Which way should I go?

Here's the speel, and i'm going to shorten it as much as I can.

When i was 21 (4 years ago) I was engaged to the father of my son. We had been together for 3 years, we had overcome alot of hurdles in our relationship. From other women, other men, fights, a short drug habbit, pulling each other out of these situations, and teaching one another to be better people. After we had our son things slowed down significantly. We got engaged when i was 20, and when i hit 21 things seemed just too slow. I wanted to party, i wanted to live a crazier life like the one we had lived before. I needed to grow up. So i regrettably dumped him, and heartlessly left him all alone. Before you feel so bad for him, you have to understand it happened within a 4 month spurt, and those 4 months have been on my mind for the last 3.5 years.

Fast forward some, several short boyfriends later, alot of growing up happening. Learning how the world works without him being the middle man between me and the world around us. I learned alot of what I had done wrong, and that not every man would bend over backwards for his sig other. Now in this 4 years, several times I have tried to fix what I had broken, and sometimes he would entertain the thought for a few days and ultimately decide I had hurt him too bad. Against what my heart wanted, i decided it was time to move on. Several boyfriends, flings, whatever later. I met my current fiance. It wasn't love at first sight. But more of a comfortable thing. I care for him, i love him but it doesnt hold a flame to my prior fiance. He's not a bad guy, he's just not the man I saw myself with. Hes a typical gamer/take care of me guy. Very much so like I am his mother, not his fiance. But i've adjusted to it. However haven't ever been able to just drop the memories and thoughts of my ex. I'm trying to move on with my life, but the truth is I know where I want to be. I understand I just sound like a horrible person. But really I just don't know which way to turn. The problem is now my ex fiance, after 4 years has started insinuating that he wants to rekindle what we had lost. As it is something I have dreamed, cried, and obsessed over for the last 4 years, my heart is skipping beats.

Recently my father passed away who my mother had been divorced from for the last 10 years and she confided in me that she was still madly in love with him and kicked herself for not trying to mend their relationship, and that she will never love a man like she loved him. That her current relationship doesn't hold a flame to what they had togeher but she loves my current step father.

I guess my question is, should I go back in time, and fix what I had broke. But in the midst break anothers heart? Or should I just let it be? Should i follow my heart on a possibility? I have entertained the thought, thus i feel already guilty. But I really need advice. Perhaps anyone who has gotten back with an ex after several years, was it good/bad?

Thank you for reading this.

And perhaps i should mention that in 4 years my ex fiance and I have remained great friends, we have a son together and both agreed that we never wanted to be the cliche parents who hated one another. That we wanted our son to know that his parents love eachother they just wernt working out. So we keep in touch quite frequently.

I have two questions that I would very much appreciating you answering without getting snotty and defensive because they are just questions... It's too soon to judge.

1. Why would you have a baby with a guy that you were'nt getting along with? (the ex)
2. Why would you get engaged with a guy you don't love?

What's up with that Nerdy?

Im not generally a snotty person, so dont anticipate any lol

To answer your first question, i got along with my ex. We didn't have any issues, we just lived a crazy life. I was on birth control and it just happened, not planned at all.

The second question is that I love my current fiance, but on the varying levels of love, i dont really believe anyone comes close to your first real love. But i definitely feel as though I don't love him in the way a wife should love a husband. I've never been married though, so its definitely all a little greek to me.

Your first relationship had many hurdles, "other men/other women" That isn't love. It's dysfunctional attachment and addiction to drama. This new guy is probably sane and steady in his life ~ so you're bored.

Anyway, your question cannot be answered by anyone here... you have to make a decision but you'll be able to make a better one if you know what's in your own makeup. Don't confuse drama for passion. Don't confuse normal for boring.

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Now in this 4 years, several times I have tried to fix what I had broken, and sometimes he would entertain the thought for a few days and ultimately decide I had hurt him too bad.[/

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So.. he had several opportunities to reconcile but chose not to do so.. Now that he sees that you're engaged to someone else suddenly:

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now my ex fiance, after 4 years has started insinuating that he wants to rekindle what we had lost.

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Yea, okay. *rolls eyes*

I have one other question before I let you decide your own fate based on what you've shared and I've high-lited. Why are you still talking about getting back with this man when you are in a new relationship? It's clear why you're living in the memories of your past ~ it's because they're still very much a part of your present.

I think you'd do well to be alone for a year or so with no contact with either of these or any other man so that you can figure out what you actually need in a partner before choosing.

i think when people start seeing that their life is messy like this.
they need to stop any kind of dating and having any kind of men in their life.
and start working on their selfs. by counseling or reading books or reflecting on
what they really are and wants in life.

cause its like a mess to jump here and their having unfinished feelings and hurt and take that whole
mess to another relationship and so on.

i think often woman think that they have to be or make it work with the father of their kids. or someone that they have
been with for a lot of years and the history they have together. even thou they know they are no match.
so they keep hanging on habit and the fantasy to be with the father of their kids.

But u should have figure out way before having sex if that dude is the right one for u.
By taking years of knowing him and family and history etc.

start using your head instead of your heart for a while.

Not cause u have a kid with him and history u have to keep forcing things.
Your son suffers 2. and u will see that when he grows up.

Stop messing around u r no teenager anymore. But a grown mother.
so take time alone single to see where u at.