confused, denial, I don't know.. : /

so first I would like to say, this might be a little long, as I plan to sum up some background info.

Before I met my fiance, he had a ex-wife and child, he married her because of the accidental pregnancy. but it happen so early on he never knew the truth about her. she had borderline personality disorder. so basically she put him through hell the entire time they were together. trying to crash the car going down the road, throwing stuff, cheating, making up lies saying he wants to beat her. etc..

we've been together 3 years, and have had a lot of problems pertaining to his past with her. which caused tons of trust issues, commitment issues, and arguments over silly things.

after 2 years of being treated badly over this, i figured we should take some time apart so he could think clearly on weather he wanted to work out the problems in our relationship. he has never been one to work through problems, push them away and avoid them.

the first day I am gone, he calls and says to come back, and I said that we need time to think. well the plan backfired on me. he had another woman over the very first night, slept with her, continued to sleep with her during our 2 weeks apart, the whole time calling me up saying I love you, I miss you, come back.

we got back together, he started treating me better, then 2 months later he proposed to me. we have been engaged a little over a year, and our wedding date is set for next month. about 2 weeks ago, I noticed him quickly closing facebook when I would turn around, or walk into the room. he never hides that stuff from me. in the past he had a habit of key logging me, so when we worked things out, we decided we could just read eachothers stuff and have pass words, I mean were getting married and we don't need to hide things, so I took advantaged of that, and found out he was in fact flirting with a co-worker, all of it sexual stuff. I know he is really big into sex, porn and so on. so I was like okay, maybe its nothing. but he never hides this stuff any other time. so my suspicion got the best of me. a week later I talked to him about it....

he told me, he likes her, she is new and exciting, he wants to get closer to her..but then tells me its just a sexual thing. and every time we talk about it, it go's from something I need to worry about, to something I don't need to worry about. I asked him to stop flirting with her, and he said he would. 4 days in a row.. every time he kept doing it, and every time he said I'm sorry, I will quit.

two days later he said we should postpone the wedding, of course my first thought was its over this girl... he had changed his password that night, so he could hide his conversation for her. I asked him about it, and he said I don't want to hurt you and I don't want to argue about it.
I told him , well I think I need to know, i am the one being strung along here, you are wanting to cancel a wedding, and you feel you should talk to a girl who is trying to steal you away from me, rather than talking to me about it? so He said I could read it.

what I read, was horrible... He said, I wish should would leave, so I didn't have too. and she would ask him questions like, so is it that your scared of marriage or scared of marrying her. he replied with... I dont know, both maybe. she really wanted us to fail, and said, maybe she just isn't the right person, and you will meet the girl you want to marry later. so on.

I talk to him about it after, and he says... I didn't mean leave the relationship, I mean the marriage.. and I know there is no other girl in this world that i could ever be more compatible with. she could never compare to you. I wan't to grow old with you.. so on...

despite the non stop debate over our relationship.. he still includes me in future plans.. we were planning to sell the house and move, so he says things like, I hope we can get moved to the new house soon. and if I had the money and custody you me and my son would just move to florida.. our washer tore up, and he says we need to get a new washer, none of it sounds like he plans to be doing this stuff alone.

I had thought about ending things with him, and he said, you can stay here, I don't want you to go back to your moms. he seemed really upset about me trying to break things off. I figured if he wanted me to leave him, he would agree with it, and be relieved ...

well he still talks to the other girl, they text, and message each other online, she has even called him once. and even though I asked him to stop talking to her, he won't do it, and says it would be weird sense she is co worker, and doesn't want to her her feelings. I told him, so her feelings are more important that mine then? he knows he should stop the contact with her, he knows its wrong to me. but don't want to give it up, then tells me he still wants to marry me, but wants to push the date back.

when I asked him why he wanted to postpone, he said, because I want to mentally prepare. so I told him after 3 years together, 1 of them engaged, shouldn't that be enough mental preparing? I know if we moved the date, this would happen all over again. so he said, well I didn't want to set the date right now anyways, I wanted to wait till I was ready to marry. but if he wasn't ready to marry he shouldn't have proposed right?
I told him, okay we have 6 weeks before the date of the wedding, that gives you 5 weeks to figure out if you want me and this, or if you dont.

of course then he got frustrated and said he felt pressured.. but I don't want to pressure him into marrying me, I wan't to him to actually think about what he wants and tell me strait up. because I love him too much to give up. and I wan't him to be sure on what he wants. If I left now, I would never forgive myself.

other things he has mentioned that bothers him, is he is scared he wont be financially secure, with the 450 child support coming soon, and I don't have income, and he knows that other woman makes 60,000 a year. he says he don't think he can give me the life I deserve, says id be better with a rich man, he has always said throughout the entire 3 years, thinking he isn't good enough..

but about the other woman.. she is pretty, but not like a supermodel, id say average pretty. makes good money, and peaks his interested talking about kinky sex all the time. they have nothing in common, and are completely different people. she wants kids later, and he doesn't. shes christian and he atheist. so already I see they would be setting there selves up for arguing later on.

part of me thinks, he wants to drown out his problems in another woman, because that's what he did last time we had huge problems. he doesn't want to allow himself to feel any pain, and doesn't want to work through anything.

so what I can not figure out is...

a. he really wants to be with someone else and really wants me to leave and find a new man.

b. his ex wife completely ruined his image on relationships and he thinks all women will screw him over.

c.he wants to see if he would be better with someone else and happier, and keeps me as a back up plan.

or

d. he loves me and really does want to be with me, but thinks life will be to rough and he wont make me happy.



his mom says he does love me, and thinks it is because of the ex wife. and I would like to believe that. but the research I've done suggests lots of other out comes. all I know is this is about to take me out. so maybe if anyone else has ever been down this road, they can give some insight?
sorry for the long story.