Help needed interpreting mixed signals
Okay, this is going to be fairly long, and feels funny for me to be writing. Typically I'm giving advice, not asking for it! At the end, I'll summarize this, for those of you that want the "sparknotes" version :) I'm sorry for the length, but I feel it's better to have all the information out, in one place, than to have other posts asking for details, then having to read through all that.
How we met:
In September, I met a guy at a bar when I was out with some friends (I have a new group of friends, the guy's in the same friend-circle). He seemed pretty cool, but I had my hesitations because he's a rapper. I know it's just a stereotype, but at first I kept him at a distance. He added me to facebook after we met, then we chatted on there a little bit before texting since my phone was broke.
Physical aspect:
One day we were texting a little, and later that night after he was done performing at an open mic, he texted me, saying he was in a kissing mood. I kinda thought, "yeah... just kissing...", but figured where I was attracted to him and single, it couldn't really hurt to go over and see him. As soon as I got in through the door, we went up to his room (his roommate was home, in the living room with the light off... kinda had the feeling then, that I was some 'random' chick). His kisses made me weak in the knees though, the whole.... hand on the girl's face, cute like in movies kind of kiss.
As I expected, it did lead elsewhere. However, from experience with ex boyfriends, the rapper was a lot more... "tender", if that makes sense. Very into the kissing. Even when on top, he would have both his arms underneath me, holding me. When I was on top, hands on his chest, he wanted me closer to him still, chest to chest. After we were done, laying there together, he seemed really into cuddling. We chatted a bit, then he ended up falling asleep.
At that point, I was laying there thinking, "Hmm, should I stay, snuggle and sleep.... or should I get dressed and go?" (I've been dating someone seriously for 3 1/2 years of college, so the whole random sex thing isn't "me"). I decided to get dressed and go, because it was close to 4 am, and I had to leave for work at 7:30, figured there was no way I could get up in time.
Another time I went over, this time we ended up on the couch in the living room chatting with drinks for an hour or so before heading upstairs. Once we headed upstairs, it was the same as I explained above with the closeness and whatnot. Also resulted in him falling asleep, me lightly kissing him, getting dressed and leaving.
Then one afternoon, I woke up hungover. Was laying in bed facebooking. Messaged the rapper (and some other friends) to chat. He ended up FINALLY sending me the lyrics to his songs (I'm deaf, find it easier to follow songs if I have lyrics). Then I put his CD on, to listen to it along with the lyrics, telling him that I felt a little less sick. Then I was just thinking that cuddling would make me feel better as well. I said to him, "I feel a bit better, but I know what would make me feel even better". He said, "I bet I know what that is". I replied, "you do?" He said, "yup, me!". Hmm.. Not exactly cuddling, but close enough so I gave him that one :p. He asked me if I wanted to watch a movie, and I said sure.
So, after the football game was done, and he was about to head home, he texted me, so I could meet him at his place. Then, he put a movie on, and we snuggled up on the couch watching the movie. His roommates would come in, saying hi to us both when they did. After the movie, he said he was tired. So again, I was thinking, "hmm, stay or go?". Wasn't thinking that long though, because he asked me to go upstairs with him. Once we got upstairs, he started changing to PJ's, and asked me if I needed anything. I was confused then, said no. Then he got into bed, started getting comfy, and was looking at me. I took off my jeans and tshirt, got in with him. A few good night kisses, and then we spent the night spooning. At one point we were facing each other, when I rolled over, he got closer to spoon, and planted a few kisses along my shoulder. In the morning, was just more snuggles and talking, till we both had to get ready to go.
Other:
I went to an event that the guy was performing at with his friend. One of our mutual guy friends was there after being away for 2 months, traveling to different countries for work. I went to check out the art work, then chatted with some friends that were there. Once I started talking to the mutual friend (that's known to be a player), the rapper came over and interrupted, to give me a hug. I didn't go to the rapper, since he was talking to other people, and I didn't want to interrupt that or seem clingy because I'm not. After he performed, he didn't stick around for too much longer, but we did chat a bit afterwards.
The event was a week-long art thing. Another night mutual friends were going down, and I decided to join. Was chatting with everyone, just chilling. The rapper's close friend/performance partner was talking to me a lot, could tell that he's interested. Then the rapper shows up. We were all talking, hanging out. The guys start talking, so the 2 of us girls went to get another glass of wine. When we came back with wine, instead of talking to everyone as a group, the rapper started talking to me more. When seats became available next to the stage, we went to sit down. Two friends joined us, but he only really talked to me. Even though he was talking to the others as well, most of the time he was looking at me.
When a new band came on, we got caught up with that, dancing around and all. He went closer to the stage to check out the "behind the scenes" stuff, I was dancing. When the band finished, we looked around, just to see that all our other friends left us. They didn't say they were leaving to go elsewhere, or anything like that, just disappeared. Didn't bother us much, we kept chatting till close. Then his friend showed up, he got a ride home with them, while I wanted to talk, so I did.
As he was getting in the car, and I was walking to the sidewalk, I literally "bumped" into the player friend, that was always trying to get me to come home with him, or trying to get me to bring him home with me. He seen me and the rapper hug. Tried chatting with the player friend, then he said he was getting a cab home, and "see ya". He was trying to get with me for a month or so, but after that night (and me spending so much time with the rapper), he backed off, completely. Like, now we hang out and he doesn't try anything anymore. It's changed since that night, especially when everyone ditched the rapper and I. Makes me wonder if people seen some kind of attraction or "something" there, and decided to leave us be.
"Sparknotes" Version:
- I met a rapper at a bar
- He added me on facebook, we started chatting frequently
- Hooked up a few times, each time he seemed increasingly "tender".
- In a crowd, he talked to me more than others.
- Interupted me for a hug, as I was chatting with a guy-friend that he knows is a player (could he have been jealous?).
- Were at an event with a bunch of friends, the rapper and I were caught up with each other, everyone left us there without saying anything, to go to a bar
- ^ seems people seen something between him and I because even the player-friend has stopped making advances on me.
- One day when I was hungover, he asked if I wanted to watch a movie. Spend the evening curled up on the couch cuddling, then he wanted me to sleep over. STRICTLY slept and snuggled, even though we've had sex in the past, and did again a week or so later
Why this is confusing:
The rapper mentioned that he wasn't looking for a girlfriend, that he intends on staying single to focus on putting his energy into bettering his music career and whatnot. Yet, the things he says when we talk in person alone... I feel that there could be something more. The tenderness he shows when we're physically together, that random night of cuddling when he didn't try anything else... I'm confused. Could it be that he's actually interested in me? Or, does he really not want a girlfriend, but want the closeness that comes with it? (Or, could he just be playing me?)
Before really getting to know him, I started helping with some of his music-related stuff. After getting to know him, I'm hopeful that my help thus far will help him realize that I'm willing to help him get to where he wants to be and follow those dreams... that a girlfriend wouldn't necessarily get in the way.
I hesitate on saying anything, because I feel that he really is interested but wants to take things slow, and I'm afraid that it might scare him off. One night when I was a bit too "happy", I texted him, just saying that I felt he was special, and that if he was interested, I'd want to see where things could go between him and I. While he didn't flat out say he was interested, the way he treated me also didn't change.
I'm asking on here because I want a blunt answer. For people to tell me as it is, rather than have friends try to take my side.
Thanks in advance, this was quite the read!
