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Hi all,

First and foremost, I am new here, so just wanted to say hi.

My thread I'm sure is a common one that many users post; however, answers can be very subjective depending upon each circumstance.

To give some background info on the relationship, we attended school together this past year and eventually started becoming social with one another. She attended a houseparty I had around the Xmas season and we set up our first date. She told me that she was still living with her ex bf, whom she dated for about 10 years, but that the relationship was over, she hadn't been happy in years but only stayed with him because he was in an accident years earlier and felt she had to be there for him, and she just had nowhere to go at that point. She said he was very stubborn to the fact that the relationship was over. Anyways, about 1 month after the Xmas party, we became official, albeit some hurdles...her being unsure if she should get into a relationship with me because she thought it wasn't fair to me. About 3 months later, she moved in with me (perhaps a bit too fast in retrospect) but I couldn't bear having her at the house with her ex and all that. It would honestly bother me.

Things overall were going great. We enjoyed our time together, had a very healthy intimate aspect to the relationship...it was wonderful. Then out of nowhere an ex of mine pops up out of nowhere and as a human you start thinking about things like what if and all that. Eventually I totally just shut my ex out and said while I enjoyed our relationship, it wasn't fair to my new significant other. I know deep down it kind of bothered my gf at the time but we got through it and moved forward.

Again, things were overall going well but started getting slightly bumpy. As I stated prior, we were in school together and lived together and I think things were starting to reach that point where you get sick of seeing the same person 24 hours a day, not just while you're at home, but even in the academic setting. On top of that, I had never met her parents, just her older sister and younger brother (both adults), and that was it. We were supposed to meet with her mother on 2 occasions, but the mom would just end up canceling and I felt like there was a bias against me. See, as I said above, she had dated that one guy for 10 years and that's all her family had ever known with her. So I felt like I was in a tight spot.

Our relationship came crashing down about a a month or 2 ago and it just wasn't good. I ran into a little snag at school and couldn't continue right away, having to postpone my semester and it sucked because it was the last semester. We got into a fight about it one night and I was very upset and told her to get out, which I must admit was wrong, even in the heat of the moment....and she did just that...she packed up and left. She went with her mom and we were going to try to work things out, but the last straw I guess came when her younger sister (not the one I had met) messaged me one night saying that my gf was talking with her ex and asking if she could go back and live there and he was saying no because he was upset. This just caused things to get really nasty between my gf and myself, we got into a big argument. I had said some nasty things to her sister when she told me about this supposed wanting to go back and live with the ex...so my gf calls me the next day and says, "my sister is a nut, you shouldn't have listened to her, but I can't do this anymore..I'm finishing school and I can't wait around for you to get things back on track" and that was it. Over the course of the next 2 weeks I seriously tried to reach out to her, sent her a card with a letter, but she wasn't having it. She told me to leave her alone and I respected her wishes.

Sometime later, she messaged my mom and then me looking for an item she thought she left at my house but it wasn't there. I ignored her messages and all. I just wanted to move on because I care about her but it hurts not having her. I eventually wrote her an email saying goodbye and goodluck with everything, saying I enjoyed the relationship overall and perhaps one day we will cross paths again and if not, then it wasn't what God had intended.

She wrote me in response a few days later saying she was doing great, that she had found a calmness in her life, she had got a job right as school concluded and was also seeing someone (mind you, our relationship ended like 6 weeks ago) and that "I think this is the one. I feel so great but I don't want to have my bubble burst" and that "I enjoyed the relationship too. You helped me through a difficult time in my life, but I was disappointed with how you acted and everything towards the relationship's end, but it made me realize that I deserve nothing but the best"

I replied taking the high road saying "I'm glad you are happy and found someone who makes you happy and found a job right out the gate" blah blah blah, you know. It obviously hurt reading she is with someone else and they could be "the one" even after a few weeks. But I felt it was just a gut punch to me.

Don't get me wrong I am not trying to portray myself as the victim or her either. We both had faults, we both did some wrong things and in the end it was just a bad mix it seemed.

At any rate, ever since she contacted me sometime ago regarding her personal item she thought she left at my home, I've been dreaming about her pretty much every night.

90 percent of the dreams have been we are in the same place but we don't talk to one another or she might be avoiding me. There was one where we did talk and it seemed to be a good dream if I recall. I'm just going crazy over here. I don't like living like this, as I'm sure nobody does....aching on the inside, but having to go about life as if nothing is wrong. I miss her every single day. I just want clarity to this portion of my life. If not with her, I hope I can find someone else one day.


What you're saying makes sense. I definitely did hurt her spirit, feelings, all of that. It was just a combination of different things. School stressed the hell out of me, we were together all the time seeing as we were in the same program then had to go home at night together.

I guess I'm just curious about

A) what's with the dreams?

B) she moved on after about a month. I think around the 1st week of August. I obviously feel replaced and feel like she didn't care about me. I do care and love her, but I know deep down that this relationship is probably done forever. I just want to move on and get better. But what's the deal with her jumping so quickly to someone else and having found "the one" in a month?

C) I guess this is tied in with B, but as I said, I wrote her and responded taking the high road, expressing happiness for her new found love even though it rly was like a punch to the gut. Should I just fully ignore any potential future messages? And how can I fully move on?


Thank you in advance.

Ps I am finishing school with my whole PhD and everything worked out in that aspect of my life...