Really Confusing Situation. What Should I Do?
My girlfriend and I have been together for three years. We have lived together for the last two, and are currently both on the same lease for our apartment. A week ago, she stayed out after work (as a bartender) and did not call, text or come home. She came home the next day at lunch and I busted her on cheating, although she didn't make it very difficult. She didn't try to apologize profusely and cry and get me to take her back. Instead she kind of just sat there while I was berating her and telling her how terrible of a person she was. She did seem hurt and I know she felt terrible about doing it, and although it is not a valid excuse, she was drunk and said she did not have sex. I am not totally sure about the last part, but it helps ease my thoughts if I just believe her, and not try to discover who it was she hooked up with. I have never been cheated on, and I always thought that it would be an easy decision to break up if it ever happened to me. It is not.
let me back up a bit. About a month ago, we had a discussion on where it was we saw our relationship going in the future. We both love to travel around and neither one of us like our current city. We both want to move, but kind of want the opposites as far as location is concerned. (She likes the beach and I like mountains. I want to live abroad, and she doesn't.) At the time, we agreed that we could compromise and do seasonal traveling, but I think both of us realized deep down that our future together would involve constant compromise on the things that made each of us happy. Unfortunately, it was nearing the end, although we had talked about marriage before, and still loved each other very much. Her idea of a career and life was just different than mine. We put the issue aside for a couple of weeks, and then she cheated on me.
Current situation: We have five months left on our lease, which is pretty expensive to terminate early. She has offered me the following as her idea of what we should do: She wants to stay in the apartment together, and continue our relationship as normal, but spend a little more time apart, until our move out date, where hopefully at that time we will each have a new place we want to move and sever ties at that point. The other alternative she offered was that she would move out and find her own place, but that we could still be friends with benefits, because she isn't interested in dating other people. This option sounds somewhat appealing, however, it is hard to trust her on this, and I don't want to end up getting played again later down the road.
I told her originally that I wanted her out and that I didn't want any further contact with her. After two days thinking that, I realized I still have massive feelings for her and don't know the right way to go. I know for a fact that this relationship does not have a future beyond our current apartment lease, (other than just friends) as she and I both want to go to new cities. I am hurt by what she did, and part of me wants her to suffer some consequences, but also realize people make mistakes and that she did not intentionally hurt me. And if I am to believe she only made out with this guy then it isn't the biggest thing in the world. But I have started to think that maybe we should just stay where we are, which makes a lot of sense financially, and just spend this last five months together and write off what happened. I am worried that this will end up causing me to start worrying about what she is doing all the time, become jealous, and potentially set myself up to get hurt again. I also have a feeling that since I know this is a dead end relationship, that I could continue to use the benefits of a relationship (companion, sex) but stay unattached in a way that I actually wouldn't worry about what she was doing without me, and when it came time to split I would be prepared and it wouldn't be so hard.
I am not looking to start dating anyone new, and absolutely do not want another relationship. And since I am trying to save for my next move, going out and trying to meet new girls all the time just for sex doesn't seem like something I honestly feel like putting a lot of time and money into. Like I said, I was in love with my girlfriend, and didn't really lose that after what she did. And we are really best friends and enjoy spending a lot of time with each other. I am in a dilemma for sure.
The biggest issue with the apartment is that I do not want to move out and have to sign a long term lease again, which is the only real option where we are, knowing I will be moving somewhere in five months. (That would involve deposits and moving costs and end up being about a $3000 expense). And I sure as hell am not trying to move in with my parents or anything and commute an hour to work everyday.
Is it selfish/idiotic/insane to stay with her just for financial, sexual and companionship reasons? Should I let her move out and be friends with benefits? Should I forgive what she did and just try to enjoy what would be the last five months of our relationship? Should we split ties right now and have no contact whatsoever? Is she using me for her own benefit, and I just can't see that through my love for her? I don't think she is doing that, but I guess that is a possibility. All of these questions are going through my mind all the time. Would love some advice on what I should do. I know this is ultimately my decision, I am just looking for advice from people who might have been in this situation before. I know this may sound confusing, but I can clear up anything that is not understood.
Thanks in advance for the help!
