I think I have commitment problems?
^ Like I said in the title.
When things all seem in our favor (as in no imminent life changes will pull us apart...rather they'd bring us together, and if we continue hanging out he's going to try to make me his official gf), I can never seem to stick around for more than a couple of days...a couple weeks at best.
I'm not sure if it's because I realize he's not the right guy during our first one or two dates or if I am just afraid of something. When I start "seeing" someone new, two things happen. One, I subconsciously magnify all their faults and weaknesses. I don't do it on purpose and I can't turn it off. The more time I spend with them, I just start noticing all these things that repulse me. Two, I get way ahead of myself in my thoughts (like way too far in the future) and start analyzing him as a potential life partner. And that freaks me out...I start thinking I'm not ready to settle...I can't see him as the father of my children!
I've always told myself I'd rather be single than drag things out with someone I'm not totally into or can't see myself with in the future. I guess I'd only date someone I consider a possible life partner, but then how would I really know if I don't give them enough of a chance, right? I'd like to believe my intuition is flawlessly accurate...maybe its not because I sure can't tell the future. I guess I'm also afraid to get too deep with someone who isn't right...and all the hurt and drama that comes with that for both sides.
Maybe my biggest problem is I'm afraid of...I guess of ending up with the wrong guy and ending up bitter/old/unhappy for life (it's been a running theme in some very close people in my life). I guess I do have a tendency to feel stuck and stay committed once I make my decision (it's been like that for mostly all other aspects of my life). However, I'm quite unhappy running away from every potential guy when I'm still at the "getting to know each other" stage.
Although I've had my heart crush a couple times, I feel awful because I've also hurt a few really sweet, genuine men. Of course to every story there has been at least one or two exceptions...I can name two guys who I have not been turned off by their faults...in fact, I found them to be endearing traits that made them seem more grounded...and cute. Unfortunately with both, things didn't work out.
Sorry if this has been a long read...any advice or opinions on anything I mentioned above??
