Was it the right thing to do?

Hi All,

This is my first post, and I don't think it is going to be a brief one - and I have two problems!

I'm 27, have had 3 medium-long term relationships, fairly consistently since I was 20.

I recently broke up with my (ex)girlfriend of 18 months, things were amazing initially, but I had been thinking about it for a few months, however not talked about it with her, as the main things which were making the relationship unfulfilling she could not change. The main reasons for the break up were that I was beginning to resent spending time with her, she was resenting me spending time with my friends, I couldn't have the level of conversation I would have liked with her, our romantic life had dropped to nil (there are reasons on her part for this), I was missing having time alone, and recently I have been annoyed with her for no good reason. I still love her to bits and care for her, but I don't think I am still attracted to her.

Just before we got together, I had a romantic encounter with someone from work, who is amazing: intelligent, funny, so similar to me, similar life goals and outlook on life; she also used to be my manager at one point. Recently we have been flirting a bit at work; she has been habitually single for a while. She is basically my dream woman... but I never thought I had a chance - she is 5 years older however.

This weekend (before I broke up with my girlfriend) I went as a friend to her parents home to make up numbers in a pub quiz - a random invitation, but I accepted. We ended up having a long chat, a bit of alcohol, and kissing. We had a conversation which ended with us saying that we both liked each other and wanted to be together. The next day, I spoke to her and asked if she was serious and she said yes. Since I have wanted this (even while I was with my GF) I came back and broke up.

We arranged to go out, but we can't see each other for 2 weeks due to her moving house and having a busy schedule. This, and a fairly low level of conversation are making me worried that she is having second thoughts, but I don't want to talk to her too much and sound clingy, which is a massive risk as I am used to being in a relationship and she isn't. I know she is busy, but would like some clarity on what is going on - however, things may be clear to her, as I have been out of the dating scene since Uni.

I am now having second thoughts about what I have done - giving up something guaranteed for something risky. My Ex wants to come over later and talk about giving it another go, and I don't want to string her along but equally I don't want to say no and it be a mistake.

Any thoughts on the situation? My friends seem to think that I should take the risk, apart from a couple which think that I should break up and just be single.

I'm so confused, and this is the first time I have ever felt like this - I can't concentrate and am having emotion swings and I don't get emotional. It has only been 2 days since the break up, so this could legitimately be me being scared about change, but would really appreciate other people's views! At 27 I am starting to think about a family etc. so don't want to give it all up if it is a stupid idea!

Thanks Guys!

If you're not sure about being with her, then don't. You're just going to hurt her again and still end up single in the end. Plus I see a lot of reasons why you're not happy with her, and those aren't going to just disappear.

Don't settle, just because she is a sure thing doesn't mean she is the right thing. You're 27, you're in the dating prime, don't settle, just go out and play the field a bit until you find someone that makes you happy.

Are you afraid to be single? You shouldn't be. You should take the risk of being single. You can go out...hang out with your friends and date whoever you want! Sure, dating can be tough....but it can also be a lot of fun if you are honest. You are not happy with your GF (ex now) so move on. It happens. Just see how things pan out with this other woman...who knows? Take a risk!!

Thanks Guys,

I guess I am a little afraid of the single life; I have never been a fan of it and have always been more comfortable in a relationship.

I have also always been a bit risk averse! I think I may just be wanting something "right here right now" as opposed to being patient!

You have to learn patience. Being single can be great! You can do whatever you want...whenever you want! Sure, it can be lonely at times but that's what friends are for and hobbies.

Thanks Guys,

A few days down the road and I am feeling a lot better about having done the right thing with the Ex.

I think it was just that I was worried that If things didn't work out with the upcoming date, that is the only opportunity gone! But I know it isn't.

IT's so easy to panic in these situations... and that's just what I did.