Im screwed by this....

Hey, pretty depressed fellow here.

I just want to share this with you and registered for this.

Long story short - i'm stuck in an utterly awkward spot and i don't know what to do.

Prepare yourself for a big text, i will try to make it as easy to read as possble. Remark: im not a native english-speaker and not close to good skills in this language. Also i write this down with icecold hands.

1. How it started

So i'm pretty much what you would describe as a nerd that likes heavy music, getting drunk and partying. We are a rather big group of people that share the same interests (i mean at some birthdays we are over 50 people that all know each other pretty well).
Since 9th grade, i know this girl and i never ever just felt interested in her. She's like the straight forward best friend kinda woman and was there often but it never came to more then 4-5 sentences at one occasion with long long terms where we didnt even see each other. That was until my ex broke up with me and a few months later i met her. That's when things started downhilling at a fast pace.


2. One of the best times of my life

So at this (pretty long and wild) night, we shortly talked about why and how i broke up with my ex and we started to chat. No flirty stuff, just the usual 4-5 sentences. When i accidently talked about a book i was reading at this time (brutally cheesy fantasy story) she got shiny eyes and so a two hour long conversation started, which felt great, because i thought 'hey, she's nice! why didnt you talk to here the whole time?'.
At the same time i became friends with her closer friends, so had the occasion to see each other really often - and we did.
We went out (with her best male friend) and had a lot of fun, e slept over on her couch and we repeated this for a few times. It was plain awesome - during the process of getting to know each other better, i started to realise, that this was a 'once in a lifetime' thing, i never knew (although i have a lot of experience with dating etc) before...
We share ALL interests, we never ever disagree on a basis of favours, we can talk for hours about everything, hell we even played our asses of in 10 hour sessions in guild wars 2, i shared 75% of my time with her. Who the **** wouldn't start thinking about a relationship when you meet someone that is like a female mirror of yourself? Maybe this is the problem in this story, but what i wanted to say: i never had in my 24 years this much fun in my life with a single person.
But i didn't flirt with her (not more then the occasional tickling games, remarks about her beautiful ass - excuse my words, bad english^^ - and a little bit of body contact. Nothing out of the ordinary here): i wanted to wait until the first blow of being amazed was over - this went on for nearly two months.


3. Inception

Let me start this with a quote from the movies: "Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it's almost impossible to eradicate" (look at the title)
As is said above, how could i not fall in love? The inevetible happened: i had a crush. But after i knew her pretty well after the good time with her, i had a feeling, that she could be tricky in a sence of building up more than friends-stuff.
So i met her best male friend (i would call him a bro, he's awesome) and talked straight: how is it about her and guys? At this time, i knew some of her boyfriends she had over the past years - and they were pretty much morons, seriously.
What he told me, was in short words the following:
"Dude, let her go, she's that kind agirl, that's cold to her boyfriends and is not about huge feelings. I know you, that would suck." and he told me about how her past relationships went and broke up.
After that, i erased the thought of conquering her heart out of my brain and kept on with a pretty strong relationship. Until last weekend, everything was ok after this

4. The Fall
We met at a birthday party and the awesome talks went on, and on. At one time i made a remark about Robert Smith from The Cure (i adore him and his work) and said: "if i was a girl, i would totally **** him".
She saw into my eyes and said to me like "did you say you want to have sex with me? go ahead!". BAM!!! Total explosion of my brain happened. The evening was over pretty quick and she texted me after we departed, that she wants to spend the next evening with me and some other dudes i know.
The weekend ended on sunday evening, when we played our favorite game over internet together and i started to tease her about her past relationships.
That's when she totally freaked me out: she told me EVERYTHING about her past men and indeed they were huge morons to her. One overly attached, one betrayed her, one had a (huge) drug problem so i thought about what my bro/her good friend said, and told myself '**** this! you can do better.

I have to remark here, that she said about one of them, that she only dated him, because he *fill in the EXACT basis of our shared interests here* but was totally disappointed by the fact that he wasn't anything like he pretented.
I mean, it felt like she just enumerates all the things i like and i am as she decribed how she fell for him - but with an amazed voice and i know for sure that she knew i thought about me being 'blessed' with this character-trademarks

I put a lot of efford in flirting from this time, but the outcome was like zero. She never replied positively to any of my ****ing attempts to get through her 'hull' to make her fall in love with me. So after a conversation where i got the feeling that she had me totally in her huge, HUGE friendzone (i had that feeling for a long time, because that's how it goes sometimes), i decided to write a text to her.

If anyone wants to read this message, i can post a translation, but the core was: "seriosly: standing in front of the most beautiful woman i ever met feels like shit and i dont want that anymore. i will stay at distance to you until we both can laugh together about this"
So i texted her this and felt reliefed because i was pretty sure that this was the thing to do. Don't get me wrong, the message was not about blaming her, i blamed me for making this all feeling awkward...

So here i am, the day after, and i have tears in my eyes because of how badly i'm ****ed. What i am thinking know at this moment is the following:

- why does she share a shitload of her time with me (i cannot tell if there was any sexual tension involved from her side - from my side there was!) when she can choose from many many other men who definitely kiss her ass all the time
- did i **** it all up with my message?
- will she reply ever to this?
- is there any chance for me to get the only woman i ever had such strong feelings for?

I do not expect anyone to read the shit that i wrote about this, but if anyone wants to share oppinions, go on.



I conclude my story with a quote from the song "Apple Shampoo" by Blink182:

I'll take what you're willing to give
And I'll teach myself to live
With a walk-on part of a background shot
From a movie I'm not in

The parts I skimmed through were retarded. Why are you using movie quotes and songs and shit to make your point? You probably came off as really weird to her.

I just wanted to make it nice to read because of the massive wall of text. Do you think she would pass that much time with me if i quote songs and movies all the time? I'm maybe pathetic right now, but i'm not dumb

You're nothing more than a friend to her. You haven't even tried to kiss her yet, and you've known her for months. Next time you like a girl, don't wait until the initial amazement is over to make a move. Kiss her within the first few times of hanging out with her, and if she doesn't go for it, move on.

Hey dude.. Send me an Email @ EddieFews@wayoftheplayer.com.. I may be able to help you.