Can't sleep..need someone to listen PLEASE! :(
Hi everyone!
I was doing really well for the past week or so since the break up, but tonight is oddly being extremely difficult. I can't stop crying long enough to be able to fall alseep. So I thought maybe if I vent a little, I will be able to sleep.
My bf and I dated for 10 months. We were friends for about a year, but last summer hung out a lot, before he told me he liked me. He pursued me hard and convinced me to give him a chance. The first 6-7 months of our dating was perfect. Then he got really busy at work, and within a month of us arguing a little over this, he ended it. We work together, so I still have to see him everyday. Sometimes we still talk if we are alone at work. He has the same story of he can't handle the stress of a relationship right now, he didn't want to be a crappy bf blah blah. He said he never thought I really saw him as a long term bf...that I didn't like him that way...but that wasn't a reason for breaking up. He says he still misses me, but tries not to think about it too much.
Tonight we ran into each other at the gym, and he offerred to walk me to my bus stop. We just talked for a bit...then he said goodbye. I miss those conversations soooo much...everytime we talk, I have such a good time and I never want it to end. It sooo hard to say goodbye for me. So when he said bye, I got a little mad and it showed. And he HATES it everytime I get mad.
It is soooo hard for me to imagine the boy who went sooo out of his way to date me, and who would text me goodnight every night, won't even reply to my texts anymore :(:( it breaks my heart. Even his behaviour at work seems soooo cold...like we have had no history.. if i talk and linger a little too long at his desk..he looks at and asks "is there anything else?". He says when he's at work, he has to act cold, and not look at me, or talk to me too much..because then he misses me. He said this one night when we just decided to have a talk.
There was so little wrong in our relationship. I feel so blindsighted that he just ended such a good thing that he worked so hard to get. I can't imagine any other boy taking this decision. And why does this always happen to me??? Seeing him everyday and not being able to be with him is heartbreaking. What do I do now?? I want things to be like when we first started dating ... we liked each other soooo much! How does a person go from one day telling you completely honestly that he likes you a lot and cares for you, to ending it just a few weeks later?? I don't understand this. And except the two times we had a talk, and he said this is hard for him too..rest of the time, all of this seems so easy for him. How is all of this sooo easy for him?? I just keep trying to talk to him whenever I see him alone..hoping to fix it. I don't know why it ended!!
Most days I let it go, but tonight I really need some support. I know you may have heard me talk about this before...but just anything that will help me make some sense of this and gain some peace tonight is all I am asking for.
Thank you for listening.... Hope
