I have no idea what's going on...
Hi everyone. This might end up being a little long, so I apologise in advance.
About 6 months ago I met a girl, and not to sound cliche but our eyes drifted to each other across a crowded room, I smiled at her, she smiled at me, and I just knew I had to get to know her. Eventually I plucked up a bit of courage and friended her on facebook (romantic, I know), and despite the fact that we had never actually spoken at that point, she accepted. The next time I saw her she came straight up to me, sat down, introduced herself, asked me questions about my family, my life, my work, my interests - she even introduced me to a friend of hers and they gave each other a slightly knowing look regarding me.
For a little while this girl and I got to know each other. We would often go on walks together from place to place, around where we met, when we were free (we met through a mutual interest group, and would often go from there) - we would talk about all sorts of things, joke a bit, she gave me some compliments, I gave her some. She seemed actively interested in spending time with me, and would often slow down if I was walking behind her to give me a sign that it was ok to walk with her etc. Some days she would go out of her way to be alone with me (once sitting down together for a several hour conversation alone - in this conversation she brought up the idea of never knowing if someone was interested in her) but some days she would be a little distant. She would constantly stare at me - sometimes she would stare, I would turn to look at her doing it and she would immediately look somewhere else, and once I turned to look at her staring at me extremely intensely, and she held my gaze and smiled.
After a while I plucked up the courage to ask her out, so I casually (although very nervously) asked her if she would like to grab a coffee sometime together. She very enthusiastically said yes (she squealed a bit) but then started ranting abit about missing her friends and them not being around as much, which was a bit disheartening (in retrospect, I think she may have thought my offer was casual, friendly - although her acceptance and the way she said it seemed like she was interested). I was about to head off when she said "hey wait, I don't have your number!!!" and ran over. I couldn't remember it so I asked for hers and she gave it to me, and asked me to text her asap so she could also have mine.
A week or so later I contacted her and casually asked if she wanted to meet up soon, and she said yes although "I'm extremely busy at the moment so in a few weeks?" I left it alone, and in those few weeks we still saw each other and we still acted the same - both kind of like nervous puppies.
Eventually I decided I had to announce my interest in her more obviously, because I wasn't sure it worked the first time. On one of our walks, just before she had to hop in a taxi (stupid timing I know) I blurted "I just wanted to say that I like you and I think you are really cute" halfway through our first hug (we had known each other for months before this, and it was a very timid hug. She looked shy before it happened). She looked a little shocked, but I can't tell whether it was surprise, or whether she just didn't know what to do in the situation, with her taxi waiting and her having to go and me bringing it up at a silly time. She said something which I didn't hear, got in the taxi and as it drove off she turned to me and gave me a cute little wave and a half smile (bear in mind a week or two before, when I had walked her to her train, she didn't bother to wave to me when it set off). I wasn't sure what to make of the situation, but atleast she waved I suppose.
The week after I was hoping (since we hadn't seen each other since) that we would be able to talk about what I said, but she appeared really busy and left our meeting pretty quickly (although she didn't look keen to talk to anyone, not just me). My friends suggested that I maybe just message her and say "hey, about what I said the other day, I was just wondering if you wanted to talk about it. I don't mind what it is that you think, either way, but I was just wondering if I could get a little clarification. I hope you're weekend was ok," and that's what I did. I didn't get a reply - but heres a key thing that you need to understand, she never replies to anyone. No one. Ever. She specifically said to me once "I have a two to three week turn around period for most texts...others I dont even answer" and all of her friends stipulate that is so. I know the not returning messages thing is in this day and age supposed to be a huge sign, but please when analyzing my situation, just keep in mind that its a genuine aspect of her personality (she's the type who makes a date with a friend and forgets to show up).
The week after we ended up being alone (well there was someone else there) for about three hours, working on a project. The air between us was a little strained, but not in a "I don't want you here" way, but in a "I know there's something we have to talk about...who is going to bring it up?" way. We joked and laughed, shared sarcastic comments, chatted - but after a while that awkward "what's going on between us?" thing would creep in again, and she talked to the other person slightly more that day. Neither of us brought it up. A few weeks later, sick of not having an answer or any kind of response (the tension was still kind of there but she was being her typical self with me, kind and nice) I went over to her in private, and said "Look, its really completely fine if you aren't interested. Please tell me if that's the case". She said "no, no that really isn't it. I'm just really not in the right place for a relationship right now. I have no money, I'm in a new place, lots of stuff is going on..." "Ok...so it really isn't to do with me then?" "No it isn't". I then suggested that eventually, when/if she feels ready, perhaps she would like to go out together, alone with me, to a place I suggested - she seemed to think the place was a cute idea and even said "did I suggest that to you once?" (implying that she thought about it) and agreed. She told me to message her in about a month and a bit, and "don't be afraid to text me mercilessly until I reply."
I respected her wishes and resolved to not text about the date until that time. In the meantime however, we were both at a business event together with different sets of friends. At the start of the night she didn't even come and say hello to me (although when she saw other girls around me, I saw her giving me quite a few glances). Her friends were acting strange as well, very observant of me, and whenever I went to approach her they would go silent and stare. Eventually when she was alone I approached her and said hello, how have you been, and she said hi and good thanks, how have you been - and then pointed to the bag she was getting from behind the counter (the waiter was getting it) and didn't say anything else to me, until she grabbed it. She then said "I'm just going to go and sit with my friends" and I said "oh ok..." and she said "what time will you be around till?" and I told her. She then went off, and as soon as she got to her friends they all huddled in and listened to what she had to say, presumably about me. I went back to my friends, wondering why she didn't want to chat to me a bit more. From that point onwards however, she was staring at me intensely and constantly. My friend kept turning to me and whispering whenever she was doing it, and it was really really often (every thirty seconds or so). At one point her chair wasn't even facing towards me, but she would turn around, try and get my eye contact, and stare. She may have been a little tipsy at this point, but I have no idea what that was about. She never came over and chatted.
A few weeks later I sent her a gentle text saying "I know you said you aren't ready to see anyone, so don't feel like you can't say no, but I was wondering if you were free this week to go out with me?" She didn't reply. I heeded her advice and texted again a week later, and no reply. Although, that second time she was preparing to go on a long business trip for a month so it was probably a bad time anyway.
I decided to not send any more texts, and waited until we saw each other face to face again. When she came into the meeting she looked directly at me and gave a big smile and wave (I was a bit peeved so I ignored it at first, until she did it again and I smiled and waved back - she looked really upset when I originally didn't return it). She was flirty, teasy, she stared at me - all the good things. Neither of us have had much of a chance to talk yet, alone, about whats going on at this point. We've been at a few events together, in the same room, and she will wave and be happy to see me but won't come up (nor will I, I get too nervous), she will laugh at things I saw in conversations with people and stare at me sometimes, but never come up and talk. The other day she sat down in our meeting next to me, whispered a hi, and blatantly kept trying to draw attention to her legs. She seemed perfectly happy to talk to me afterwards, initiating the conversation - it was only a quick one though.
I've tried to get some information from our mutual friends about whether there's something going on that really isn't about me (I have overhead a few things about a break up or some kind of heart break, and she always comments on how down she feels at times), but most of them seem to not know that much, not remember it, or maybe don't want to say. From what I know she isn't interested in anyone else.
So to sum up - what do you think is going on? Does it seem like she honestly is having some difficulties in her life and doesn't know what to do about me? Has she politely tried to reject me, despite me asking for the truth bluntly? Is she keeping me hanging on? Once again, I'm sorry that its so long and thanks for reading and replying.
