How to deal with my fiance's temper?

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20-11-12, 10:54 PM
NicoleL

How to deal with my fiance's temper?

When my fiance and i met 2yrs ago i was engaged to another man but broke off the engagement to be with him, We always had a fiery relationship but i love him so much. We mostly argue after we've been out with friends, He says that when im dancing with my girlfriends im acting like a slut which really pissed me off i wanted to hurt him after that so when a random guy started talking to me, i was having a laugh with him, My fiance pulled me away & accused me of flirting, When i tried to tell him i wasn't he got angry and told me to behave myself and that i was disrespecting him and to knock it off" Because i was drinking i felt 'brave' i started insulting him with words, he'll held my chin, put his head level with mine not saying anything just staring at me, When i tried to push him away, he pushed me against the wall, he then punched the wall and left, but when we cool off our love is very intense.

Yesterday i had a day off and woke up after he'd left for work, he came home at lunch time saying he couldn't stand the fact that he hadn't had sex with me since the day before and sometimes says things like hes gonna have to get me pregnant to keep me from going anywhere.My bff says we are two people who love each other but don't belong, we know how to push each others buttons. She also thinks he acts the way he does because he does not trust me or other guys around me and that she thinks he has issues separate from our relationship but the relationship itself triggers him, that he believes if he can wear me out with alot of sex, i won't stray. She also said i was stupid for pushing his buttons to get a reaction. I know he doesn't trust me because of how we began seeing each other and thinks i'll do the same to him and me acting like i do doesn't help. I love him so damn much and i want this to work out for us, I could never imagine leaving him so apart from counseling is there anyway to fix this ourselves? Advice would be great.
20-11-12, 11:04 PM
VincenzoG91

He's a violent, stupid control freak. The world will be a better place when he is dead. Counseling probably won't work for him because he is happy the way he is and thinks that you're the problem.

You need to break up with this guy before he gets you pregnant. Then go get some therapy to help you outgrow your immature bad boy phase.

Unfortunately, you're not going to do that. You will try to magically transform him into a decent human being with the power of your love. Instead, you will one day look in the mirror at your two black eyes, with two crying children in the next room, wondering how your life turned out so badly.
20-11-12, 11:10 PM
Boisdevie

Quote:

Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Unfortunately, you're not going to do that. You will try to magically transform him into a decent human being with the power of your love. Instead, you will one day look in the mirror at your two black eyes, with two crying children in the next room, wondering how your life turned out so badly.

Unless he kills her.
21-11-12, 12:00 AM
HeartIsAching

Quote:

Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He's a violent, stupid control freak. The world will be a better place when he is dead. Counseling probably won't work for him because he is happy the way he is and thinks that you're the problem.

You need to break up with this guy before he gets you pregnant. Then go get some therapy to help you outgrow your immature bad boy phase.

Unfortunately, you're not going to do that. You will try to magically transform him into a decent human being with the power of your love. Instead, you will one day look in the mirror at your two black eyes, with two crying children in the next room, wondering how your life turned out so badly.

Pretty much exactly what I was going to say.
21-11-12, 12:56 AM
bcgirl

And you two are getting married??? That is stupid all in itself. You two have a love\ hate relationship and those don't ever work in the long term unless you two will be forever unhappily married. If u think its bad after 2 years? You will see worse of his temper gaurenteed. And what's up with u flirting in front of him to make him jealous?? Seems both of u are too immature to even consider marriage
21-11-12, 06:39 AM
bcgirl

Sounds very manipulative and controlling to feel like he must in pregnant you so you won't stray. I mean c'mon....who thinks like that unless he's a psycho?! And u are just adding fuel to the fire by flirting in front of a jealous bf
21-11-12, 07:46 AM
Wakeup

Let me guess ~ you cheated on your fiance because he treated you with respect and didn't give you drama. YOU need help just as much as your bf does. Aside from councelling (even that will take years of personal therapy) there isn't much that is going to make this union a functional one.

Besides the sex, what makes you think you love one another?
Did you have a good and happy childhood, Op?
21-11-12, 07:49 AM
HeartIsAching

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Let me guess ~ you cheated on your fiance because he treated you with respect and didn't give you drama.

Where do you get that?

I personally think he may believe she's a cheater because she left someone else for him, but that isn't totally unreasonable. The rest of his behavior is - why would you be so quick to blame the victim?
21-11-12, 08:16 AM
Wakeup

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Where do you get that?

I personally think he may believe she's a cheater because she left someone else for him, but that isn't totally unreasonable. The rest of his behavior is - why would you be so quick to blame the victim?

Because a woman that would stay with a man that she cheated to be with and not want to run for the hills when he treated her the way this guy is... then she has her own issues to deal with, HIA. Don't get on the "You're blaming the Victim" run-a-way train. She's not a VICTIM if she chooses to stay with someone who is not treating her well. The fact that she knows how he gets when she is flirting, yet went ahead and flirted with a guy right in front of her bf and then outright denied that she was doing speaks volumes about her joy of drama.

Quote:

I know he doesn't trust me because of how we began seeing each other and thinks i'll do the same to him

To me that says she cheated on her fiance to be with the abusive dick she's now with. If I'm wrong, then I apologize for reading that wrongly.

I'll add that I'm still very interested in the answer to these questions:

Quote:

Besides the sex, what makes you think you love one another?
Did you have a good and happy childhood, Op?

I'll also add that IMO she should look into personal therapy or some sort of CA support group so that she's dealing with her own issues. She's asking for ways to make this relationship work.. I tend to think that Once she works on why she'd stay with someone like him, then she'll not want to hold onto such an abusive piece of work as the guy she's now with.

She has zero chance of controlling him or anything he does... she' has 100% chance of being successful in controlling herself and what she does to keep her emotional and physical health though but she has to have the wisdom to accept the things she cannot change (him) and the strength to change the things she can (herself and getting herself OUT). She knows he's a prick so I'm not just going to tell her that.