Hi everyone, this is my first post on here, hope someone can help. I'm having some relationship difficulties at the moment which I think might (or might not) be terminal - the whole thing is pretty much going down the pan - and its got to the point where I would leave in a heartbeat were it not for our two wonderful children.
I will try to be honest. I frequently respond to what I perceive to be poor treatment from my wife (which are largely matters of disrespect, contempt for my feelings or not putting as much effort into our shared domestic workload) with anger and silence. I also feel a need to be apologised to (which never happens) - and this seems to escalate things. The trouble for me is that when I find myself in that frame of mind (in response to whatever triggering incident), I withdraw for sometimes considerable periods of time. My wife thinks I do this to punish her and that I'm passive aggressive but I'm not sure I am (she bought me a book about it - it really pissed me off!!!).
My feeling is that passive aggression is pre-meditated behaviour to achieve some sort of goal whereas my frame of mind in that situation is more akin with feelings of anger, hopelessness, frustration and despair. I'm no psychologist, but is it possible that becoming withdrawn as a result of being hurt by the actions (or inactions) of someone is not being passive aggressive but is in fact a protective response to guard against a more immediate (and potentially relationship ending) verbal response? In a nutshell, is tongue-biting passive aggression?
Am I passive aggressive?