Seeking understanding as to why a friend/ex cut me off completely
Hi everyone. I am looking for some advice and understanding to my situation, as my ex-boyfriend/friend/lover (X) of 3 years never gave me any closure. He cut off all contact with me Oct 2012. It really is a long complicated story, so I will try to summarise in date order. To sum - we are both in our late 20's and born/bred in the UK. I thought it would make the story more clearer if I use colour codes: black is about both of us, red is about me, blue is about X. Aug 2012 to Oct 2012 is in bold because its related to my present confused hurtful feelings, so if you don't want to read it all (i.e. our history), just skip the rest and go straight to reading the bold section.
March to Dec 2010 - Met off a dating website, clicked straightaway, lots of chemistry and passion, part-time relationship due to a situation with my family. X's Dad didn't like me. Fell in love nearer to the end of the year. I think I loved him more than he loved me. We mutually ended the relationship at the end of the year, due to knowing that there could never be a future together for us, because of our parents! We both agreed to remain as friends!!
Jan 2011 - X moved on straightaway and started a relationship with a European girl half his age. He bragged how happy he was on Facebook several times, which felt like needles stabbing my heart so I told him this and deleted him off my Facebook.
Feb 2011 - We met up for the 1st time as friends after splitting up. He kept saying how much he has missed me, despite him being in a relationship with this European girl.I asked him if he would come back to me(wrong I know now!!!!). He said no and that he doesn't love me anymore. We had sex which he initiated, he felt guilty afterwards and told me to leave his house for good. Neither of us contacted each other, the short friendship had ended and we both needed to move on from each other.
Mar 2011 to Jul 2011 - I was heart-broken because I felt that X had moved on too quickly, I lost my job as a result of it and so went travelling and tried to move on. I lost lots of weight and changed my hair colour/style (as you do!!). Dated lots of men, had a date every week! Nothing lasted though. During March 2011, the European girl cheated on X with his best-friend and then dumped him (as X describes it, it was Karma! and of course I was oblivious to all this).
Jul 2011 - Out of the blue, we bumped into each other at a shopping centre oneday and then went for drinks and a catch-up. He tells me about what happened with the European girl. Hearing this I felt like Muhahahahaahaa, but then lots of sorrow and began to cry because he got hurt!! He had changed and had low self-esteem We both felt the connection again and agreed to go back to being just friends, and meet up once a month for a catch-up, as we felt that Fate was bringing us back together. I also told him that the issue with my family had been resolved, I had moved out of my parents home and he was very happy for me. I never added him back on Facebook.
Aug 2011 to Nov 2011 - We developed a strong friendship. We txt almost everyday (no dirty talk), met up frequently and had a laugh together often. I grew lots of respect for him as a person and fell in love with him completely!!! Little did I know though that during this time period, he met a girl in Ireland who he began a relationship with!!!! They Skyped every night, txt all the time, met up now and then, lots of sex. He never told me this, I only discovered this today. But I remember him saying to me during these months, "I cant stand skinny girls", "I cant stand snogging girls that smoke". Funnily enough he is currently in a relationship/living with this skinny, smoking Irish girl! The point is, he never told me about her, despite us having a close friendship during this time. So I thought he was single and fell in love.
Dec 2011 - Our meetups started to increase. Our friendship turned to something more. We were holding hands everywhere we went, cuddling, flirting, he gave me that lovey dovey look all the time, he kissed my hand. Around Christmas time we exchanged presents, we ended up having amazing passionate sex 5 times that evening! Afterwards we were both left feeling confused, realised we were no longer acting as friends, I left then and went home. Couple of days later he txt me saying "I like you so much, you're the only person that gets me, but I can't have a long-term relationship with you for my OWN reasons." He never told me what those reasons were and I never asked. I also never told him how much I loved him then, because I didn't think it would make any difference to his decision. I was heart broken as to me it felt like he had lead me on all month, to nothing!!! I also know now that he was cheating on his Irish gf all this time. We mutually agreed to never meetup in person again (so we dont end up sexing!) and just stay in touch via txt/web.
Jan 2012 to Mar 2012 - I now knew that we were never going to have a proper relationship and so I began to move on, went back to dating. We still txt/MSN each other frequently. His relationship with the Irish girl became stronger during this time period, and she quit smoking. But still he never told me about her existence, even when I asked "have you met anyone yet?"
Apr 2012 to Jul 2012 - I moved house and further away from X (50+ miles away). But as its a small world, I ended up bumping into X in person again in July 2012, near to my home town!! (Again he called it fate!). And despite the fact we agreed not to ever meetup in person again, we started to meetup twice a month during this time period! We went clubbing, cinema, meals, drinks. I was still single and X told me he was single. (F*****NG LIAR AND CHEAT, he was still in a relationship with the girl who lived in Ireland, whom he met once a month, but of course I didnt know that during the time). Apr 2012 - We had sex twice, he initiated it. Jun 2012 - We had sex, he initiated it straight after a MSN convo with his Irish gf and I was drunk! Both of us laugh it off and realise we cant keep our hands off each other. X mentions that we both cant seem to move on, and really need to!
Aug 2012 - X finally tells me that he met this girl in Ireland and they have been dating since July 2012 (liar!!!). By this time I had an inkling anyway that he was seeing someone, because he was always distracted and coming on MSN messenger everyday. I was actually happy for him, although deep down inside wished I was his girl! Early Aug 2012 he tells me "I still want you as a friend and want to stay in touch/catch up regularly, as you're important to me", but Late Aug 2012 he tells me "My Irish gf is moving to the UK permanently and is moving in with me. I would like to still be friends with you, but could you come on a night out where she was there???" I said yes that I'd be fine with meeting her, cos Ive moved on now. He then tells me that he hasn't told his gf about me or our past, just that I'm sort of like a colleague, which is a total lie.
Sep 2012 - Irish gf moves in with him. He completely cuts me off - no replies to my txts/msn/calls, nothing!
Oct 2012 - One of X's friends invites me to his birthday party, so I go knowing that X and his gf would be there. At the party, X introduces all of us to his gf. X blanks me throughout the party and treated me like a stranger. But me and his gf hit it off and talk loads. Then she told me the full story about how they have been together for a year! Shocked at this - I pull X to one side and ask him why he has cut me off and the only response he could give was "you live 50 miles away, but ok I'm sorry I will get back in touch with you". I never mentioned to him that I know now that he has been cheating on his gf for ages. I then got crazily drunk and went home.
Halloween 2012 - I get a txt of X saying "Hi, sorry about not txting you sooner, been really busy. I'm not doing anything for halloween because my gf is working, so stuck at home! how are you?" I replied back the next day with a friendly txt.
Then nothing!! No txt/contact from him at all. He didn't even reply to my happy new year txt. But I know his number works as I can see on whatsapp that he is using it, and I know he ain't dead as when I find him on Facebook, his profile picture keeps updating. So that's it! I am really devastated. The man who I had so much respect and love for once, turned out to be the biggest liar, hypocrite and cheat, and cut me off just like that without even a goodbye!!! I haven't stopped hurting since October, because I don't understand why he cut me off like that. Please could someone help me understand my situation. Thank you.
Miss Y
