Concerns For Ex's health (he dumped me) - Advice Please

Hi

My boyfriend of four years has recently ended our relationship for what appears to be no good reason. I am concerned for his state of mind and possible depression/stress causing him to come to such a rapid decision in the way that he has. I am going to explain what I have observed as honestly as possible over the last 5 weeks and hopefully somebody might have an opinion on it or some advice....

So we had been together for four years, two years of which living together, and we were pretty darn happy. We were talking about marriage, babies and a future together. We both have jobs where we are required to go away a lot, normally spending 2/3 nights away at a time when we do. The 3 months leading up to the break-up we had spent a bit more time apart than normal due to unlucky working patterns. The time apart in the last few months was difficult but had never for one minute made me doubt the strength of our relationship. I said a normal affectionate good-bye to him before a work trip and when I came back he dropped the bombshell that he doesn't know if he is happy anymore and doesn't know if we will have a happy future together. He couldn't really elaborate on why which I found strange. I KNOW that there hasn't been anybody else involved, my gut instinct told me there wasn't but I still had to ask him and I do believe that there hasn't been.

I told him that this wasn't making any sense, there had been no signs that he was unhappy, and there has to be a reason for this. We took a few days apart and I told him to think about the reasons for his unhappiness. He came up with a list of things that had been making him unhappy over the last few months. Trust me when I say they were NOT reasons to end a serious relationship and certainly weren't things that couldn't be fixed. A few of the things also felt like he was 'clutching at straws' - almost trying to FIND reasons rather than them actually being there.

The main thing that came out was the lack of communication on his part, if these perfectly resolvable things had been making him unhappy, why didn't he address them with me? How am I supposed to know that there is something bothering if he doesn't tell me?! The strongest relationships are the ones that are worked on everyday. He tried to blame his lack of communication on me at first, saying that my over-emotional reactions made him not want to communicate and cause conflict or bad feeling. He has NEVER brought a single bug-bear or thing annoying him about our relationship to my attention so he didn't actually know how I would react. A week or so later we sat down and I wanted to delve further into his lack of communication. He came to the emotional realisation that the issue is much more deep-rooted and stems from his relationship with one of his parents. He said he learnt that as a child it was easier to not say anything to avoid conflict/arguements and now it has become a habit that has taken over his life.

He has an extremely technical mind and is a thinker. He appears to, and has admitted, that he has annalysed our relationship to its death. He has spent the last couple of months annalysing every last aspect of our relationship. He has questioned whether we are right for each other and questioned whether or not we would be happy in the future. He has annalysed the reletively small things that had been concerning him about our relationship to the point where they snowballed and became far bigger issues in his head than they actually really ever were. He almost 'goes into himself' when the thinking and annalysing starts and can't think of anything else. He only seemed to be able to see the faults in our relationship and all of the thoughts were negative. It was like he had pressed a delete button and deleted all of the amazing positive things about our relationship. This obsessive annalysing combined with him not communicating finally errupted and he convinced himself that we wouldn't be happy in the future and that he didn't want to be with me.

Having spent the last four years of my life with him I obviously know him very well. I am extremely concerned about his behaviours over the last 5 weeks, they just aren't him;

His moods and attitudes have been changing constantly; He has been very up and down. One day very cold and definate about our breakup, another day very emotional and unsure. I've noticed that when he has been on his own he seems to be the coldest with me (via phone) and when he is with me he completely opens up to me about all of his issues and his emotions come out. He still seems to want lots of cuddles which I find strange from somebody that doesn't want to be with that person. It is as if when he has opened up to me about childhood issues etc he feels a huge weight off his shoulders and relaxes and is happy. Then he spends time on his own again and his mind starts again and he becomes uptight and closed again, annalysing everything. He seems to be seeing the negative in everything.
He seems to be getting worse and the last time I was him was very strange. At the beginning of our meeting he said he was fine and nothing was really getting to him that badly, well I didn't believe that for one minute. We started talking and he became extremely emotional, opening us about all of the things getting to him. He was very very down and in a real emotional mess. Then a bit later he started getting very worked up, uptight and saying that he needed to be on his own now to 'process' everything we had talked about. He was ademant he had to think about it all right there and then and continued to get more and more worked up until he could do so. Thankfully he has admitted that he needs some help.

He also seems to have forgotten things he has said, forgotten things I have said and forgotten things that have happened and I'm not sure whether this is conscious denial or subconscious. For example, due to the power of this statement that he made I remembered it word-for-word, he said "I can feel myself ruining everything but I can't seem to do anything about it" - that statement screamed depression to me. I brought it up a few days later and he was ademant he didn't say it, or didn't remember saying it. Also, I gave him a call to arrange meeting him for a chat and I specifically told him that I didn't want to talk about 'us' and our relationship and that I wanted to talk about him and his welfare and wanted to offer some support. He acknowledged that and we arranged a day to meet. I sent him a message to confirm a time the day before and he didn't reply at all. I went over to the flat that we shared together anyway, and when I asked him why he hadn't replied he said that he didn't know if he wanted to meet me because he thought we would just be going over the same thingsto do with our relationship that we had already covered and didn't know if it would achieve anything. He had somehow forgotten what I had said a few days before on the phone even though I was extremely clear about it. I have also talked about key positive times in our relationship, things that I know he would normally have remembered, and he has looked at me and said he doesn't remember.

Do you think there is a chance that there could be depression or stress affecting him here? He just isn't his normal, calm, rational self and he seems to have got worse over the past five weeks. His obsessive annalysing and inability to communicate are also issues that need addressing. He has admitted this and is going to seek help. I am just very concerned that he could be suffering from some sort of depression, stress or anxiety as well. I am also worried that this could have hampered many of his feeling for me and spurred him on to come to the breakup decision. He seems to have got from having uncommunicated concerns with our relationship to wanting to end it rather quickly and certainly does not seem to be the person that I know.

Any advice?

Thank you.