Ending up a relationship

Hi everyone,

During my last backpacking year in Australia, I met a guy who is 11 years older than me. I was at that time working in a country pub and after getting to know each other, we starting dating in May. It is my first love, too. i have never been in a real relationship.

Let me explain the situation: so he is 31, and I was 20. He is a truck driver and only comes back every second weekend. His house is in the country side, 2 hours away from Perth, the biggest city in Western Australia.
I was working at the pub so it was fine not to see him that much often. I could see people everyday, had my friends and I was having fun at work. I used to get texts from him everyday or calls and i could see him when he was calling past during the week. I could get along when he had friends with him, didn't mind to wait for everyone to leave so that we were only together.

Then, I had to stop working in August (since that is the condition of the visa I had not to work over 6 months for the same employer).
I went on holidays to Darwin with a friend, then came back in town to pick up my car. Turns out that I ended up going on a trip with him in the truck. Then lucky us, he got a week off so we went on holidays together. At our return, he used drugs in front of me when he had friends. I was shocked for a little time.

I was decided then to find a job, anywhere in Australia, so that i could get as much fun as I had before. But then I found out about a place 60kms away from the town where I used to live. So I could still be able to see him. He called past one day, when I was at work and was determined in keeping me in Australia.
However I didn't like the place so I picked up a job in another department and as there wasn't much work, we spent the last weekend of September together (he worked for a month to get 4/5 days off). So basically I spent the month alone at his place, not seeing many friends.
During this weekend, he invited people to watch a game and drink booze. And pretty much left me alone.

Then I went to work an hour away, but turns out that I didn't like the place either. When he was home, I always tried to come and see him, trying to get days off, but I thought we were more distant. One day I didn't want to go to the pub with his friend. i thought we would do something together. He ended up going there and I went to see a friend. When I went back and saw him picking stuff up it was clear that he wanted to be with his friends and I made a scene, I made him understand that in 8 weeks I will be gone, that we should maybe get the most of it now. He got really grumpy about my reaction.
Sometimes I was trying to text him, to see if he wanted me to come over and i usually got really late answers, after his friends were gone and that he was complety stoned.

I went back to work where I was working before in November to spend time with him since he was going to work in town for few weeks. I found out about his past fling and everything went wrong after that. I don't know why, I just wanted to enter his inner thoughts, found out why he went out with a 18 year old girl whereas he was 29. I saw him like a complete different person. Why does he pick up young women? I couldn't like his friends anymore, not at all interesting. I was bored with him. But still I wanted to be with him. I coulnd't be away from him. he even talked about marriage.

I spend my last weeks with him and we ended up in a big argument on my 2nd last night. i got upset because he was drinking far too much, avoiding me and he even hurt me, trying to get rid of a bug on my wrist, spilled a glass on me too. So I got him all wet too and then he got out, walked for I don't know how long, and I was following, begging him to forgive me. He didn't really talked to me after that. But we calmed down the next day. We went out, had fun and then at the airport, he cried too and wrote me an email when I got to London: I had to come back for him, I had to be with him. We talked on skype everyday and it was clear he missed me.

He was having his days off when I was heading back to France. I was feeling miserable, going to live back with my mom for awhile. everything was so different. I was hoping he would call me like every other days but he did not. I called him instead and he was drunk with his friends. Told me he didn't see the time. I told him I thought he wouldn't let me down especially on that day. He just got grumpy and we didn't talk for few days. Then he called me every day when he was at work, away on a trip. And now nothing, not even an email, nothing.

I should mention that one day when we were arguing, he told me that he would have to give up on me if I didn't stop being a drama queen because his friends are important. And when I left the country, he got his mum and grandma on a case to see how I could stay in the country. He didn't do nothing to make me stay but he wants us to stay together like he hopes I will be back soon.

Sometimes I feel fine with him not calling me or not giving me any news but other days I would feel miserable. He said he thinks a lot about me. When I try to call or send texts when he s at home, he says he is busy with his friends. I know that this cannot go on forever, that I ll have to let him move on. But it looks impossible to forget now. He spoilt me and now he stopped. I am always hoping to see him on skype or having a email but this is clearly destroying me, because I know I have to go to university and have my own life, that I cannot live in the middle of nowhere doing a job I don't like. Part of me wants to understand why he is acting with me like that.

Hope you would be able to help me :)

Celine