Meeting up with the Ex

Hi everyone, going to meet up with the ex and need to ask you lot for advice.

First of, we went out for 2 years, lived together for 6 months of them before we (her really) decided to break up. I was truely hart broken and destroyed at the time cos we went through alot!

Well is been 8 months and ive been going out with my currently gf for 6 months. I do still think of the ex and we do drop each other an odd email or send each other a joke via a text message. i usually send one in responce though, i very consous not to be instigating the contact. For a while ive been having mixed feelings for her, either really missing her or happy im moving on but recently after reading the sticky(top marks), I realy not feel that much for her at all.

To the main point, she has been letting me know via a text that she has stuff of mine, nothing i consider important but we arranged to meet up. this will be the first time since the break up. Im looking forward to it but not sure what to expect or what to talk about? the ....old days or now a days?neither feels appropriate as i know shes dating as well.

Also in the back of my head im dieing to prove im better off without!

PS: I havent told my girlfriend as it she has a thing about being compared to there as hes has not been in a long time realtionship and i have. Oh im 22 if it matters.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by toto

Hi everyone, going to meet up with the ex and need to ask you lot for advice.

First of, we went out for 2 years, lived together for 6 months of them before we (her really) decided to break up. I was truely hart broken and destroyed at the time cos we went through alot!

Well is been 8 months and ive been going out with my currently gf for 6 months. I do still think of the ex and we do drop each other an odd email or send each other a joke via a text message. i usually send one in responce though, i very consous not to be instigating the contact. For a while ive been having mixed feelings for her, either really missing her or happy im moving on but recently after reading the sticky(top marks), I realy not feel that much for her at all.

To the main point, she has been letting me know via a text that she has stuff of mine, nothing i consider important but we arranged to meet up. this will be the first time since the break up. Im looking forward to it but not sure what to expect or what to talk about? the ....old days or now a days?neither feels appropriate as i know shes dating as well.

Also in the back of my head im dieing to prove im better off without!

PS: I havent told my girlfriend as it she has a thing about being compared to there as hes has not been in a long time realtionship and i have. Oh im 22 if it matters.

---

HEY....HERE IT GOES...
HMMM......SO YOU REALLY LOVE YOUR EX.....THEN YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE YOUR FIRST TALK WITH YOUR EX SINCE THE DAY YOU BROKE UP....ASK HER IF SHE STILL LOVE YOU....THEN, GO BACK TO HER...YOU CAN'T HELP YOURSELF LOVING ANOTHER ONE.....BECAUSE I KNOW YOU STILL LOVE YOUR EX....

Thats the strange thing, since reading the sticky and talking to a friend, i have just stoped having those feelings for her. Last night i when through my photos of her and us on the computer and supperised myself, i just didn't see her that way anymore. But then i thought of her with someone else and i got...something. but thats more jellously.

Oh and last night she called me, we never call each other (probably to direct) but she called twice at 3am, after the night clubs shut, but when i answered she was gone....it only rang three times? Whats that all about??? It could be by accident due to the location of my name on the alphabet.

But what do we talk about when we meet. I dont want a relationship but i want a frendship. what have other people done in this situation?

Hey you. Our situations sound similar. Me and my ex were together for 2 years when he decided itwas all too serious. Anyway It has been 6 months since then and although I miss him sometimes the thought of being with him doesnt appeal as much anymore.
The fact that she called you or pranked or whatever shows she was thinking of you and aimed to grab you attention in someway. She said she wanted to meet up with you to give you back some stuff. well the same happened to me. We kissed then it all went wrong as it just wasnt the way it was. Plus we didnt know whether to talk of the past or the present because either way it kind of upset me and brought it all back.
Although I still have feelings for my ex I would never meet up with him now. What we both feel and want isnt the same and too much has happened. Really think about whether seeing her is the best thing. It usually brings the past all back up!

thanks stardust, that helps but i feel i have to see her and i suppose i want to.

We both are going with other people now for the same duration, so it does seem like a rebound. I really cant see anything sparking off and im going to tell my gf about the meeting, after getting advice from girls at work.

But like you said i dont know whether to talk about the past, probably will, cos i dont really want to talk about her new boyfriend. I really do think im over her, strange though. I just cant picture myself with her anymore, but i can get caught up in memories.

yeh thats the same with me. I dont feel we could work anymore but I find myself thinking about the old times all too much. Well if you really wana see her then go for it, but talk too much of the past and u might argue! so dont get too deep about things! I just remember how awful it went for me!! All the best. Maybe its something youve gotta do. Youl never know what happens unless you try, even if it turns out to be a disaster at least yo ucan say you have tried i suppose. good luck, let us know how it goes, id like to know x

Thanks stardust.

Like you said, it IS something i have to do. Ideally we can just talk about jobs and family. But i know the other partners will pop up.

Im in a good mood to day so it doesnt seem so much to stress about but I still like her and i still feel i know her, the real her i mean, so i can see through any bull shit attitude she might have on the day....the same goes for me i think.

I dont see this as closure, more as estabilishing a relationship depending on how we get on when we meet up. This seems a bit sad when i think about it, but im trying to get in shape before i see her. Not that im out of shape but I want her to see me at my best. Anyway i see her in late next week so up date you then.

yep let us know what happens! all the best! x

Is everyone forgetting this dude has a GIRLFRIEND already? And hes not telling his gf about meeting his ex??
Youre going to end up cheating on your girlfriend cause believe me.. when you see your ex feelings will come back. The best thing you can do (if you really love your current girl) is cut all ties with this chick. She might care for you, and you might care for her, but there is a reason you didnt work out in the first place.
Oh and if you do go..take your girlfriend with you.

dude go with ur current gf when u go to pick ur stuff up

Hussain

Ok i see your point but our relationship wasnt like that, so i cant see us cheeting on our partners when we meet. In fact im expecting her to be a bit quiet.

One of the reasons i dont see us getting to gether is because i dont fancy her anymore. I dont want to sound shallow but I realised when i dated her that she wasnt that good looking but i decided to stay with it and over time i guess i fell in love with her and everything else went out the window. NOw that the relationship is over and i have had time to get over her i see her differently and now shes not my type. If i wanted to sound shallow id say i could do better.

Anyway as i have finished university and no longer need to live here it is the end of a chapter of my life and she was there for half of that. I have feelings for her because she shared that time of my life and uni years are a time when you experience so much that shape your future. When we meet up its not about us two getting back together for me its more about ending it on good terms and tidy things up so i dont looking back and saying what a mess that turned out to be.

I suppose i want it to go well and for us two to get on for that reason, and maby to let her know ive moved on and im doing well. This is why i dont want to invite my girlfirend. She wasnt part of that period of my life, she is part of my future.