Need to move on... HELP!!
Firstly, this is the back story. I do apologize for the essay.
So at work there's this really hot paralegal who i've been talking to for a couple of months. We've been flirting quite a lot. Skipping a load of backstory, I asked her out, she gave me her number and made arrangments to go out, and it never happened, effectively she dropped me, and in a really cold way. She didn't even apologize.
Between then and now I've sort of disliked her for dropping me the way she did. She's flirted with me and acted normal like nothing ever happened. I tried to cut her out but I just couldn't help flirt back as I still find her really attractive.
At the Christmas party, I finally confronted her. I was a bit tipsy when all of this happened. We ended up talking for an hour and a half.
Basically she said that she is going through a bad patch in her life at the moment. I won't go into the details but I believe her, as it was quite serious. There was also another guy, but she didn't go out with either me or him due to what she is going through. Although apparently the other guy is an Australian and his VISA runs out in April. She did say that she did want to go out on the date. I said that I understand the situation and said that I would have acted the same way as she did.
She said that to some extent that she was protecting me from harm... a bit of a flimsy excuse but I can see truth in it. I may have drunkenly declared that with all of the stuff that she was going through that I would have still gone out with her.
I also tried to kiss her aswell...not my greatest moment. She didn't let me but she did say that she wanted to aswell, but nothing good would come of it. Looking back in hindsight this was true, other people who we work would probably would have seen and it would have made things awkward between us.
Despite my drunken antics, she seemed absolutely fine with everything. I think it's obvious that she does like me in 'that' way but life is getting in the way.
After all of this we agreed to be friends . After chatting to some of her friends, I ended up walking her to the tube station, and I may have hugged her twice (not good...). I left the party shortly after, and the last thing that I expected to happen occured, she started texting me, nothing special but I was surprised - if I was in her shoes I wouldn't text me!
I saw her the next day at work and it wasn't awkward at all. We talked loads and seemed really unfazed by what happened.
Now people have said to me that she was 'palming me off' in a polite way, but I think if she wasn't interested she wouldn't have talk to her for an hour and a half let alone walk her home. And she wouldn't have text me.
That was back in December.
So since then we've been all over the shot, we've been tetxing a bit, with her being a bit flirty and everytime I would see her she would either be a bit flirty just being really genuine and nice. There would be times where she would not talk to me for the majority of the week and then come up to my desk and start talking to me. With the texting as well, sometimes we would talk over an entire weekend. Also I've seen her do the usual staring across the room stuff.
I haven't heard anything more about the Australian guy since then.
So something tells me that there maybe more to us than just friendship, especially with the way she acts around me, and texting every other weekend - friends just don't that act that way around eachother. She only acts this way around me in the office - outside of work, I don't know. As i've said in previous posts, we get along really well and the conversations we have via text are the sort where you get to know someone at the very beginning of a relationship.
While I want to believe the part of me wants to continue to chase her and continue to get to know her as I know we get along together really well, and I think once I get to know her better, I think we could make a great couple.
However, the other half of me wants to move on - with all of this stuff I have a really bad tendency to over think and analyze things, I've effectively been getting down about this quite a lot. Also I don't know if she is playing me and this Australian guy at the same time. I doubt this, but you never know...
I know that necessarily she may (which I mean by probably) have done nothing wrong, she probably just sees me as a good friend which is fine by me, I would like to have her as a friend, and knows nothing about me still having feelings for her. Although during an play argument we were having she did bring up the night of the xmas party - this was in a flirty context.
Basically I accept and also acknowledge that I am the problem, due to me over thinking things I have caused my own stress about this.
As i've deleted her number, I don't intend to text her, but if she does text me I will reply as she is a good mate but I won't be flirty.
Someone please tell me how to sort this mess out!!!
