What should we do about my partner's father?
Sorry in advance for how long this is
This is about me and my partner's relationship with his dad and stepmum. We have been together almost 4 yrs and have a very happy relationship. My partner has never fully got on with his dad because he can be a bit of a bully, he drinks a lot and can be overbearing. We put up with him for years because of my partner's little brothers who we like to visit but it all came to a head on xmas day. His dad and stepmum's attitude was appuling. They were rude, sarcastic and quite frankly, made it obvious they didn't want us there, especially her. We left early (before dinner) as it was too awkward and we didn't want any fights starting.
His dad called him the next day and demanded an explanation. My partner said that was fair enough and told him why we left that day but also how his dad made him feel over the years (even his 17 yr old brother is suicidal with his dad's attitude) and with how little freedom he was given and how overbearing his dad could be and that he needs to realise that we don't want a family of our own (his dad was forever hounding us to get married and have kids, just because he is very family orientated. Me and my partner never want kids or marriage). At first his dad agreed, yeah he has his moments but then he suddenly flipped and started blaming me for everything. I got the blame because I don't get on with my own mother, but I haven't for years and I have no problem with that but he thinks I don't like the fact my partner has a 'family' and I 'don't' according to his dad. I have my grandparents who I love more than everything and are all the family I need. So that is absolute rubbish!
During the call he brought up how my partner can't judge what his dad has been like with him until he is a dad himself. My partner flipped after constantly saying to his dad you've got me all wrong, I don't want a family and told him that we had to have an abortion this year after my Cilest pill failed (I could have flipped when I heard my partner mention it because I knew exactly how his dad would take it). His dad then snapped again and called me a slut, whore, murderer, you know all those things that those against abortion would call a woman and saying I probably cheated on him and he wasn't the dad. To me, that was enough. There was no need for that. He also moaned at how he was the last to know. He was the last to know because we knew this is how he would react because he believes family is everything.
So he sent my partner an email last night saying he wanted him to explain his feelings more and to do so in an email so my partner spent 4 hours last night practically writing an essay explaining every point his dad brought up in the call and trying to make it as calm and understandable as possible.
He got a reply today saying "I want nothing more to do with yous. You are no son of mine if you abort a life. I don't care if she was on the pill. Family comes first. You said you want nothing to do with us anyway so I hope you are happy. Don't reply"
Not once did my partner say he wanted to cut ties, especially not because he would miss his brothers. He only explained why we left at xmas and why he had been feeling the way he has been with his dad for years.
His dad has taken things the wrong way and we've tried twice now to explain that we don't hate them or want to ditch them, but he wont listen. He's too headstrong.
We don't know whether to just leave it because we've tried to explain and reason or to keep trying. I'll never forgive him for what he said about me and the abortion. I get some people are against abortion, I understand totally but to call someone who is almost family a murderer and a cheat and then ditch your son because of it, that's terrible. My family weren't happy with it but they agreed that they knew I'm not the kind to want kids and I was on the pill and I took it religiously so how it mucked up is beyond me and it was the shock of my life but they stood by me and never once judged. They were only upset I didn't tell them instantly (told them a few weeks after). Its not something I'm proud of but it was the best thing for me and my partner, regardless of what his dad believes.
Should we just ignore him from now on?