Do I have any reason to hope?

Hello everyone, and thank you in advance for any advice. My situation is a bit complicated, and it spans over a period of 4 years. My girlfriend and I are both college students who dated throughout high school and were together for about 3 years until last summer, when she decided that she needed to be single. As a result, she broke up with me, and during this time, we tried to remain friends, mostly with me constantly wondering what she was doing and always calling and IMing her (which in retrospect was the completely wrong thing to do). She ended up dating one guy who treated her horribly, and she also messed around with two other guys that pretty much just used her. After a period of 5 months of dealing with these jerks and not finding a relationship, she decided that she wanted us to get back together. I took her back because I really felt that she was the one for me and all of the stuff she did while we were broken up was in the past. For the last six months we have been back together with the plans of getting engaged and married after we both finish college. However, just recently, she told me that she was really confused about us and our future together, and she needed time to think things through. She said that she still loved me and she isn't interested in other guys, but she felt that she needed more time to be with her friends and not worry about me getting upset with her going out and partying. Basically, she said that I don't trust her enough. I pretty much flipped out at this, telling her that this was completely unfair to me after everything she put me through during the first break-up and she was so lucky to have me in her life. I told her that it was the best thing for me to break up because I didn't think it was fair for me to have to wait for her again. I told her that if she ultimately decided that she wanted to be with me because she really was in love with me and as long as she didn't mess around with anyone else that I would take her back. But I also said that if I had moved on and possibly found someone else then it would be too late for her. So as of right now, I am not contacting her and trying to do my own thing. I still love her so much and desperately want us to get back together, but I also realize that she probably doesn't want that right now. So I am trying to keep busy, and hopefully she will make up her mind so we can either get back together or I can move on for good. If anyone can give me any advice or relate similar experiences, it would be greatly appreciated.

jgold- it seems like you already know what is best.

you're doing the best thing for you, which is to try and keep busy and occupied. Good luck since it can get pretty hard especially when you love someone so much.

Can't give you advice because i'm very bad at advice giving. Just want to give you encouragement in the route you're pursuing.

Hi, JGolds. We are somewhat in the same predicament here. I have trust issue with my girlfriend because of her past. She used to be a slut before she met me and we have trust issues. She just left me after four years. I took care of her when she was lost and now that she is successful on her 4th year of med school she decided she doesnt need me anymore. It was all triggered when she found a group of fellow med students that she can hangout with. They had fun drinking and partying while on a rotation in a province for one month. She lied to me about her whereabouts several times during this one month.

I know it is hard to move on but do you think we will have a good future with them? They have shown signs that they dont love us and they care more for themselves, their happiness and disregarded the way we feel. Do you think they can still treat us right? What if when we are sick and we truly need them? Do you think they will be there for us?

I do really think that we should move on. I know. It is so hard. I'm having a really hard time because I dont have anybody to talk to and I forsaked my friends four years ago just to be with her. I'm so lost now. I hope you have friends you can trust and be with you through this hard time. Take care!

I love these threads. They give me hope. I am chasing a girl who is dating someone for 4 years now.

4 years is a long time but man...does everyone consider everything that happened 2 seconds ago as not important past? Jeez...I think cheating is ok because the second your done having sex..its the past all-ready.

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Originally Posted by nidenlighten

Hi, JGolds. We are somewhat in the same predicament here. I have trust issue with my girlfriend because of her past. She used to be a slut before she met me and we have trust issues. She just left me after four years. I took care of her when she was lost and now that she is successful on her 4th year of med school she decided she doesnt need me anymore. It was all triggered when she found a group of fellow med students that she can hangout with. They had fun drinking and partying while on a rotation in a province for one month. She lied to me about her whereabouts several times during this one month.

I know it is hard to move on but do you think we will have a good future with them? They have shown signs that they dont love us and they care more for themselves, their happiness and disregarded the way we feel. Do you think they can still treat us right? What if when we are sick and we truly need them? Do you think they will be there for us?

I do really think that we should move on. I know. It is so hard. I'm having a really hard time because I dont have anybody to talk to and I forsaked my friends four years ago just to be with her. I'm so lost now. I hope you have friends you can trust and be with you through this hard time. Take care!

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Hey nidenlighten. Thank you for sharing your story, and I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I agree with everything you say, and I am trying my best to move on, but, as you must know, it is so incredibly hard to let go of someone who was the most important part of my life for such a long time. I really thought after we got back together six months ago that we were going to get engaged, get married, and start a family together. She always told me that she wanted to be a young mom and she couldn't wait until we got married. We talked again today, because I didn't think we left off on a good note yesterday, and we actually had a good conversation. She told me that her confusion has nothing to do with any other guy and she doesn't want to be with anyone else, but she still doesn't know exactly what she wants. I made it clear to her that at this time I am moving on and the only way I would take her back, if she decided she wanted to get back together, is if she truly was "in love" with me. When I told her I was moving on she started to cry so I know this is difficult for her, and that makes me feel a little bit better. I guess I won't know for sure what is going to happen until she makes up her mind, but I'm not going to hold out the hope that we are going to get back together, and I'm going to treat this time as us being broken up for good.

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Originally Posted by Only-virgins

I love these threads. They give me hope. I am chasing a girl who is dating someone for 4 years now.

4 years is a long time but man...does everyone consider everything that happened 2 seconds ago as not important past? Jeez...I think cheating is ok because the second your done having sex..its the past all-ready.

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Only-virgins, are you really that pathetic? Why would you chase someone who is already in a relationship? You're a vulture. Good luck loser.

I think u more than anyone knows the answer to your question!

Sad truth is-deep down u have hope.Why?

1.You love her, it will take time to make those feelings go away.

2.We're human beings! Hope is part of who we are and nothing would ever change that.

If u truly love her, have hope believe that everything happens for a reason! If she's meant for you, she'll come back to you!

You don't need a reason to hope! You just do!