Moved across the country to be with the love of my life
I visited my high school sweetheart over the holidays and fell in love with her. We were never a couple when we were young, but we both had feelings for each other then, we were just too scared as kids to tell each other how we felt. My folks remarried and we moved very quickly when I was in high school, and I didn't see her again. Until facebook, I found her and we rekindled our friendship. I visited her over Christmas and I fell in love, after not seeing her for 15 years. I told her that if she wanted me to, I would move to be with her. She couldn't ask me to give up everything for her, even though she wanted me to. So, I did anyway. I left everything behind, quit my job, left all my friends and family, and moved across the country and got a crappy apartment just so I could be near her. I have told her the deepest feelings anyone could ever say to someone else. I write her an email everyday loaded with small-talk, deep feelings, jokes, whatever. I asked her if she wanted me to stop sending them and she said no. She will text me a couple times a day, we will see each other every few days. This is the only woman I will ever love. She is the only thing in life that I will ever care about. I know she has feelings for me, she is extremely busy and gives me what time she can. She knows how much I have given up, how much of a risk I am taking, how I feel about her. She says that she doesn't want to feel pressured to be in a relationship though. I think she may be scared, because I am so honest. She will talk to me about anything, just rambles on and on which I love, except she won't talk about her feelings for me. She won't respond to anything deep, won't talk about anything deep, even though she is a deep person, I just get small talk from her. Just about the only thing deep she has told me that I seem to good to be true. It seems like it doesn't matter that I did all of this, that I have told her everything that I have, that I feel the way I do. Its like she would be behaving the same way towards me if I would never have given up everything, never told her how I felt, if we would have just stayed as long-distance pen pals. You would think she would either think I'm insane and shut me out completely or be madly in love with me, not the in between.
I don't get it? I know it is impulsive and a little crazy, to drop everything you have going on, leave behind everthing, and just give your life to someone else. I never thought this would happen to me. I mean, I'm a good guy, a lot of men use women, and I have never been like that. But I still never thought something like this would happen to me. But love is powerful. But isn't this what you women want? I have always heard women complain that they want a nice, caring, honest, sensitive, funny guy that will love them. I just don't understand? If someone told me the things I have told her, I would talk to them about it. If someone gave up everything for me, sacrificed their entire life, I would talk to them about it. She says it her defensive mechanism, she automatically blocks out all the deep stuff. She will joke about it, that she can't make up her mind how she feels, what she wants. I don't mind waiting, I mean hell! I moved here, so I got nothing else to do but wait! I just don't understand, and I'm the type of person that has to understand what is going on, especially in the most important situation of your life.
I don't even know what I'm asking for here. I guess women, what you think? Women are so complex. Men are simple. This is what I thought "I love this woman. I care about nothing else in life. So, I need to move to be with her." Simple, right? And I know you will probably respond with some BS Oprah quote or Dr. Phil non-sense, some line loaded with words like "space" and "time" and "pressure" and other crap. Understand me, this is not a dating situation, this is not a relationship situation. I don't play games, never have. I'm not looking to play games. This is the love of my life, it supersedes all that non-sense garbage that people do to each other when it comes to manipulation. I just want to know what she is thinking, and she won't tell me. But like I said, she isn't shutting me out, no matter how much I overwhelm her with my emotions, no matter what I say to her. Usually a woman would probably just shut out a guy for doing that. And the look in her eyes, and how she holds me. It is all there, so powerful, she just won't talk to me. Nothing sexual has happened though, which could be bad. I don't know. I just wish women would walk the talk, when they say they want honesty and openness. I just feel like I deserve that, you know?
