BETRAYED - with a dominatrix

Hello

I hope that someone can help me. I am absolutely devastated.

I have just found out that, not only has my husband been having expensive sessions with a local dominatrix, but that there are videos of him being humiliated free to view on her website.

We've been together for almost 20 years but now I feel I don't know him at all. I look at him and see a stranger. He has become cold and distant but often I catch glimpses of him staring into space smiling to himself - obviously reliving their time together. I'm so numb and just don't know what to do.

Please help. I don't know what to do.
Anyone?

It appears that he finds some things in your marriage that is missing and can't obtain from his marriage. It happens. There are things in a marriage that your partner doesn't or can't provide and as a result, begins to look elsewhere for that spark. It all depends on what you want from him. If you been with him for 20 years, you should try to talk to him. Tell him how you feel about him right now. See if he understands. Everyone has needs in a relationship or in a marriage. Even if it means stepping outside of that relationship to get it. If he still loves you, he will listen what you have to say and depends on how it turns out, you go from there. I would say just focus on your own happiness for now. Don't allow yourself to become miserable in your marriage. If it's something you can't take anymore, I would say just move on and leave him. There's really no point of being with him if you say that he's becoming more and more distant. Talking to him about it is definitely your next step. Just see how it goes from there.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply.

I know that I have to talk to him about this but have no idea how the broach the subject.

Any ideas?

Thread closed, main discussion can be found here:

http://www.loveforum.net/threads/76662-Betrayed-with-a-dominatrix?highlight=