She just wants to be friends...what?!

So there is this girl I've worked with for about a year. From day one she has been super flirty with me and always wanted to go out after work and do things such as have dinner, watch movies at her place, whatever. The weird thing is she has pretty much always had a boyfriend, and when she breaks up, she goes right on to another guy. Whenever I ask her anything, she says she just wants to be friends. Well she certainly does and says things to lead me on, hanging all over me, wanting me to massage her including her butt. All sorts of things like that, writing little "i love you" notes and what not. Her past relationships have been catastrophic, at first she was with a 32 year old (she's 19), then she went on to a big black convict who went to jail for theft. When he went to jail, she wanted me around even more, but still was "with" that guy in jail and wanted me as a friend. I tried to refuse to hang out with her as a friend, but she kept begging me to come over and watch movies with her. So finally I did, but now I've become "her friend". I waited and waited for her to dump this guy in jail, knowing that I would have a good shot, but when she dumped him, she automatically went to another guy she knew, and within a few weeks, he had basically moved in with her. I would normally just blow her off, cause I know she's playin me (for what reason I can't figure out) but I have to work with her every day so I can't shake her. I think about her all the time, and even dream about her sometimes. I don't know what to do or how to act around her at this point.

I think this woman suffers from a lack of confidence where needs to be constantly reassured that she is attractive to men. A somewhat harsh opening statement, but one from experience.

I had a relationship with a woman from work for a brief time. She was also one of these "flirty" women who was bright and cheery and needed attention. She was in fact already in a relationship which I had heard was on the rocks - I was the guy who she turned to when no was was giving her the attention she felt she deserved. A fall back position so to speak.
I was too blind with what I thought was love at the time to see what was happening in front of me.

From what you've described her relationships in the past seem to be destructive from the outset, as if she doesn't know what she's looking for in a relationship.

I think the only thing you can do is be her friend and thats all. Any hope you have for a real relationship with her would be leading yourself on.

I hope this helps.
H.R.

Why the hell would you want to date someone who has had sex with big black convicts?

I think you are right, hopelesromantic, she has told me before she doesn't like to be ANYWHERE by herself, therefore she needs attention constantly. The more I ignore her at work, the more she comes to me. I think it is good advice to just be friends. However, I kind of just want to rid myself of her altogether. She just doesn't understand, even though I've made it clear, that I'm not interested in being just friends with her while she dates every other guy under the sun. I'm an attractive, nice normal guy who wants what every other guy wants (sex of course), and to not give it to me even though I've done numerous things for her, but expects me to sit back and watch her relationships...is insulting. Thanks a lot for your advice.

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Originally Posted by hopelesromantic

I think the only thing you can do is be her friend and thats all.

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Are you kidding? Why would you suggest this dude stay this slut's friend?

Dude, get away from her, don't even try the "friend" bullshit cause you're always gonna want more, if she needs emotional support she can get herself a boyfriend to provide it, she's just taking advantage of your wussified character.

I agree with you Frasbee, the slut is taking advantage of my wussified character, although I don't buy her anything or do stuff for her. I'd like to get away from her but I have to work closely with her every damn day. She doesn't realize the only reason I hang out with her sometimes is because I'm thinkin that one day she might say screw it and wanna get it on. But I know that ain't gonna happen, so I need to ignore her as much as possible.

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Originally Posted by Frasbee

Are you kidding? Why would you suggest this dude stay this slut's friend?

Dude, get away from her, don't even try the "friend" bullshit cause you're always gonna want more, if she needs emotional support she can get herself a boyfriend to provide it, she's just taking advantage of your wussified character.

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I was thinking about their working relationship, - to make things easier rather than totally closing down on her. And having her take some kind of action against him. - That's all I meant

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Originally Posted by chiefmac88

I need to ignore her as much as possible.

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There ya go.

Oh, and two questions.

1. Where do you work and what are your positions?

2. What does the 88 in your username stand for?

We work at an awards store, I'm a graphic artist, she runs the front counter. Constant interaction. The 88 is Tony Gonzalez jersey number for the Chiefs. He's my favorite player and I thought to use it as my user name for some reason. Thanks.

Well if you just want sex from her just tell her I really want to just have sex with you. That should get everything out there. Who knows she might just go okay or just leave you alone. Of course do it outside of work. :) Just a thought.

I've thought about asking her if she just wants to do it and get it over with, and still be just friends. Unfortunately for one thing I don't have the balls, and secondly, as much as I'd like to shag her rotten, thats really not what I'm all about right now. But at work today, she made me look at this website she was on to show me the wedding ring she wants. She told me to remember it, and printed it out and posted it up on my bulletin board. She is totally playing me and I know it, how do I tell her to stop it without being an *******?

Also, she wants to go out of town with me this summer to meet my mom, and wants us to go on a carriage ride through town. I just can't figure her out. I need to talk to her about this stuff and try to get some answers for once, but I don't know how. Every time I try to bring up the issue about "us" she either avoids it the best she can or gets pissed at me. I do appreciate all your feedback on here, I'm totally lost with this one and for some reason all I do is think about it all the time. Thanks.