Any kind of suggestions you guys can give me about what direction I should go in would be greatly appreciated. The anxiety is killing me!
Thanks in advance!

Oh! And sorry if all of my thoughts are scattered all over. I'm kind of a mess right now :-/