Are my expectations too high? Wished my boyfriend was more outgoing and productive.
I love my boyfriend a lot. Sure. We have a few things in common. We are both medical students. We love sports. We laugh a lot. The sex is great. We support each other. He's really sweet, doing a lot of good things for me, bringing the occassional gifts, bringing me home even when it's far away from his place.
However, I'm not sure if I want to stay with him anymore.
We've been together for a little more than a year. He's okay looking, though I've dated four or five times the number of people he's dated (I'm his first girlfriend). That was okay, though. But it's just that his lack of self-confidence, lack of responsibility, and comfort in a routine (which I used to think was cute and secure), is starting to get on my nerves. I'm a self-confident sort of person, who invests a lot in my studies, likes talking to a lot of people, joining loads of organizations and doing little entrepreneural side jobs. On the other hand, my boyfriend failed one subject in first year medical school, which delayed his medical education and put him in the batch below us while he retook that one subject. Ever since then, his belief on medical education is that it's too tough for him, and has considered going into Chinese medicine as an alternative. (I'm not sure if it's because it's easier or because it's really his passion). Lately he's been turning into a more reclusive person, and I have a feeling he's getting more reliant on me for his activities. He supports my entrepreneural ventures, but other than Chinese medicine weekend classes, the only thing he does these days while waiting for the next school year (cause he got delayed) is to stay in his apartment, read novels, eat, and play the occassional soccer twice a week. I'm not sure if my expectations are too high, but for someone who is fully occupied with medical school ten hours a day with only 5 to 6 hours of sleep per night, the difference between the two of us marked.
I guess that's okay too. Until I hear whenever his brother and sister push him around and he doesn't do anything about it. Or that whenever his old crush asked him to do something, makes him wait for a really long time, then plays video games at her house and goes home at midnight. Or that he would lose his wallet, car keys, license, phone, or whatever other important thing. Or that our first anniversary consisted of food and lovemaking and nothing much else creative from him. I'm okay with that most days, but it's a routine - not something you do for your anniversary.
It sucks cause I know he loves me a lot. And probably depends on me to inspire him on being more productive or something. And we're schoolmates. But I'm not sure if I'm still in love, though sometimes I can't help calling him or hugging him and stuff like that cause I miss him. We still do laugh a lot.
But the question is popping in my head in increasing frequency these days. Especially when I would talk about having to study better in school like an A student does, and he says, "Don't! What about me? You won't have time for me anymore." Or whenever I'm tired from cramming for an exam and he's too hyperactive, talkative or horny to actually care. I'm not the perfect person, and I know it's hard to find someone who will love me for who I am without a lot of expectations like he does, but, should I end it?
