Being romanced v. romancing

Hey look, another post on gender politics! Herewego.

With Valentines coming, I was just thinking about how it always seems like it's supposed to be the man's duty in a heterosexual relationship to make all of the romantic gestures and say all of the sweet things. At least that's how it's portrayed in pop culture basically everywhere you look. You hear so much about cute things guys do for girls, things "every girl wants to hear", girls getting swept away by a guy's romantic prowess and sentimental word usage... Never the other way around.

Obviously, at least to me, these standards are bullshit. I think it's all about mutual effort and I figure most would agree. But I'm always curious if these things do have any grounding in reality. So, gentleman: how would you feel, assuming you're at least kind of the romantic sort, if a girl were to say all of those sweet, possibly cliche things to you? Assuming of course timing was right, it was genuine, blah blah. Or if she went out of her way to do something really romantic? Would you like it, or would there be some kind of notion about her being overly-attached?

Do you think you'd rather chase than be chased, and is that a facet of your masculinity or just personal preference?

I'm a girl, but all the stuff you describe would be such a turn off. Sweet cliched things which "every girl wants to hear"? Blech. But give me a guy who makes me laugh and I'm all his.

FWIW, my guy was happy to be chased. But I used food, fun, sex, laughter. Romance didn't come into it.

I like my GF making an effort to keep me happy. It shows me that she loves me.

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Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm a girl, but all the stuff you describe would be such a turn off. Sweet cliched things which "every girl wants to hear"? Blech. But give me a guy who makes me laugh and I'm all his.

FWIW, my guy was happy to be chased. But I used food, fun, sex, laughter. Romance didn't come into it.

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Haha, I hear you, I was the exact same way for so long. I still am, because I do think fun and laughter will always be WAY more important than cheesy compliments or candle-lit dinners. Actually that and a lot of other romantic gestures still make me cringe... it's all about the underlying friendship anyway. But I started to go out with somebody recently that has a romantic side and I kind of am unexpectedly finding that I like it, and I've been following suit by saying nice things about him whenever they happen to come to mind. So I'm embracing it, even if a small amount of cheesiness finds its way in there sometimes :-P

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Originally Posted by jennifer.c [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Haha, I hear you, I was the exact same way for so long. I still am, because I do think fun and laughter will always be WAY more important than cheesy compliments or candle-lit dinners. Actually that and a lot of other romantic gestures still make me cringe... it's all about the underlying friendship anyway. But I started to go out with somebody recently that has a romantic side and I kind of am unexpectedly finding that I like it, and I've been following suit by saying nice things about him whenever they happen to come to mind. So I'm embracing it, even if a small amount of cheesiness finds its way in there sometimes :-P

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Personally, I would love that (back while still in my dating years)! Avoid the worst cliches, of course, although in a romantic setting I have found that there is a fairly high tolerance for cheesiness :)

As far as masculinity goes, I like to believe that I have enough of it to accept being romanced without taking that as a threat to my manhood.