didnt know where to post this...

so basically if you have followed any of the other posts you will get the jist of where im coming from...basically i brought up a child which was not my own for 4 and a half years, we split up and for a few weeks i was still able to see him and he would come and stay at my house at weekends, she has now cut me out of the child's life completely, as to 'avoid any unnecessary confusment ' i was thinking of writing him a letter so when he is old enough he can read it and know that i wasn't somebody who just walked out of his life without a care, could this backfire on me in anyway? or does any one have a reason as to why i should/shouldn't do it??

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I think since you have been the equivalent of a father to him and have proof you should be able to see him legally.
Talk to citizens advice and find out what your rights are concerning this.

i have lots of proof, i would love nothing more than to be able to see him, even if it was only once a month! i am willing to pay as much maintenance as i need to, losing her one hard enough, but im getting over that, but to lose a child i brought up as my own for almost 5 years is killing me! i speant more time with the child than his mother (not her fault, it was due to work commitments) took him to school everyday and even when i was off work sick for several months, i claimed benefits for us (including the child) surley that is enough proof, if not i have plenty more

While you are waiting to get contact with the chile, open an email account and email him as much or often as you want. Let him know your thoughts, how you feel and how much you care for him. Recap on memories of what you have done and been through together. When he is old enough send him the email address and password. He will know how much you cared and fought to be in his life.

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Originally Posted by lost_lad [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

so basically if you have followed any of the other posts you will get the jist of where im coming from...basically i brought up a child which was not my own for 4 and a half years, we split up and for a few weeks i was still able to see him and he would come and stay at my house at weekends, she has now cut me out of the child's life completely, as to 'avoid any unnecessary confusment ' i was thinking of writing him a letter so when he is old enough he can read it and know that i wasn't somebody who just walked out of his life without a care, could this backfire on me in anyway? or does any one have a reason as to why i should/shouldn't do it??

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It is a bad idea. The child will already be in for a wild up-bringing because of the nature of his mother. The last thing he will need is some guy who he probably won't remember coming out of nowhere in order to find vindication. Your best bet is to focus on yourself and moving forward, because the longer you linger around with these thoughts, the longer this emotional destruction will be.

Have you confirmed if you have any rights as a guardian to him? And another thing to think about, is what kind of damage to the child could this letter do? Yes, you want to write it to help make yourself feel better, but will this have a negative effect on the recipient? Children are easily screwed up, and this one will likely have enough problems.

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Originally Posted by Beenthere [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

While you are waiting to get contact with the chile, open an email account and email him as much or often as you want. Let him know your thoughts, how you feel and how much you care for him. Recap on memories of what you have done and been through together. When he is old enough send him the email address and password. He will know how much you cared and fought to be in his life.

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this is the best idea i have ever heard! thank you so much, i just dont wanna be seen as a pushy person because im not, i have to let them live there lives to there full potential, wether it be good or bad!

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Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It is a bad idea. The child will already be in for a wild up-bringing because of the nature of his mother. The last thing he will need is some guy who he probably won't remember coming out of nowhere in order to find vindication. Your best bet is to focus on yourself and moving forward, because the longer you linger around with these thoughts, the longer this emotional destruction will be.

Have you confirmed if you have any rights as a guardian to him? And another thing to think about, is what kind of damage to the child could this letter do? Yes, you want to write it to help make yourself feel better, but will this have a negative effect on the recipient? Children are easily screwed up, and this one will likely have enough problems.

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i completley understand where your coming from dude and appreciate the advice, but im honestly not doing it for self satisfaction or as any kind of selfish action for that matter...me and the child had a bond that was stronger than i have ever had/ever will have with anything/anyone! and want him to know how much i cared and always will care, you see so many times on advice shows that children are angry for people in the past that, according to their mothers, walked out of their lives with out a care, and in this case it is definatley not the truth, but like i said thankyou for taking the time to reply, i will not be writing the letter but i will definatley be taking beenthere's advise about the emails

Legally you have no rights to the child. You are an ex step parent. The law doesn't seem to take feelings into account. While it's a good idea to write emails, as this will help with your grieving process, as this is what you are going through. I don't believe it is a good idea to forward the emails on in the future. Your situation is a very sad situation, but you have to think of what is best for this child, in the long run. And reappearing in his life at 16 could end up being very harmful to him.

In Canada he would....check with a lawyer and see if you do have any rights. It's worth a shot....every kid in that kind of situation needs to have someone in their life they can depend on for some stability and support even if it's for a few times a month.

Yes you should have to write her a letter if you want. This would be right thing.