Originally Posted by
IndiReloaded
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I see a lot of red flags here. I'll try to take them in order:
1. I agree w/Bulrush, your actions were aggressive. Next time, wait until the emotions cool before addressing the issue. That said, he would owe *you* an apology for stalking off. Based on your post I'd say you're not likely to get it. Red Flag.
2. While there are things you can do to help him be more comfortable, understand its NOT your job to 'make him feel safe'. There are some people who are so emotionally stunted/insecure they will never 'feel safe' enough to open up, even to partners, close family and friends. These are people with deep-seated issues and the only real way to handle them is to be secure enough to let them come to you when the mood strikes. Don't expect them to respond to your emotional needs with any great comfort, tho. Which brings me to the next point:
3. The fact he doesn't apologize (pride) is one thing. That he turns it on your is called 'gaslighting' and is a kind of emotional abuse. Again, its a sign of his deep insecurities, its not really about you. But, fwiw, you should consider it a Big red flag.
As for him being tired & cranky or not liking a guest, the paradox here is that she can only resolve this by communicating with him. Something he doesn't seem willing and/or able to do. I'd say the OP has a decision to make here about how bad she wants a relationship with this guy and what she is prepared to give up to get it.
My advice is to move on. Learn from this experience. I think you'll be much happier with a partner of a different personality.