Can it be too late and too strange to apologise? (Not strictly "love"-related)

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03-03-13, 02:14 AM
jfma

Can it be too late and too strange to apologise? (Not strictly "love"-related)

Hi. I'm in my mid 20's and was seeing a girl for a couple of years. We "broke up" earlier this year for various reasons but it's basically all alright and we're both sort of seeing other people by now. Neither of us have very many friends in the area and we still chat online sometimes (obviously far less than we used to) and I expect we'll end up hanging out "as friends" eventually. One of the strains on our relationship was related to me having deeply offended and upset her parents (with whom she still lives) about a year ago. I needn't go into details but basically I played a fairly cruel (but appropriate) practical joke on my gf and unfortunately her parents became drawn into it... :lol:

My gf was fine with it after about half an hour and we rarely mentioned it again.

After that, though her parents did try to make some efforts to include me, I never again visited her/them and they didn't really approve of her continuing to see me. While I don't regret playing the prank on her, I do regret that her parents were affected - it was unforseen and they were "non-combatants" and didn't deserve it. I'm toying with the idea of apologising somehow, because I do genuinely feel bad that I caused them that distress after they'd only been nice to me. Accidental or not, it's still more my fault than anyone else's. If for some reason they still occasionally think of it and get annoyed then hopefully I could stop that by saying sorry finally.

So we might think that obviously I should apologise - but is it that simple? I know they were really pissed off for a few months at least but maybe they've mostly forgotten it by now and it would just seem really strange for me to bring it up again. Also, I doubt their daughter has mentioned me at all for quite a while so it might seem like I shouldn't be "interfering" with the family at all any more, if you see what I mean.

What are your thoughts? If I did it then I'd probably just send an email to her father - seems informal but a written letter would just be bizarre, and they'd have no reason to see me in person (it's not that big a deal anyway - demanding an audience would make it, and me, seem way too important).

Thanks,
03-03-13, 02:32 AM
rob1984

1. be a man and apoligize in person and not hide behind a computer
2. how old are you.. and who plays practical jokes that would have such consequences
3. what was the joke
03-03-13, 03:01 AM
jfma

Quote:

Originally Posted by rob1984 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

1. be a man and apoligize in person and not hide behind a computer

"Being a man" would seem extremely strange. What should I do, go and knock on their door? It would seem so incredibly odd and invasive, not to mention my ex would then be there and it's just all kinds of wrong. Yes, it would be "harder" for me to do that, but would it make it better for them? I think it would just seem creepy and aggressive.

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2. how old are you..

As mentioned, I'm in my mid-20's

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and who plays practical jokes that would have such consequences

Who, apart from me? I don't know - probably lots of people. It would have been 100% fine if the parents didn't get involved, tbh. Was just a good laugh otherwise.

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3. what was the joke

Hilarious.
03-03-13, 03:07 AM
rob1984

how is being a man, seem extremely strange ? so what if you ex will be there.. she will see you accept responsibility and put your ego aside, so will her parents.. its a pride thing to go and apologize. But yes hiding and being a coward is much easier, and it seems like her parents made some good choices for her, and she seemed to be raised very well to let you go. So on to the next one. Got any jokes set a side?

p.s since you've been dumped.. it wasn't that hilarious... glad you found it funny.. you can laugh by yourself now.
03-03-13, 03:13 AM
jfma

Quote:

Originally Posted by rob1984 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

how is being a man, seem extremely strange ? so what if you ex will be there.. she will see you accept responsibility and put your ego aside, so will her parents.. its a pride thing to go and apologize. But yes hiding and being a coward is much easier, and it seems like her parents made some good choices for her, and she seemed to be raised very well to let you go. So on to the next one. Got any jokes set a side?

p.s since you've been dumped.. it wasn't that hilarious... glad you found it funny.. you can laugh by yourself now.

Are you just trying to aggravate me or something, dude? The wording and assumptions here are surely intended to just stir things up, attempting to get some kind of angry response out of me. Why?
03-03-13, 03:17 AM
rob1984

what are you expecting.. why does everyone come on here, and just want validation for their own opinion and not accept anyone else's.. touch sh!t man.. you're a coward that simple. You're in your mid 20's and pulled a practical joke without looking at the consequences. You are yet to apologize for it, and you do not regret your prank, which caused your relationship to dwindle away to nothing.. show's you could of cared less about her otherwise you would have apologized. Grow up
03-03-13, 03:18 AM
michelle23

Do u want her back? Is that y you want to make things right with her parents? If not why else would you worry about it?
03-03-13, 03:19 AM
michelle23

I agree with rob. You should have apologised ages ago instead of avoiding her family
03-03-13, 03:24 AM
jfma

Quote:

Originally Posted by rob1984 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

what are you expecting.. why does everyone come on here, and just want validation for their own opinion and not accept anyone else's.. touch sh!t man.. you're a coward that simple. You're in your mid 20's and pulled a practical joke without looking at the consequences. You are yet to apologize for it, and you do not regret your prank, which caused your relationship to dwindle away to nothing.. show's you could of cared less about her otherwise you would have apologized. Grow up

OK, thank you for your "opinion".

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Do u want her back? Is that y you want to make things right with her parents? If not why else would you worry about it?

No. It was me who ended it and I don't regret it at all. I worry about it because they're nice folks and I don't like having enemies.

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I agree with rob.

About what in particular?

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You should have apologised ages ago instead of avoiding her family

Well yes, obviously, but I didn't and what I'm asking is if I should apologise now or just leave it.
03-03-13, 03:25 AM
rob1984

You're "Welcome"
03-03-13, 03:29 AM
michelle23

If u feel bad then just say sorry for any upset u caused in the past and leave it at that
03-03-13, 04:43 AM
HeartIsAching

Quote:

Originally Posted by rob1984 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

1. be a man and apoligize in person and not hide behind a computer
2. how old are you.. and who plays practical jokes that would have such consequences
3. what was the joke

Oh good lord... my wife and I both love a good practical joke, especially on each other, and we're in our 40's.
03-03-13, 04:48 AM
rob1984

obviously that's fine, u 2 are the only ones involved.. not when he does something, where he does not think it could affect someone else.. which it was obviously something stupid if her parents think he's a moron and to a point to not support the relationship.
03-03-13, 04:55 AM
basilandthyme

How can a practical joke be both cruel and appropriate? When is it ever appropriate to be cruel to someone else?
03-03-13, 09:52 PM
jfma

Quote:

Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

How can a practical joke be both cruel and appropriate? When is it ever appropriate to be cruel to someone else?

When afterwards they are relieved and amused and, on balance, found it a fun experience. I don't think it's especially rare or unusual for close friends to intentionally trick and temporarily "upset" each other. I can't imagine ever being straight and serious all the time with a girl, would be boring.