Need comments or advice...

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23-12-12, 05:32 AM
bocaccio

Need comments or advice...

Title is vague i do apologize I didn't know what to put there. I will try to get to the point though there will be several issues/questions.

My wife was previously married and he was physical with her. My stepchildren do not even recognize him as their father. We have been married for 10yrs. I just returned from a short deployment to Afghanistan. I wouldn't say I have changed much, kinda quite at times lot on my mind. Not the person I wanted to return as though "loving and nicer" I am not physical at all but argue over the pettiest crap.

She can text guy friends and have them over and say they're my friend too even though i just met them. IF i were to text a woman it'd be in the Mayan Calendar!! I'm 32 and she's 48, says she trusts me but not women. I could say the same thing.
We argue over the kids or money; she lets her 16yr old son practically do anything and our 14yr old daughter clings to me when shes not being a thorn in everyones side.

If i goto the gym and then come home and watch movies on the computer I will hear about it later. If i fall asleep on the couch cause i just too meds or not I'll hear about it in the morning. I have never been a very enthusiastic or touchy person in my life and she always tries to change me but says she'll stop when i tell her i have never been like this so why try to change me now.
24-12-12, 09:57 AM
smackie9

No biggy you both grew apart and it happenes. If it's not a good marriage then get a divorce instead of wasting your lives in misery.
31-12-12, 07:00 PM
jolene austin

There is a big age gap between the two of you. I am not saying that is why you guys have grown apart but that could be one side to it. You were away for some time and things are different when you got back. It’s your responsibility to “fit in”. You seem to have a lot of ill-feelings against your wife…they may be reasonable feelings but have to shared those with her? I mean, you’ve been together for a decade so don’t you want to at least try to work things out? Communication is the key here. Get your wife to sit down and “talk” to her about what you feel. I’m sure she will understand. If she doesn’t then you can think of other options. But don’t give up dude. Talk about getting counseling…it does help!
31-12-12, 07:32 PM
HeartIsAching

Quote:

Originally Posted by bocaccio [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Title is vague i do apologize I didn't know what to put there. I will try to get to the point though there will be several issues/questions.

My wife was previously married and he was physical with her. My stepchildren do not even recognize him as their father. We have been married for 10yrs. I just returned from a short deployment to Afghanistan. I wouldn't say I have changed much, kinda quite at times lot on my mind. Not the person I wanted to return as though "loving and nicer" I am not physical at all but argue over the pettiest crap.

Get some help for your PTSD. Most returning vets have it, most don't get treated for it. My son hasn't yet, and it's ****ing with his life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bocaccio [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She can text guy friends and have them over and say they're my friend too even though i just met them. IF i were to text a woman it'd be in the Mayan Calendar!! I'm 32 and she's 48, says she trusts me but not women. I could say the same thing.

That's a cop-out. If she truly trusted you, she'd not worry about other women, she'd just trust you to take care of it politely should the need arise. You're not some puppet being controlled by those other women, you're a human being in control of yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bocaccio [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

We argue over the kids or money; she lets her 16yr old son practically do anything and our 14yr old daughter clings to me when shes not being a thorn in everyones side.

Whether or not their father is in their lives, unless you've adopted them they're not your kids. It sucks, but how they're reared is ultimately not your decision.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bocaccio [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If i goto the gym and then come home and watch movies on the computer I will hear about it later. If i fall asleep on the couch cause i just too meds or not I'll hear about it in the morning. I have never been a very enthusiastic or touchy person in my life and she always tries to change me but says she'll stop when i tell her i have never been like this so why try to change me now.

Mostly controlling behavior. She nags at you if you don't do things exactly the way she likes. She pick your clothes out and tell you what to eat, too? Probably all under the guise of knowing what's better for you, right? Like you're a little kid that can't look out for himself?

Get that therapy... that's a good start, and look into some couples counseling to work on your communications issues.
31-12-12, 07:34 PM
CoolStoryBro

Therapy and counseling, wow.