she took my heart, rang it out like a sponge, threw in on the bbq, & made a sandwich

-She says she�s going to Reno for work leaving me at home to house sit for her.
-She goes to Tahoe for the weekend with another man and has sex with him, leaving me worried as her phone is off
-Lies to my face over 50+ times over the course of the next 2.5 months. Breaks up with me over 5 times, verbally abusive every time I bring up her In Reno
-She breaks up with me 2 days before Christmas and ruins the holidays for me. Breaks a commitment with me and my family on Christmas Eve. and has the nerve to ignore me on Christmas eve and christmas.
-Take her away to Half Moon Bay. Pay for everything and fulfill her needs and fantasies. She makes promises, that she would never hurt me, has my back and will do everything she can to make this relationship work. Fills my heart back up and we reconnect.
-New Years Day she comes clean and tells me she cheated on me, never went to Reno, never saw Kate, that it was premeditated, that her phone was working, and also that she had sex with him throughout our three year relationship(beg+end), went to Tahoe with him previously, and many dates
-i am ****ing crushed, devastated and never thought she would chose to hurt me.

-Pulls me back in, with cookies, sex, bathes me, begs for forgiveness, huge amounts of affection, promises and tells me that we are going to take a 30 day break monday and both of us evaluate the relationship after the fact. Tells me how much she loves me, how she never meant to hurt me and that she would never hurt me intentionally. Just as I am starting to trust and forgive her.
I ask her the simple question: "do you now realize the effect emotional walls have on a relationship?"

She blows a rod, gets super defensive and we start arguing. I can't stand it so I leave.

A couple hours pass, and she texts some things, and I basically said, "look give me a break, you just told me you cheated on me, and that you are doing a 90 day no contact break."

I send some texts about her planning something for the weekend for us as she hasnt planned anything in 17 months.
and I am still a little angry about everything and vulnerable.
We go back and forth a little bit nothing extreme.
I ask if she is home, if I could swing by to grab something.
She doesn't respond for a good 2 hours.
I call her no response.
Call again, no response.
She leaves me with "well guess what?"
and she literally disappears.
This brought up old feelings because last time she disappeared she was in tahoe ****ing some guy 2 months ago.
4 hours of no response and 6 texts from me, I send "if you are with another man do not respond."
No response, as I am awake all night literally sick to my stomach, thinking the worse. She knows I hate being ignored.
Text her again at midnight, no response
Dont here from her so I drive by her house. She locked her self in there all blinds shut, with her friend.
ring the door bell once
doesnt answer
so I leave and send a mountain of texts and post a website stating the facts, displacing huge amounts of hurt through words.
im just trying to communicate with her.
she has cut all communication.
she is gone all weekend.
she puts up this massive wall and completely ignores me, and makes me feel like a complete waste of her time.
I feel so worthless and dont understand how you can spend 3+ years with someone and than chose to hurt me.
When I started asking her on friday if she was with this man, she made a conscious decesion to not respond, knowing that it would hurt me...Right?
I know if I loved someone and just hurt them that bad, the last thing I would want them to think is the worse.

finally I hear from her 4 days later after she basically tells me, "ill cut you some slack, I was with friends all weekend. stop making stuff up you crazy." and also she is filing a restraining order which would get me 6 months in jail, as this is now number 3.
i have never been a violent person, or have hit or harmed anyone. I have never raised my voice to her in 3 years.
she goes and stays at friends house, telling all of her friends and family that i am this crazy, violent asshole.

Tonight, I extend a nice email and text, making amends for trying to communicate with her, and saying some mean words.
she completely ignores me.
I ask what papers she filed for the restraining order as it has my family and I worried sick. My 70 year old mom is literally having a breakdown
she ignores me

i feel like a bad person, for how shity she treated me. and to end it like this.

any feedback would help, even if it's positive.
and if i am wrong somehere in this please tell me so that i can be aware and try and better the situation.

thank you world.

forgot one thing. i emailed her and texted her many times asking are you with another man, because last time she dissapeared like this she was in tahoe banging another dude and it brought back all those old feelings. she finally told me no, 4 days later of me thing she was.

So what do u want us too say?
CAUSE its u that keep running after her.

All u did was putting a long list of bad stuff about her so why do u even
write about her?
If she is ll of that why keep giving it attention.

Its over move on.
She is not about too change u already saw that.
So what do u want ?

Move on or keep getting hurt.

Ask yourself this question --what is in her personality and character that is even lovable? There is really nothing lovable about a cheater, liar and drama queen. I know people like that can be addictive as you keep hoping for the charming, loving person you fell in love with to return...but that person won't return because that was the grand illusion she (and people like her) presented in order to rope you in. Her true colours are this nasty, lying piece of work. This is who she REALLY is...she is not all sweetness and light, she is a very selfish, nasty, troubled person. This is what you need to work on accepting so that you will not give her any more chances. Stay away from her and if she ever contacts you again (sadly people like her often come back to stir up trouble and grief because that is how they get their kicks and they need a fan club in order to feel good about themselves) don't respond. She is nothing but trouble for you.
I know you must feel VERY angry at her right now, I can understand you sending the texts and being on her back. But you can't let that persist. The restraining order she's filing would **** me off a huge amount too. She will thrive off your grief. Don't give her the satisfaction and go NC. Don't ask me why there are people like her. My ex was the same, I could tell he relished breaking my heart over and over. I suppose it makes them feel good that they were SO important to you.

you seem like a nice man, you will be just fine ; )

restraining order aganst u? im shore u r not telling all the truth.
cause restraining order is not something someone get against u cause u r all that good.

sounds like u have been doing some very bad stuff or she feels like u r the kind of person that stalks or harm her cause of the break up.

because i try communicating with her

It's your fault - your fault that you kept going back to this woman every time she maltreated you. Your fault because all she had to do was pretend a bit of emotional anguish and you'd go right back to buying her gifts and vacations. Your fault for resorting to intimidation and power tactics with text and email... And for whatever it is you're not telling us.

She's a bitch - that's pretty certain, but you need to take responsibility for your own actions.