The craziest true "love" story you'll ever hear..
This is my second time writing.. the first time, I wrote out a long story making me appear like an innocent victim.. but truth is, I'm not. And if I want the cold hard painful truth from you guys, i have to be honest.. not just with you, but with myself..so here it goes.
I am married, and am in love with another married man. Heres the short version:
Joe (as we'll call him) started working at my business last year. He was engaged at the time (now married) with a baby on the now (baby is now about 7 months old). After being friends for about 4 months, we started having an affair. We called it a "friends with benefits" relationship and left it at that.
Joe and I never used protection, and one night, about 5 months ago - I found out I was pregnant. We had planned initially to secretly abort.. but instead, (the night of his wedding actually) I confessed everything to my husband. Everything about the affair, and how I was pregnant with Joe's baby. It took some time, and many hours of talking, but my husband stayed with me and decided to keep the baby. To this day, he says he's OK and "doesn't care".... this will be brought up later.
About 2 weeks ago, Joe confessed something to me.. he told me that he loved me. We had a very long conversation that actually lasted several days. He claims that he loves me, more than his wife. Yet, he won't leave her to be with me. He says he can't hurt people like that, have me divorce my husband and hurt his wife. He thanked me for "not asking him to wisk me away" and basically said that he loves me with all his heart, and nothing will change that, but things have to remain as they are.
I dont know what to do forum.. I know some of you are probably thinking I'm a troll (since I'm new) but the truth is, I need a 3rd party (un-biased) to snap me out of this ****ing fantasy I'm living in. I need you to tell me I'm a moron, and tell me what to do. I know I need to forget him, and move on because he's a dead end..but I've never had any treat me in such a loving manner as him..
My own husband flat out told me he DOESNT CARE I cheated on him. He DOESNT CARE I'm carrying another mans baby.. which leaves me to believe my husband doesn't love me at all.. he doesn't show me any affection (even before the affair) he seems numb to everything around him. And heres another man, unobtainable, that shows me every bit of love I need and want. Aside from the fact Joe is a cheater, he's the perfect man..
I'm torn.. I want to keep both men, I want just Joe, and I don't want either.
I'm afraid to leave my husband.. he's all I know. I've never been without him, not since I was 16. Caring or not, he's my security.
and I'm afraid to lose Joe.. the only person that has EVER made me feel as perfect as he does.
Today, I told Joe I wanted him to tell me he lied to me.. that he doesn't love me, that it was all pretend. He asked me why? So I can push you away? I said yes. He replied "Why? You dont want to love me?" and I said "Exactly.." He looked hurt, and said he couldn't do that, because he couldn't and wouldn't tell me a lie..
Just tell me what to do.. and I'll do it. I hate myself..
