Is it wrong to still have hope?
Sorry this is really long, but I really need help.
So I had a crush on this guy who lived a floor above in in residence. we started talking on fb and things were going really well, we would stay up everyday super late to talk to each other. I told my roommate about him, since she knows him and can give me advices. But what i didn't expect was that a couple weeks later my roommate went behind my back and asked him if he liked me. The guy told her no, and my roommate immediately started giving him advices on how to let me down gently. And the Monday after, the guy told me that he wanted to talk to me and basically rejected me saying that things won't work out, and this is when i found out about my roommates betrayal. It really broke my heart that my crush didn't like me and my roommate/good friend betrayed me.
After a couple of weeks, when we, my roommate him and his roommates, all went out for sushi one day. and when we came back i see on my facebook, the guy messaged me that he was sorry, that it was a mistake. At first i got really angry and confused, because i thought things were over and he is just rubbing salt on my scars. But we decided to meet up in person to talk. And at this talk he told me that he was sorry he rejected me, because he realized that he really did like me and that it really hurt him when i was avoiding him that night and was having fun with other people. I was really shocked by his confession, but i was really confused myself because for the last couple of weeks all i was doing is trying to forget about him. So i told him to give me a week and i'll give him my answer then. So a week later i decided to give this a shot, even though i was insecure about it. I was insecure because he never initiated any conversation either on facebook or over text, and I always felt that my roommate (the same one that betrayed me) was hitting on him, and that he might prefer her over me. But i wanted to give it a shot and trust him. So on the day when i told him about my decision, we decided to watch a movie that night, since he was leaving the next day on vacation. We watched a movie on his bed, and we kissed and cuddled. It was my first relationship, so everything was a first so i give him my first kiss as well. When i went down to my room after the "date" i went to my roommate since we were planning to watch a movie. But guess what i saw, i saw the guy messaging her on facebook asking her to go to his room for pizza. When i saw that it seemed like some one threw a stone at my heart. I went into the relationship with doubt and this basically confirmed my fear.
So the next day, i decided to skype him and told him that i saw the message and that it really bothered me. he didn't explain himself and just said asked me if i think being in a relationship with him is the best for me. It made me so angry, i made my decision to be with him, yet it seemed like he wasn't even putting an effort into it. I don't remember exactly how the conversation ended, but i know by the end it was me saying that i'll trust him.
The day after, we were skyping again, and he looked really sad and troubled. I asked him what's wrong, and he told me that he didn't want to break my heart but he feel like things won't work, and he feel that it was a mistake for him to ask me out in the first place. Once again, i was shocked since i did not see this coming at all. I tried to talk him out of it, but he said it won't work...and i guess i accepted it.
It's been 3 weeks since the "break up" and i'm still not over him, i still think about him at night. We still talk on facebook sometimes, but it is always me initiating them. I have now stopped initiating in effort to forget about him, but it has been hard. It was my first relationship, no matter how short it was, and i give him my first kiss. I keep asking myself, had i not skyped him the first time, would we still be together right now? did the relationship end because of my insecurities? And i still have hope that we might go back together again, is it wrong to have hope? and if i should stop having hope, how do i go about doing that? HELP!
