I'm not sure how my Part Time Girlfriend feels for me
This might sound complicated. As i said, i'm not sure how she feels for me. Please read the following, thanks:)
Me and this girl are Asian first of all (i think is important to mention this due to different in culture). However, me and this girl has been good friends for more than 6 years till someday I was just joking and ask her to be my part time girlfriend. She has a boyfriend since I know her at the beginning. Well, nothing much is different though we are now so called part time girl/boyfriend just some..jokes between us.
I have some good feelings towards her all this while but I just put it aside since she having a good boyfriend. I've been pretending I have no feelings towards her till I've forgotten that I actually have something to her. I know her boyfriend is not as romantic as she wants him to be but she just accepted the fact that he is like that. Good thing is that her boyfriend surprised her on her birthday. However, something happened few months back and she feels she couldn't be with her boyfriend anymore because she feels very sorry since she's been thinking that she cheated on the boyfriend. By knowing the fact, the boyfriend is not letting her go and she also told her boyfriend that she can't love her like previously anymore. The boyfriend said is okay even she doesn't love her. But he will continue love her and take care of her as long as she's not leaving.
She told me that she feels guilty and awkward whenever she's with him. She told him that she needed some time to be alone (some cool down period of time) but the boyfriend just not gonna let that happen thinking that she will just not come back afterwards.
Since she's working in neighbor's country, so we will usually meet when she's back. We (both of us together with some other friends) went clubs recently and just drink and dancing. Well, its normal that people put their hands around each other shoulders or waist when dancing. However, I realized she grabbed my hand and put on her stomach when we were on the dance floor. I know she wasn't drunk at all so I thought of maybe she just get a little high so i'm fine with that.
Then when we are leaving (in my car) to have some supper with others, she said she needs to lay on my shoulder to rest and I'm fine with that though there is another girl friend in car but she's totally drunk. I then put my hand on her leg and she was holding me tight while putting her head on my shoulder. Nothing much here and we've met this group of friends for supper and I'm sending one of our friend home and sending her back last.
I asked her to sleep during the journey and she said okay. Few seconds later, me taking the courage to ask her to lay on my shoulder to sleep again and she didn't say anything but just put her head on my shoulder like how she did just now. Again, I put my hand on her leg like just now, but few seconds later, I hold her hand and she hold mine too, later on, I hold her like..hmm..fingers crossing and she also do the same to me and sort of hold/hug my hand tighter with her head on my shoulder. Then the feelings I've hidden from her started to..hmm..come out again from wherever I've hide it. I almost wanted to kiss on her cheek when she's home but I can't observe that she's waiting for that because we usually hug each other when meeting or going off (something normal) so i dropped the idea (ya, I was chicken out).
I text her the following when I was half way going back to my home:
me: I'm glad that you had sweet sleep on my shoulder just now. good night and sweet dreams. (PS: I almost wanted to kiss you when you're going out from the car..haha)
the girl: You really were that drunk? Drunk enough to have the urge to kiss somebody? (She's been asking me the whole night am I drunk and i've been telling her not, i'm so super sober)
me: hmm..Not sure good or bad but it seems luckily that I didnt do so? haha..(faking smile i do)
the girl: yea, you better don't unless you wnat a tight slap on your face. I'm just kidding, we are bff (i suppose it stands for best friend forever), don't complicate things.
So now I'm confused is she likes/loves me or just some good feeling or just...feel nothing much or special to me. Just me being thinking too much about what I mentioned above.
[We were on the phone few hours back and she did somehow asked me to go countdown with her since we're just in neighboring country. I know her boyfriend will be there so I said I don't want to be in the middle of you and your boyfriend in such moment. Then she said I am not going to disturb them because another of my friend wanting to join them for count down and she said now we have 2 pairs, so is good. But i just said is fine, I will stay where am i. I was thinking to give her a surprised so i contacted my friend but that friend have some other plan already. So now I'm thinking should I still be going pretending I bump into the girl and her boyfriend ( ya,it sounds stupid, bump into them then so what? people are couple, and I'll just be alone there right?)]
And as i said, now I'm confused is she likes/loves me or just some good feeling or just...feel nothing much or special to me. Just me being thinking too much about what I mentioned above. And should I pretend to be bump into them in the place they are going to do the New Year countdown. Really need to hear from you girls out there. Or whoever out there. Thanks:)
