Why did he lose attraction to me because I asked him not to care 4 me (in anger)?

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12-10-12, 04:35 AM
lostinthought9

Why did he lose attraction to me because I asked him not to care 4 me (in anger)?

Why did he lose attraction to me because I asked him not to care 4 me (in anger)?

So in August, we had a fight in which I asked him not to care for me if he's not going to respect me (in anger). After that, we stopped talking for 7 days after which I gave him a call asking him if he wants to be just friends, because in both our opinion, we were not too compatible and fought a lot.

We were back to being good friends, no fights, but last week, I realized he's seeing someone else now and that killed me. I realized I still like him and can't stay without him. He told me I need to relax and get over it because it just didn't work for 4 months and he can't be attracted to me anymore after me having told him that. I told him that I can't talk to him anymore because this hurts me a lot and I need to heal and get over my feelings for you instead of being good friends. He got very angry and upset first saying both of us can't live without each other, just that he can't love me anymore because of XYZ reasons and I must mature up because we're great as friends.

I didn't listen. I just get too hurt when I see him. I decided to try and be his friend and met him when he messaged me how much he would miss me after I told him I want to stop talking to him and that I should not ignore his messages or he would keep messaging me till I reply and that I need to chill and relax. I have gone NC since 2 days after the meeting telling him how we had started working on our differences and controlling our emotions after the fight and weren't arguing anymore for like a month. He got angry and left.

I don't understand why did he get SOOOOOOO upset with what I told him that he can't even give this a second thought. He says he's much happier now meeting new people who don't point out his mistakes all the time. I really just did it out of emotions but I truly care for him. I really can't stop thinking of him. Not been eating or sleeping properly. What should I do now? I'm very shattered and he knows that. And he's upset too to lose a great friend. I'm sure he would come back to me if he hadn't started meeting new ppl or I had apologized to him immediately. But now, I don't know if this is ever going to be possible since he said "I can never love you now...".

He kept asking me when I decided to go NC if 'I still like him', I don't know why he would do that after he made it clear he isn't interested anymore. It's confusing me.
12-10-12, 05:02 AM
Cerby

Well, you reap what you sow. You told him you only wanted to be friends when you secretly still wanted to be with him. He found someone else and you decided that you actually DO want to be with him and the friendship was a sham. Tough luck, next time you'll be a grown up and tell him exactly how you feel instead of playing silly games.

This guy is gone, hopefully you learned something here.
12-10-12, 05:09 AM
lostinthought9

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, you reap what you sow. You told him you only wanted to be friends when you secretly still wanted to be with him. He found someone else and you decided that you actually DO want to be with him and the friendship was a sham. Tough luck, next time you'll be a grown up and tell him exactly how you feel instead of playing silly games.

This guy is gone, hopefully you learned something here.

He says he is just meeting new people and not DATING. But I know he has started having hopes with someone else although he calls them just a friend. Does that make a difference?
12-10-12, 12:36 PM
Boisdevie

You blew it. Simple as that. So accept that you'll just stay as friends and stop getting upset that he's going to shag other women. Or don't see him.
12-10-12, 09:52 PM
lostinthought9

I disagree. What he has done is an example of the "grass being greener on the other side" not realizing that there IS going to be pain and hurt where true love exists. Ofcourse, there will be fights, arguments, pain, etc. but somewhere down the line, love would conquer, emotions would get in place and I would have held his hand till my last breath because I know what I feel for him. But as I said, the grass ALWAYS seems greener on the other side.
12-10-12, 10:29 PM
smackie9

What a bunch of fluff.

There comes a time when a person has had enough and he has had enough. He is working on moving on, and he ain't coming back. The more you let go the easier it will be to move on. Stop talking to him, no contact, no checking up on him, no seeing who he is with, and what he is doing etc.

Relationships will come and go in your life, this one ended, so will the next one and so on. This is how life teaches us about relationships......the breakups. It makes us reflect on the mistakes, and helps us acknowledge what is best for us after the healing process starts. This is how we prepare for marriage. The more you learn from these experiences the more successful your marriage will be.

Enough about this true love.....if it was true love there would be no jealousy, hostility, anger, meanness or hurt.
12-10-12, 10:56 PM
lostinthought9

Quote:

Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What a bunch of fluff.

There comes a time when a person has had enough and he has had enough. He is working on moving on, and he ain't coming back. The more you let go the easier it will be to move on. Stop talking to him, no contact, no checking up on him, no seeing who he is with, and what he is doing etc.

Relationships will come and go in your life, this one ended, so will the next one and so on. This is how life teaches us about relationships......the breakups. It makes us reflect on the mistakes, and helps us acknowledge what is best for us after the healing process starts. This is how we prepare for marriage. The more you learn from these experiences the more successful your marriage will be.

Enough about this true love.....if it was true love there would be no jealousy, hostility, anger, meanness or hurt.

I disagree. Not everyone is perfect. I'd had enough too, but it didn't mean I moved on like that. It's all about how much faith, effort and care you are willing to put into it, because if you try something genuinely and are dedicated to it, things work out no matter what. The only thing that's needed is that will from both sides. It's an indication of strength and faith. It all comes down to that. I believe I'm on that side of the spectrum.
12-10-12, 11:13 PM
Cerby

lostinthought, you are disagreeing with the things you don't want to hear. The grass isn't always greener on the other side, I am perfectly happy with my partner and wouldn't go looking even if someone jumped at me.

You are talking about faith and effort from both sides, but you were the one playing a game by asking him to be friends when you had feelings. Your foolishness pushed him away, and now you're trying to change the game so that what you have done makes sense and you can have him back. Relationships don't work like that. 4 months and it didn't work, you asked for friends, he said ok and went looking somewhere else.

He called you immature and gave you a list of reasons why he doesn't want to be with you, it might be time to look at accepting these reasons and becoming a better person before you try to fool this guy again.
12-10-12, 11:19 PM
lostinthought9

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

lostinthought, you are disagreeing with the things you don't want to hear. The grass isn't always greener on the other side, I am perfectly happy with my partner and wouldn't go looking even if someone jumped at me.

You are talking about faith and effort from both sides, but you were the one playing a game by asking him to be friends when you had feelings. Your foolishness pushed him away, and now you're trying to change the game so that what you have done makes sense and you can have him back. Relationships don't work like that. 4 months and it didn't work, you asked for friends, he said ok and went looking somewhere else.

He called you immature and gave you a list of reasons why he doesn't want to be with you, it might be time to look at accepting these reasons and becoming a better person before you try to fool this guy again.

You don't know the whole story. We both MUTUALLY asked to be each other's friends and not just me, because we HONESTLY believed we fought a lot and things had gone crazy. So I wasn't playing any games here. It was only after that when we started controlling our emotions that things started going greatly again and things weren't as bad as we thought they were.

Also, you do not know the entire story, because I have only shown myself in negative light here, when it's not even remotely close. It's just that I believe in optimism even when things go highly wrong and believe in bending down even when the opposite person doesn't. Remember, you cannot clap without two hands.
12-10-12, 11:42 PM
Cerby

There is no "mutual" friendship when feelings are involved. Things aren't going the way you want and you aren't getting the validation you hoped for here. 4 months and you fought a lot? Sounds like great compatibility. You're just spinning the web here in order to try and manipulate the dilusion that you have that this may still work out.

You're right, we don't have all the details, you seem to be adding them as them as you need to in order to make the situation fit the outcome.
12-10-12, 11:51 PM
lostinthought9

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

There is no "mutual" friendship when feelings are involved. Things aren't going the way you want and you aren't getting the validation you hoped for here. 4 months and you fought a lot? Sounds like great compatibility. You're just spinning the web here in order to try and manipulate the dilusion that you have that this may still work out.

You're right, we don't have all the details, you seem to be adding them as them as you need to in order to make the situation fit the outcome.

This is exactly what I needed while I'm torn apart from within. Thanks.

You really want to know the whole situation? Read it here and then pass your judgements: www dot enotalone dot com /forum / showthread .php ? t= 431646&p= 5463731#post 5463731 (remove the spaces and replace "dot" with ".")
13-10-12, 12:34 AM
bulrush

Quote:

Why did he lose attraction to me because I asked him not to care 4 me (in anger)?

Because guys tend to be more literal than girls. You got what you asked for. So be careful next time, what you ask for.
13-10-12, 01:16 AM
smackie9

You came here asking stangers what they thought.....well you got it. Stop arguing with us.....oh wait, I see a pattern here.