How do you feel about female friends interfering?

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09-01-13, 06:55 PM
Journey2Virtue

How do you feel about female friends interfering?

Simply put, my question is should I say something or not.

I'm friends with a married couple who tend to argue & fight alot. (Never physically). They get into it anywhere in front of anyone. Its embarrassing at times. I consider both my friends, but I'm much closer to the wife. Recently they got into it big time (over something I think is insignificant, but it was one of those straw that breaks the camel's back things) And the wife just up & left with their daughter to stay with family for a while. She's never done that before. I think he should call her......but he hasnt & its been a few days. Also, I've only heard her side of the story, she may need someone to hold a mirror up to her face too. Obviously they are too emotional to get thru to each other at the moment. The thing is I dont know whether or not I should say anything to him or just shut up and mind my business. How do guys perceive their gf/wife's friends getting involved? I'm not the type to choose sides and get mad at one for the other's sake. Even if I believe one person is wrong, I can tell them that without torpedoing our friendship. I listen to both sides & dont get judgemental. I dont want to get involved & make things worse instead of better by offending him. But the on-looker sees more of the game; I also dont want to stay silent & watch things get worse because I didnt point out what one or the other clearly isnt seeing.

As I said, I'm closer to the wife. How would you guys take it if your wife/gf's friend, who you are cool with too, approaches you about a personal matter? Would you prefer she just stay out of it?
09-01-13, 09:18 PM
TeensCosmo

NEVER GET INVOLVED IN ANYONE ELSE'S RELATIONSHIP. Especially in a marriage!
If anything happens when you're in it, you will be blamed. Really, do you want to take the burden of ruining someone else's marriage? I don't.
09-01-13, 09:26 PM
Journey2Virtue

Quote:

Originally Posted by TeensCosmo [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

NEVER GET INVOLVED IN ANYONE ELSE'S RELATIONSHIP. Especially a marriage...

So, only say something if they ASK for an outside opinion? Or not even then, & say nothing no matter what?
09-01-13, 09:30 PM
vashti

I think if asked, you should offer your opinion, but only if you can give advice that will lead to reconciliation. If their marriage is going to fall apart, you should have absolutely no role in it.
09-01-13, 09:54 PM
Fruitss

Quote:

Originally Posted by TeensCosmo [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

NEVER GET INVOLVED IN ANYONE ELSE'S RELATIONSHIP. Especially in a marriage!
If anything happens when you're in it, you will be blamed. Really, do you want to take the burden of ruining someone else's marriage? I don't.

Im so agree with this comment.
Cause people often act like that but at the end they get back and blame u.
If they need help let them get it from professionals or somewhere else

Even thou i think if i see something that is very serious i will say at least
my opinion. But dont make it your job or problem.
09-01-13, 10:03 PM
Journey2Virtue

Quote:

If their marriage is going to fall apart, you should have absolutely no role in it.

I cant tell if their marriage is falling apart or not. To me they get upset over nonsense but are still very in love with each Other & want to be together. This recent fight is because they had an agreement on taking turns doing a menial household chore & for a few days straight the wife was the only one doing it. It lead to an argument. The individual catalysts of the arguments are usually trifling, but I think its the principle of the situations that upset one or the other. Another time we all went to a diner, the wife and I went and got a table while he went to look for parking. He took forever so we ordered and his wife ordered what he usually gets or would want. He finally came in pissed off cuz he couldnt parking & was in a bad mood. Recently they baptized their daughter and ran short on time getting the reception together, everything came together in the end. But he got so worked up stressing over getting it ready in time and getting everyone a ride home that they argued again in front of everybody.

I always think they get mad over nothing. But they usually fall into a good mood and easy-banter within minutes after a heated exchange. But again, I'm an outsider and I usually dont get upset over things other ppl do. maybe someone should tell them they are being ridiculous, just dont kno how it would be received or if that someone should be me. i feel like they just have family members who just take sides instead of someone who can be rational & objective without the emotion. Thats what I want from my friends when I confide in them
09-01-13, 10:28 PM
Scarlet_P

Let me guess. Here's a quick radio play of possible life at their house:

Wife: "Darling, let's split the task of washing and drying up. I cook, you dry up; you cook, I dry and wash up. Is that OK?"
Hubby: "Sounds fair to me. What are you cooking?"
Wife: "Scrambled eggs, a caserole, and caramel tart"
Hubby: "WHHHHATTT!? That'll take all night to clean! I was going to make a pizza, which involves a tray, 3 plates and a pizza cutter!!! Why don't I cook, and then do my own washing and drying, and you the same? That way, we reap what we sow."
Wife: "Your food will taste like you're trying to save on washing up. Is that fair?"

Wife: "Darling, let's have Lilly baptised. Mum would like that."
Hubby: "OK, what do we need to do?"
Wife: "Oh, just organise the venue, and get people to come at a certain time, smart clothes. And then a some drinks afterwards. Oh, and pressies for Lilly".
Hubby: "Sounds fine. What would you like me to do?"
Wife: "If you get the people together, I'll do the rest."
Hubby: "Great. Where do have in mind?"
Wife: "Actually, I've already got St Martin's church booked, and the Crown for drinks. Oh, it's tomorrow, by the way".
Hubby: "Whhhhhhaattt?? It's 11pm and I have to start work at 6am tomorrow in Frankfurt. I'm not even going to be there."
Wife: "Don't forget, smart clothes. Pressies for Lilly. Thanks, darling".

Wife: "Shall we go to restaurant with our friends?"
Hubby: "Great. Where are we going?"
Wife: "Leicester Sqaure, 7:30 booking"
Hubby: "Whaaaatt? Parking around there is a nightmare, and we'll never make it".
Wife: "That's OK, if you're a little late - just drop me off, I'll hold the table".
Hubby: "OK then."
Next evening...
Wife: "Oh, where's he got to? I'm starving. I know, I'll order for him..."
Some time later...
Wife: "Where have you been? We're famished. I ordered for you though."
Hubby: "Ah, thanks. Hi everyone, sorry I'm late. What am I having?"
Wife: "Pizza. It'll save on washing and drying up..."
09-01-13, 10:56 PM
Wakeup

*bats eyelashes" I'd just tell them to STFU...

OP: IMO .. Unless they ask you for advice, it's not your place to say anything. If their behaviour bothers you then distance yourself and when she or he asks you why you haven't been around then you can tell them that the bickering is a negative issue for you, personally. If it's not, then say nothing. If both of them are so easily riled then maybe they'd get riled at you for offering unsolicited advice/observations??
10-01-13, 05:23 AM
TeensCosmo

Quote:

Originally Posted by Journey2Virtue [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So, only say something if they ASK for an outside opinion? Or not even then, & say nothing no matter what?

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think if asked, you should offer your opinion, but only if you can give advice that will lead to reconciliation. If their marriage is going to fall apart, you should have absolutely no role in it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fruitss [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Im so agree with this comment.
Cause people often act like that but at the end they get back and blame u.
If they need help let them get it from professionals or somewhere else

Even thou i think if i see something that is very serious i will say at least
my opinion. But dont make it your job or problem.

This is why (the bolded part). They might ask for your opinion. To avoid being rude, tell them that you are unable to help them in a nice way, and tell them to go seek a marriage counselor. Don't get involved. Simple.
10-01-13, 09:43 AM
Journey2Virtue

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

...If both of them are so easily riled then maybe they'd get riled at you for offering unsolicited advice/observations??

Thats what I was thinking. I appreciate tactful advice from friends, but obviously I'm not sure if they would be so receptive without getting upset.
10-01-13, 09:48 AM
Journey2Virtue

Will do, thanks for the advice.
Its true, you may come from a good place trying to help, then somehow get blamed. Especially when one or the other or both feel you dont Know the whole story. Which I dont. & when you dont kno all relevant details thats your cue to stay out of it.

Actually, I guess a couple that fight over stupidness is my cue to stay out of it.
Thanks everyone