Breaking up with someone =(

Hello friends,

I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 9 months. First time I broke up with anyone over rational decisions. We had a great relationship and she is an even greater women. However after I graduated college I moved back home and the distance got to me, we told each other it was an obstacle that we would overcome. We made plans to move away together to a nearby city once we found a property and jobs there, unfortunately that fell through on both our ends. Because of my financial situation I could not afford to go visit her so she would come down whenever she could. The job search took a huge toll on me, even she mentioned I had changed, that I was no longer as romantic as I once was and I felt distant.

What I didn't realize is the distance had created a huge gap between us and I was no longer 100% fully into the relationship, she felt more like my best friend than my girlfriend. I tried to wait it out and make sure it wasn't just a phase or a side-effect of the job search (employment rejection letters should be illegal they hurt so much) but those feelings of not being into the relationship never faded. I wanted to do it face to face but having her drive 5 1/2 hours just so I can break her heart made me tear up just thinking about it, so I did it over the phone. I told her exactly what I am telling you all and she cried for a while, I didn't want to hangup the phone so I just listened to her cry for hours and finally I told her it was getting really late and I have to go. Saying the words "it's over" was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, and believe me I've had to overcome some obstacles. So here I am very sad and full of guilt, I've never broken up with someone for rational reasons and in such a way (the only time before I broke up with someone, she was seeing someone behind my back).

Is it normal to feel pain, guilt, regret, loneliness.

I hate making women cry - I know deep down this was the right thing, but that sometimes gets masked by the guilt and the insecurity of wanting to go back to her. I get moments of weakness when I want to text her and ask her if she is ok, should I? I haven't talked to her since our break because I want to giver her space, she texted me once because she didn't understand the break, so i explained it as best I could but then she started sending me pictures of "us" so I stopped texting her because I knew this wasn't helping her. Should I continue no contact?

You know whats funny, being the dumpee hurts but I feel like being the dumper sucks more, because YOU are responsible for hurting someone.

Life has many cycles, this relationship ended and so will the next and so on....until conditions are right for marriage. She will grieve the loss of the relationship, but she will heal, and move on and meet someone else. Life will go on. Don't let guilt make you contact her again....only contact her if you want to get back together and you know in your heart you can make this work.