Spent the night at the ex's house.....now what?
Hi everyone,
Some of you might already recognize me. I posted last a few months back about how my girlfriend of 5 years, and the girl I moved to a foreign country (Japan) to start a life with, left me which was back in mid- Jan.
To summarize where I'm at now and why I'm still lost:
Before yesterday, I had not seen her in over a month, and had not talked to her, even via text, in about 2 and a half weeks. The last time we saw each other, as I mentioned on this forum, is that I had decided to leave Japan as there was nothing left for me here now that she left me, and when I told her so, she freaked out, demanded to meet with me, cried her eyes out, begged me not to go.......but when, at the end, I told her we could talk about it, work it out, and maybe I would stay, she instantly changed her feelings again and told me maybe it was for the best for me to go back home. Was heartbroken all over again, but did reach out to her about a week later saying hello and that I was thinking of her.....and she just said she wanted time and space but "I could contact her anytime".
Jump to yesterday, which again, is about a month since we last saw each other. She tells me she wants her TV back, which is the only thing that still connects us at this point. Asks me to take a cab and bring it over to her and she would pay. Rather than argue, I said fine. Looked as good as I could and headed on over with TV in hand. She seemed semi-happy to see me, but not the happy you would see if someone missed you at all after not seeing them in over a month. Was getting ready for a night on the town with her friends. Thanked me for the TV, made me some tiramisu, we had some small talk (was pretty awkward, some pretty heavy silent gaps), and since it didn't seem like she was gonna initiate it, I went for it and just said, "You've asked for time and a break, it's been over 2 months......are there any changes? You haven't tried to contact me once and I just need to know where we stand....do you still need time, or have you reached your decision?" I also pointed out that all pictures and things of us together/connected us, were gone from view at her place, which really hurt as well. She told me she's not dating, doesn't like anybody but, simply doesn't love me anymore. Likes me, cares about me, but simply doesn't love me and doesn't have feelings. I really had to push though to get it out of her, as she hates talking about it and only responds in a very whimpering tone. So I responded, "Okay, thats it then? You want it to be official? You want to break up?" "yeah..." Probably should have just left it there, but, being as heartbroken as I was and looking for that final piece of closure, I asked, "Are you sure?"......and she said, "I'm not sure, but you're rushing me and I think it's not fair for you to wait for me". I said Okay and Thanks for finally telling me your decision.
I left, but not before she said, "but we can still be friends right, and we can still contact each other sometimes right?" She also asked if I could readd her on facebook since I deleted her before (couldn't bare looking at pics and updates of her). I simply said I don't know and left.
Again, it hurt like hell, but it felt like the book was closed. All hope, all uncertainty was finally gone and that seemed to be the end.
Went out with friends soon after to get my mind off everything and, randomly, she calls.........
I don't answer. She sends me a text asking what I was doing. Told her I was out. She said okay, sorry for disturbing. Yet, 5 mins later, she calls again. Again, I don't answer. She says she was just wondering if she could stop by my place. I resisted as hard as I could, but finally gave in and said okay. By that time, she was already home but she asked if I could come. I obliged, and I swear, all that awkwardness we had from when we saw each other earlier in the day was gone. She was very lovey dubey, arms around me, super playful with each other and again......it was exactly the type of attitudes we had when together. Eventually, I ended up in bed with her and I could tell where things were headed. We made out for a bit and she tried hard to have sex........actually begged for it, over and over, and as much as I wanted to as well, I told her it probably wasn't a good idea. I told her I still had feelings for her and I simply didn't know if we should. She begged some more, and we made out some more, but eventually she resided and I was able to hold out. She said she didn't want me to leave and asked me to spend the night. I did and again, we fell asleep with our arms around each other.
Her sister came back in the morning, so I had to sneak out as there probably would have been some explaining to do. Haven't heard from her since this morning, and now, I'm simply in a state of confusion.
Was she simply just horny? Was this simply the last hurrah for her? She had told me just hours before she asked to see me that she no longer had feelings or attraction for me, had decided to make the break up official, yet was begging for sex just hours later. Was it stupid for me to resist having sex with her? Could that have potentially brought the bond back? I just felt at the time, with my feelings as strong as they still are, having sex with her would just make me miss her more, especially if it was nothing but casual in her mind.
Not sure where things stand, if I should contact or just let it ride and pretend last night didn't happen......simply don't know. What do you guys think?
