In love with my friend's exgirfriend
Hello, guys. Let me share some love issues with you. I am not sure whether there is suitable advice for my situation but I think I would feel better talking about it. I am ashamed of what I feel but things are what they are so I have to deal with the situation.
So, I am a 26-year-old man. I have a friend, let's call him John, who had a relationship with a girl Victoria. They were together for five years, they lived together and things were even close to wedding. But Victoria left him. Now let me tell you a few words about my relations with Victoria. At the moment John introduced us years ago, Victoria and I fit very well emotionally, intellectually, as interests and sense of humor. I considered her as a fine and beautiful girl, I liked her somehow but of course I never allowed myself to look at her as a sexual and emotional subject. I was meeting her mostly at the gatherings of our social group at John presence, she was just a friend of mine and it was how it had to be.
But Victoria left John a month ago. And I think her decision is final. I met Vicky a few times for a coffee and beer after that, just because she was a fine person and I did not want to loose her as a friend. Or that's at least what I was telling myself, I guess I knew what I wanted subconscious. And the problem is that I just can't stop thinking about Vicky from that moment. Of course I hadn't told her anything. If someone else had asked me such a question, I would have said something like "There are many girls and few friends", "You have only one name, keep it clean" and so on. I have always been very supportive for things as friendship, men loyalty, honor code and so on. I think a can not forgive a friend who hurts me for a girl. But now I am asking myself - she left him for good, why can't I be happy? Why should I always put others' feelings before mine? Talking to him and explaining him the situation wouldn't work. They broke just a month ago, he still loves her very much and he was ruined. So he wouldn't accept it and wouldn't forgive me. Moreover, I am worried that Vicky is confused and hurt. Even if she responds on my feelings, it may be some kind of moral liability, there is a risk that she has an affair with me just as a kind of revenge to him, consciously or not. And I do not want to be a revenge weapon.
So let us see the options:
Option 1: I decide to be moral, I brake any contact and friendly relations with Vicky and time cures everything.
Option 2: I am acting as a total jerk, trying to pick up the girl and loosing my friend and my reputation
Option 3: Something between. I can wait for 6-12 months and after that if she has no other man or they are not back together, I can go ahead. The main advantage of this option is that she will probably have overcome the brake up and the emotional stress so if she decides to be with me, it will be because of me. I wouldn't look such a jerk to other people and probably, just probably there is a slight chance that John overcomes her and understands me.
