What is the issue?

Printable View

26-11-12, 03:09 PM
Devagio

What is the issue?

Ok so this is pretty long, I am a bit puzzled. I'm 19 male and I say I'm good looking 8/10. I am also a virgin but I'll get into that later. So here's the deal. I've had relationships and flings before but those were in high school, yay. Now I'm attending a community college and I assumed that getting into a relationship would be well easier. It seems I freeze up when it comes time to talk to a girl you may be interested to. Outside of this realm I am a very confidant person when it comes to 90% of life. I have dealt with rejection in the past....alot. I got passed over for someone who was "better looking" or "more popular" which I wasn't unpopular so I don't know. I'll be the first to say I am different with alot of my thinking but nothing crazy at all. On top of that the relationships I've had all ended because the other side was "too busy" the saddest thing about that line was they were telling the truth. They were A students with scholarships on the line and I was a "distraction" even though none of them really were anything but texting and holding hands between classes. So where did it all fail? I analyze things alot because this whole thing of life is one giant puzzle to me. I thought guys were supposed to hold doors and pay for dates. But I read that makes the guy seem weak. But then girls complain that their boyfriend is an *** hole. So then I thought you were supposed to be accomodating. You know if she texts you at 2am upset you talk to her or she needs something you are there for her. Well apparantly this annoys girls. Ok so creativity. This is my strongest attribute. I was known around my class for it. Flowers for good luck or a very fun way to ask someone to a dance? or a very sly "in" to get a date on a friday. Well strike three because this is apparantly aggressive and can scare the girl off. Haha It's so tricky. I dont get it because I'm not awkward around people. I can have converstions with people I meet instantly. Where is the disconnect? Is there an easy way to do this that I am missing? Why am I so gun shy when it comes time to ask a girl out? I don't just want sex I want a real world relationship and know how to maintain one but not how to get one I guess. And not to seem shallow but you see some real ugly and F'd up couples and think to yourself...."They have one but I don't...why?" Also is being a virgin at 19 abnormal? I feel like it is? I've been close but haven't closed. I'm not a shut in either I do go out with friends and am an athlete. Any help is greatly appreciated and thanks in advance!
26-11-12, 03:15 PM
Over The Fence

Hi Devagio. Welcome to the forum, I removed your other posts of the same content and left this one. The regulars here read all the forums, so you'll get advice none the less. Good luck with your issue!
26-11-12, 03:16 PM
Devagio

ooooh sorry about that i reposted one again.....im new
26-11-12, 03:21 PM
Cerby

You're young, and women in their late teens and early 20s are very difficult to figure out. Have you tried anything unconventional? Online dating or anything like that?
26-11-12, 03:23 PM
Devagio

I'm very unconventional.....no online that thought kinda scares me a bit anyone can be anyone on the internet

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You're young, and women in their late teens and early 20s are very difficult to figure out. Have you tried anything unconventional? Online dating or anything like that?
26-11-12, 03:30 PM
Cerby

I found college to be fairly easy to meet people because the beginning of each semester was 3-4 new classes, mostly with new people, and you could walk in and find someone who was cute to sit down beside. From there you would eventually start talking, and then it became easy to decide whether to ask them out or not. If they rejected you, you just move to another seat in the next lecture.

I think you might have some confidence issues, your post has an overall negative outlook about yourself. Just going up to someone and asking them out is definitely too straight forward, but starting to chit chat with people around campus and working on a few different women at once isn't a problem. Observe books they're carrying, etc, and use things you already know you have in common as ice breakers. If you're creative, go hit on some of the artsy chicks.
26-11-12, 03:32 PM
Devagio

Definatly have some confidence issues in this department.....I know how to talk to girls it just seems that "talking" to them i tend to freeze. I like the tips though! So creativity doesnt scare people off?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I found college to be fairly easy to meet people because the beginning of each semester was 3-4 new classes, mostly with new people, and you could walk in and find someone who was cute to sit down beside. From there you would eventually start talking, and then it became easy to decide whether to ask them out or not. If they rejected you, you just move to another seat in the next lecture.

I think you might have some confidence issues, your post has an overall negative outlook about yourself. Just going up to someone and asking them out is definitely too straight forward, but starting to chit chat with people around campus and working on a few different women at once isn't a problem. Observe books they're carrying, etc, and use things you already know you have in common as ice breakers. If you're creative, go hit on some of the artsy chicks.
26-11-12, 03:36 PM
Cerby

Depends on how you use that creativity. Bragging about making tinfoil hats to protect yourself from the government = creepy. Conveniently sitting next to someone you don't know and sketching an artful drawing while half-paying attention to a lecture = money. The trick is you need to not suck at drawing.
27-11-12, 03:42 AM
basilandthyme

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Depends on how you use that creativity. Bragging about making tinfoil hats to protect yourself from the government = creepy. Conveniently sitting next to someone you don't know and sketching an artful drawing while half-paying attention to a lecture = money. The trick is you need to not suck at drawing.

too funny. And too true